Sudden change in coworker

[Anonymous]

I have a coworker who I have been very close with for the past five years. We get together outside of work, we chat at work, she texts me at all hours. etc.

We sometimes work on projects together, but she is very disorganized and takes a long time to complete her part, often leaving me with less than a day to do mine. I really like her and can usually accommodate this, but two weeks ago, I ran into a situation where I was working on a project with someone else and didn't have time for her last-minute needs. I asked her to allow me 48 hours in the future (she has the projects for 1-4 weeks ahead of time).

Ever since then, things have been different. I had complained to her that our boss wasn't acting on something in a timely manner - he missed the deadline for one of my requests and he still hasn't approved for a vacation I requested last month. Anyway, my coworker emailed my boss to tell him I was complaining about him.

My boss called me in his office and asked if I was looking to get fired.

My friend changed so much, so fast. We used to be buddies, she told me all her family and job woes, and I would share some of mine with her. I guess it won't be like that now, but I'm in the habit of trusting her.

Any tips for moving forward?

[Anonymous]

She hasn’t changed- you’re just now seeing her for her she is. Assume she’s been telling your boss things all these years, because she has. You can’t trust her, so stop talking with her like a friend because she is not. No friend or frankly even just a coworker would tell your boss these things in writing without some type of personal agenda against you. I hope your boss knows this.
Now focus on being extra productive at work to fix your reputation with your boss.
Your former friend treat professionally as a work associate. That’s all. “Help” her only if it helps you at work. Don’t talk to her after hours. Try not to talk to her at work unless someone else is present.
Be cool and friendly without being intimate.

[Anonymous]

Pull away. She is not your friend anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pull away. She is not your friend anymore.

[Anonymous]

She is not great at her job and you called her on it. So she turned on you. You should b s just pinged your boss on your vacation request- hopefully you apologized to your boss and got your leave approved?

[Anonymous]

When people show you who they are, believe them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pull away. She is not your friend anymore.

there are NO friends at work. remember this and you will do much better.

[Anonymous]

Agree you need to cut ties with this coworker.

Your boss sounds awfully thin skinned to threaten to fire you over such a small issue. Any self aware boss knows people talk about them behind their back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pull away. She is not your friend anymore.

there are NO friends at work. remember this and you will do much better.

What? No. This is terrible advice. Work would be miserable if we didn't make friends with the people we work with

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree you need to cut ties with this coworker.

Your boss sounds awfully thin skinned to threaten to fire you over such a small issue. Any self aware boss knows people talk about them behind their back.

Thanks, I took the "looking to get fired" comment only somewhat seriously - I don't think he was really going to fire me, but instead he just wanted to communicate that I shouldn't be talking about him like that.

[Anonymous]

That is a really weird way to approach that though. If I found out my employees were talking shit about me, I’d have a conversation about having a more productive, open relationship, not ask them if they are looking to get fired.

The colleague is no longer a friend and probably never was so write that relationship off completely. I don’t think that means you can’t have friends at work though. I have a ton of former coworkers as some of my closest friends and the relationships started when we worked together.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree you need to cut ties with this coworker.

Your boss sounds awfully thin skinned to threaten to fire you over such a small issue. Any self aware boss knows people talk about them behind their back.

Thanks, I took the "looking to get fired" comment only somewhat seriously - I don't think he was really going to fire me, but instead he just wanted to communicate that I shouldn't be talking about him like that.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the advice everyone. I understand that she isn’t and probably never was my friend, but I’m still deeply sad about that.