Anyone up for a Winter Holidays Dementia Support Thread?

[Anonymous]

Anyone else need a safe spot to vent or commiserate about dementia and this holiday season?

I’ll start:

A month ago, my mom started asking me to make sure that I purchased certain foods our family traditionally has for Thanksgiving. She isn’t the one hosting, but she wanted them brought to her house for some reason.

I agreed, but said I would wait until Wednesday which is when I normally buy. She asked me every day and then twice a day and then every couple hours. She’s worried the stores will run out.

Last weekend, I bought and carried over the special items she asked for thinking it would alleviate her stress if she could see them. Today, DH was there to fix something and she used all of those foods to make him lunch. He thought it was weird, but knows better than to ask.

She just texted me asking when will I buy the things she asked for.

[Anonymous]

How is this even a complaint?

This is not dementia; this is mild cognitive impairment. Your mother still (a) lives on her own, (b) recognizes holidays and related foods, (c) cooks for others, (d) uses a cell phone…without losing the cell phone.

Wait until she hits the moderate dementia stage where she can no longer live alone, requires around the clock assistance and monitoring and can no longer communicate appropriately with others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is this even a complaint?

This is not dementia; this is mild cognitive impairment. Your mother still (a) lives on her own, (b) recognizes holidays and related foods, (c) cooks for others, (d) uses a cell phone…without losing the cell phone.

Wait until she hits the moderate dementia stage where she can no longer live alone, requires around the clock assistance and monitoring and can no longer communicate appropriately with others.

Not OP, but the thread was intended as a place for support, not a competition.

I'm sorry, OP, My mom is in early stages of dementia (yes, mild cognitive impairment) and it's hard. And I know it will get harder.

[Anonymous]

I can commiserate. I’m picking up my mom from assisted living on Thursday for thanksgiving with extended family. We may or may not stay long, depending on how she’s doing. I normally don’t share future plans with her because it can be confusing and cause anxiety but I thought she needed something to look forward to, even if there’s no way she’ll remember exact details. She was very excited and a few days later called to tell me how she was looking forward to four days away from where’s she’s living. No clue where she got that from. She’s now called me several times a day confirming details. I’m expecting five or six calls tomorrow. It’s so sad.

[Anonymous]

My mom has that special way of pinpointing your deepest insecurities and using them to insult you. She has always been challenging, but had some decency. Now that is out the window and it is clear this woman has truly hated me my whole life. My husband and I joke about some of the worst things she has said to me because humor is one of my survival mechanisms.

[Anonymous]

DH and I do this too. I am trying to think about it less, too. Dealing with this is awful but as things stand, there is nothing I can do to help, so thinking about it is just depressing.

OP, I see your point. That is frustrating. Try to remember it’s just attention seeking behavior and you really don’t need to do what she’s asking. No is an acceptable response.

[Anonymous]

I’ve turned from irritation to humor, it’s the only way to make it through. So things that drove me crazy about my mom I can now see in a different light. Even when she’s mean and nasty, if I can find humor in it (like the time she was screaming at me with balled up fists, calling me a witch and saying she knew I was trying to kill her- oh and she was dead serious), I can look back on that and try to find it funny. It’s an awful disease. My dad passed from cancer and the last few weeks were some of the hardest of my life but liking back I think it was easier to deal with than the dementia. Getting old sucks.

Let’s try to turn this thread into funny dementia anecdotes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom has that special way of pinpointing your deepest insecurities and using them to insult you. She has always been challenging, but had some decency. Now that is out the window and it is clear this woman has truly hated me my whole life. My husband and I joke about some of the worst things she has said to me because humor is one of my survival mechanisms.

Humor is a blessing to deal with this situation, because mean people become more and more mean as they age. I am never in the same room alone with MIL, for this reason - she attacks me randomly and secretively, but only if I give her the opportunity, which I have not allowed for years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom has that special way of pinpointing your deepest insecurities and using them to insult you. She has always been challenging, but had some decency. Now that is out the window and it is clear this woman has truly hated me my whole life. My husband and I joke about some of the worst things she has said to me because humor is one of my survival mechanisms.

Humor is a blessing to deal with this situation, because mean people become more and more mean as they age. I am never in the same room alone with MIL, for this reason - she attacks me randomly and secretively, but only if I give her the opportunity, which I have not allowed for years.

To add, DH and I are not above playing “family bingo” each time MIL and SIL do their thing. It hells tremendously, as they really are predictable. Sorry you are going through this OP.