6th graders spent whole party on phones

[Anonymous]

My DD just turned 12 and is in 6th grade. We had her birthday party tonight at a craft place she loves. There were 15 girls total, about half from school and half from a sport she plays.

She was the only girl without an iPhone (got her one for her bday but she doesn’t have it yet) and all of the girls were on their phones the whole party. Literally the entire time. At one point I told everyone to put their phones down and suggested a table in the corner to take a break, but one girl said she needs to keep it with her in case her parents text, and then they all said the same.

It was honestly really disappointing. My daughter brought it up and was really bummed that all her friends were preoccupied.

Just curious if this is common, and as parents do you talk to your kids about being present or not rules in place for phone usage outside the house? Not that we are giving DD a phone want to make sure she isn’t this rude to others.

[Anonymous]

These were her friends. Didn't she know this is how they live? Or were they only "school friends"?

[Anonymous]

OP, you should have collected all of the phones from the girls. That is what I would have done. Everyone puts their phones in a basket and gets it back when they leave. I mean c'mon....this is terrible, your poor daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you should have collected all of the phones from the girls. That is what I would have done. Everyone puts their phones in a basket and gets it back when they leave. I mean c'mon....this is terrible, your poor daughter.

+1.
And I have to say, judgment and all, SO many crappy, lazy parents out there!

[Anonymous]

Idk. My kids and their friends had phones but when they were together, they WERE together and had fun. Even phone is only used to show each other things or stuff.

However, when they were dragged by us where they didn't know other kids well, they did
meet and greet and then used their phones to kill time.

[Anonymous]

That’s very sad, I’m sorry.

[Anonymous]

That’s sad especially because it sounds like she really liked the place. Smaller party with close friends might be a better choice next year

[Anonymous]

Too late but this is a wholesale parenting fail:

https://www.waituntil8th.org/

Let this serve as a warning to parents w/ younger children who don't yet have phones.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry this happened OP - but honestly, 15 is probably too large of a group for the age - plus 2 worlds colliding with 2 friend groups could be tough to manage. This was probably a reflection of teen awkwardness as much as anything. Live and learn … I had a similar situation with my daughter and for my daughter, smaller is a better overall experience for all.

[Anonymous]

My kids know when they're with people, to put their phones away. And we agreed that if there is some urgent issue, I will text them at the beginning or end of their socializing, but not in the middle.

DH and I have also really pushed the idea that you don't have to respond instantly to a text. Plus we lead by example and they see when we have friends over that our phones are in another room almost the entire time.

In our house, kids put their phones in a basket by the door, near their shoes. They can come get their phone at any time but need to use it standing there - they can't bring it around the house. We tell parents this too, so they know they can reach out to us if they need their child to get in touch immediately. We've never had a problem with this system.

[Anonymous]

My 11yo has a phone but wouldn’t have taken it with her to a party like this. I could see it happening with some of her friends though. I agree with the posters saying you should have taken all the phones.
Maybe on the evites we now need to write “ this is a phone free event, if you child has one please ask them to keep it in a pocket or their bag”

[Anonymous]

Maybe most of the girls has grown out of the event and were bored?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe most of the girls has grown out of the event and were bored?

This. Or maybe kids are new to phones because they’re young. Or maybe it’s harder than you think to blend groups at that age so it was awkward. Or maybe your daughter felt left out as the only without a phone and it seemed worse than it was.

I honestly don’t see this as the norm. Not that they never check them.

[Anonymous]

This is so sad and is the fault of parents allowing their kods to have phones at a young age and abuse them like this. My youngest is 16 and we never had an experience like this. It’s so sad to see what happened to kids in this short time and what an effect it will have on their brain and social skills.

What is even worse is the toddlers and preschoolers who hold phones like zombies in every public place rather than looking around and interacting with their parents. Truly lazy parenting that will stunt development.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you should have collected all of the phones from the girls. That is what I would have done. Everyone puts their phones in a basket and gets it back when they leave. I mean c'mon....this is terrible, your poor daughter.

This is a way to make sure these girls never come around again. I’ve never actually heard of phones being collected IRL.

Were they on them phones and not interacting or participating in the party? Or were the phones there at the same time, as they were showing each other things and taking photos? If they didn’t interact at all, they are a bunch of socially awkward girls and not actually friends. Don’t invite them next time. If they were talking and laughing while on phones, that’s pretty typical for the age.

My 7th grader recently had a group together for her birthday. All had phones and they were out most of the time. But they had a great time and were constantly interacting with each other, also with the phones. Lots of photos.