Connect the dots for me…

[Anonymous]

My MIL is pro-life. Because she would not have existed if she were aborted- I think her mother considered it as my MIL was born out of an extramarital affair.

But also she had expressed that at the end of her life, she wants to be kept alive by any means necessary for as long as possible.

I feel these two facts about her are somehow related, but I haven’t made the connection.

She also goes to visit all her sick and dying friends, relatives, and acquaintances, like it’s her full time job. Then gives us the full report- their medical conditions, their prognosis, their whole story.

[Anonymous]

As an RN, I've seen the whole "wants to be kept alive by any means" in quite a few religious people and there is definitely a connection there with pro-life. But really, I don't think most people realize what that entails and a lot of people say they want to be kept alive by any means necessary because they don't want to face their own mortality.

The last part just makes her seem like a busy body type. If she's religious, I can definitely see that tying in here as well with the whole "good Christian helping others".

It is interesting because I could very well have been aborted (born to college students who gave me up for adoption) and I'm incredibly pro-choice.

[Anonymous]

To begin with, why do you engage in pro life conversations with your MIL? And, how would you know if her mother considered an abortion? Guessing she is fairly old, it probably would have been in a dark alley somewhere.

As for end of life decisions, her kids make the decision unless she has indicated specific goals instructions in her will.

[Anonymous]

She values her life and wants to extend it as long as possible.
Sue believes it’s kind to visit people who are ill.
She doesn’t have much to talk about.

More interesting is why you are compelled to psychoanalyze your MIL? People are often full of simultaneous and contradictory motives and actions. But these things… who cares?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As an RN, I've seen the whole "wants to be kept alive by any means" in quite a few religious people and there is definitely a connection there with pro-life. But really, I don't think most people realize what that entails and a lot of people say they want to be kept alive by any means necessary because they don't want to face their own mortality.

The last part just makes her seem like a busy body type. If she's religious, I can definitely see that tying in here as well with the whole "good Christian helping others".

It is interesting because I could very well have been aborted (born to college students who gave me up for adoption) and I'm incredibly pro-choice.

So interesting. The doctor gave my mother information when abortion was just newly legal to allow her to have an informed decision about an abortion (of me). I am not using the word encouraged here, but I realize in casual conversation and in my head, this is how I've perceived his motives. My mother is very proud of the fact that she carried me to term and was pro life even in the face of that information. I think it was a bad decision. I love my life, have a wonderful full life, but with the information she had, it was a bad decision (what the doctor was worried about did not come to pass). I am very very pro-choice.

[Anonymous]

My daughter is adopted and I’m thankful every day her birth mom chose to carry her and give birth. It must have been very hard to do.
I am still pro choice though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To begin with, why do you engage in pro life conversations with your MIL? And, how would you know if her mother considered an abortion? Guessing she is fairly old, it probably would have been in a dark alley somewhere.

As for end of life decisions, her kids make the decision unless she has indicated specific goals instructions in her will.

She brings it up these things, not me. I would never choose to bring up a contentious topic like that. I haven’t shared I’m pro-choice either. I just listen. She brings up a lot of things I’d rather not hear about, usually at family gatherings.

I do think pp is correct that these are tied to her religious beliefs. And maybe she still wants her kids (and their spouses and families) to not have to be eternally damned to hell. She has actually said that to her kids, that she believes they are all going to hell and so obviously she is going to make some effort to prevent that from happening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As an RN, I've seen the whole "wants to be kept alive by any means" in quite a few religious people and there is definitely a connection there with pro-life. But really, I don't think most people realize what that entails and a lot of people say they want to be kept alive by any means necessary because they don't want to face their own mortality.

The last part just makes her seem like a busy body type. If she's religious, I can definitely see that tying in here as well with the whole "good Christian helping others".

It is interesting because I could very well have been aborted (born to college students who gave me up for adoption) and I'm incredibly pro-choice.

Adoptee here, and I'm extremely pro-choice. My birthmother was an unmarried college student in the 70s. Abortion was legal in my home state. That means she chose to give birth and yo put me up for adoption, and I'm glad she had those choices, and wasn't forced to

[Anonymous]

My husband is deeply religious. He would say he is pro life, but he also realizes he should not impose this on other people through the law (this is a more recent revelation for him in the last 15 years or so). He also wants to live at all costs.

I’m deeply pro choice and want to go to a right to die place and end my life with dignity. I will pull the plug on him, and I’ve told him that he should change his POA if he wants to live at all costs (he has not done so). I’ve also kept him as my POA (for now) because I know it would be terrible if my sister pulled the plug on me against his objection — and if I’m at that point, I won’t know what is going on. This won’t stop my from heading to europe to die with certain diagnoses.

My mom was pregnant for a 6th time in 5 years when Roe v Wade happened. Her doctor thought having the baby might kill her and gave her options. She kept my sister. This made my mom deeply pro choice. She said it was the first time she realized that a married, white woman with money might still need a choice.

All kinds of people have a kinds of reasons for doing things that can be intellectually consistent or not. Life is complicated.

[Anonymous]

I was nearly aborted, and do not fault my mother for considering it: she comes from an insanely racist and conservative family and had me before getting married to my non-white father. I was the flower-girl at their wedding! Some of her relatives didn't speak to her for 20 years, and when they did, they expressed the belief that races should not intermarry.

I am staunchly pro-choice and I am for full agency at the end of life. We do not choose to come into the world. We sure as heck should have control over how we leave it!

You're overthinking your MIL's character and personality. She is entitled to them. She is who she is. Leave her alone and stop trying to psycho-analyze her.