I don't know how to talk to dc about his medication.

[Anonymous]

DS (10) takes adderall for h/i adhd. He hates taking it and says 'it changes me' but then also says 'I can't tell the difference'. Concerta family was not good. WE can tell the difference, and so can the school. But DS is SO offended by this idea that we are trying to make him 'less him' with medication. Recently it has become apparent that he needs his afternoon booster back (he asked us to pause it to see how he did but i consistently am getting feedback from school about bad decisions being made in the afternoon). I told him that i think he needs it back and he cried.. And scrunched into a ball.
I feel so bad. This sh*t is so hard.

[Anonymous]

Does he not get negative feedback from teacher/peers when he is not taking his meds?

I have a 9 year old DC with ADHD combined who has been taking meds (concerta) for three years. Starting last year, DC was not excited /slightly unwilling to take their meds. Felt like taking medication implied there was something “wrong” with them, and accused us of trying to change their personality.

But then DC accidentally forgot to take their pill one morning and had a really bad day. I didn’t even know until a couple of weeks later when DC mentioned that one of their classmates called them “annoying” and I asked why, and then it came out what a bad day that had been.

I am sad this happened to DC but I am glad they now have the self-awareness to see how their behavior impacts how other people treat them. DC has also been in lots of therapy to work on that, so that may also be helpful.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP. It is hard.

I wonder if there's a way to simply have more of an open conversation with him about the issues that happened when he didn't take it - like, x and y and z happened, and what did you think of those things? Did whatever happen result in something frustrating for him - like a friendship issue or missing out on something fun because he got in trouble? If not, then maybe he doesn't really see it as that important.

It might be helpful for him to think through different trajectories of what could happen in different scenarios. Does he understand that it is helpful for him in some ways, even if he doesn't like it? Are there any other changes the school could take to accommodate instead of the extra booster? Like, maybe he can't do it successfully without the booster like he can with it, but maybe he could do it successfully if they give him an extra 5 minutes to run around the playground or empower him to ask for a break to go for a walk around the halls if he needs it or whatever (these are things my kid would need - might be different for him). You could help him think through some different scenarios with the ultimate boundary being that he needs to be success with his decisions in school, follow the rules, etc.

[Anonymous]

Eventually he gets to decide if he takes medication. I think he’s telling you he wants to be more involved and that the medication makes him feel bad.

[Anonymous]

When our daughter first started taking medication it worked but she strongly preferred being unmedicated. It took a few years before she was able to understand and articulate that the issue was she was experiencing a cloying medication side effect that wasn’t obvious to outsiders (she eventually described it as “feeling claustrophobic in her own brain”). As soon as we figured this out we switched her medication and the issue went away.

I think it took a long time to figure that out because she was young and she didn’t know what a non-ADHD brain should feel like so she just assumed the side effect was what normal people feel like all the time.

That may not be your issue but I wish someone had suggested it to me sooner so I could consider taking a different approach more quickly.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry he feels that way and I think it is great that you are talking to him about it and trying to help him find a way to describe his feelings. Adjusting or trying new meds will likely be an ongoing journey.

If it helps him to hear an adult perspective, my meds make me MORE me because they tamp down thoughts and actions I feel like I can’t control and allow me to direct my attention where I want it or resist impulsive behaviors like interrupting people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry he feels that way and I think it is great that you are talking to him about it and trying to help him find a way to describe his feelings. Adjusting or trying new meds will likely be an ongoing journey.

If it helps him to hear an adult perspective, my meds make me MORE me because they tamp down thoughts and actions I feel like I can’t control and allow me to direct my attention where I want it or resist impulsive behaviors like interrupting people.

I want to add that I was never on meds as a child, but the elementary kids my kids’ ages all seem to be on short acting stimulants and take breaks from meds on the weekends. I can’t imagine living like that. I’ve had to use non-XR formulations due to med shortages and I find it disorienting and my brain feels extra foggy when the morning dose wears off - like the way the world looks extra blurry when I first take my contacts out. If I take days off of my meds I feel hungover, fatigued, and irritable. When people talk about their kids being on meds for just 4-6 hours a day 5 days a week, I only imagine how that would make me feel worse than not being medicated at all.

Personally I am a huge fan of Vyvanse. It lasts all day and the ramp up and ramp down are much smoother than other stimulants.

[Anonymous]

to pp's point: I framed it like that - about making him MORE him.

as for the adderall - it is XR. but he just metabolizes it super fast.

vyvanse made him angry and weepy.

[Anonymous]

Have you tried intuniv/guanfacine er? If his is more hyper/impulsive than inattentive, it might be worth considering. It takes a few weeks to build up in the system and it's something you need to take every day/can't take a med break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you tried intuniv/guanfacine er? If his is more hyper/impulsive than inattentive, it might be worth considering. It takes a few weeks to build up in the system and it's something you need to take every day/can't take a med break.

Yes. it made him flat and sort of joyless.
DC's ADHD is quite hard to medicate, but adderall is ok for him and helps. His body just burns it up fast.
I think he just finds it to be upsetting that he has to be medicated at all. Like there is something 'wrong'. And no amount of his dad telling him he also takes adderall or us telling him it shouldn't make him less 'him', seems to solve for this.

[Anonymous]

What does are you on? Can you try lower dose?

[Anonymous]

Have him talk to his therapist. Are you getting the RX from a psychiatrist or the pediatrician? THis is one area where our son's psychiatrist really helped alot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS (10) takes adderall for h/i adhd. He hates taking it and says 'it changes me' but then also says 'I can't tell the difference'. Concerta family was not good. WE can tell the difference, and so can the school. But DS is SO offended by this idea that we are trying to make him 'less him' with medication. Recently it has become apparent that he needs his afternoon booster back (he asked us to pause it to see how he did but i consistently am getting feedback from school about bad decisions being made in the afternoon). I told him that i think he needs it back and he cried.. And scrunched into a ball.
I feel so bad. This sh*t is so hard.

Tell him everyone has something. My dd has epilipsy and adhd but can't take the adhd medicine due to the increased chance of seizures. She also has autism. I try not to have her focus on whats wrong and focus on what is good with her and how lucky we are. That helps

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS (10) takes adderall for h/i adhd. He hates taking it and says 'it changes me' but then also says 'I can't tell the difference'. Concerta family was not good. WE can tell the difference, and so can the school. But DS is SO offended by this idea that we are trying to make him 'less him' with medication. Recently it has become apparent that he needs his afternoon booster back (he asked us to pause it to see how he did but i consistently am getting feedback from school about bad decisions being made in the afternoon). I told him that i think he needs it back and he cried.. And scrunched into a ball.
I feel so bad. This sh*t is so hard.

Tell him everyone has something. My dd has epilipsy and adhd but can't take the adhd medicine due to the increased chance of seizures. She also has autism. I try not to have her focus on whats wrong and focus on what is good with her and how lucky we are. That helps

Pp, my ds has epilepsy, adhd h/i and autism. We have not started on adhd medicine yet. His emotional regulation has been better, and teachers find him pleasant in school. He is in hyper mode every day and he has the kind of epiliepsy that cause his brain not sleeping every night. He has a ton of things going on, like school, aftercare, sports, swimming, screentime and etc, and he is happy & energetic mode day in/out. Is it true that adhd adhd medication increases the chances of seizures, the stimulant or non- stimulant ones? Whom say that? We are looking into epiliepsy treatment now.

[Anonymous]

He & You are conceptualizing medication the wrong way. It is not making him less him - it is making him more him. ADHD comes with inattention, executive dysfunction and impulsiveness. Each person has different amount/mixture of these, but in ADHD, I think (as a person with ADHD) that ADHD gets in the way of who I am and who I want to be.

I want to be able to grow and develop and set goals that I work towards and achieve things that I desire (vs things that come easily to me). This is virtually impossible for me unmedicated. I want to be able to read social signals better, pay attention to people and communicate effectively with them by following through on building our relationships. I want to be able to do my work and turn it in on time and not suffer negative consequences. all of that is much harder unmedicated for me.

The data shows that medication helps many ADHDers (once you find a good mixture). Why should I struggle to be me without medication. No one would ask a diabetic to tough it out without insulin. There is no failure in taking meds.