Why does my mother do this?

[Anonymous]

This isn’t new behavior by any means, so it should have been expected, but stupidly every time it happens it catches me off guard. This time I’m sort of at my wits end, so that’s why I’m here.

What IS this behavior?

This week I started a new venture, one that’s been in the works for nearly a year. It was a big, HUGE, day for me. My mother had texted me to ask how it went, requesting I call to chat about it when I had time. Later that evening I did call her, and initially, briefly, she was interested in hearing about my day, but then, quite predictably, flipped a switch. Her voice changed into this whiny, almost sobbing voice, and she went on and on about how horrible her day, and WHOLE LIFE, is/was. It completely soured my whole evening. She essentially turned a call about a monumental day about me, into a call about herself. In the moment I was shocked, saddened, and just wanted to end the call, so I said nothing. Immediately afterwards, I wanted to call back and tell her off, but I didn’t have the energy to fight and listen to her anymore.

Why. Why does she do this? What does she gain from this? And what can I say when she does this.

[Anonymous]

She sounds jealous.

[Anonymous]

How often do you normally speak, and is she normally emotionally needy?

I'm wondering if this is "normal" behavior for her or if she just saves it up to steal the spotlight from you.

[Anonymous]

I would say you want her to be happy, but this is something for her to work on with a trained professional. If you have done therapy, let her know how much it helped you. I would also suggest she tell her doctor how she feels and if she refuses any help, I would eventually call her doctor to make sure they screen for depression.

I spent way too many years trying to make mommy happy and therapy and medication are really the only thing that made her mood stable.

[Anonymous]

Read up on vulnerable/covert narcissism, OP.

[Anonymous]

Narcissist

[Anonymous]

^^Narcissists love to ruin your best days, OP. Can you look back and see a pattern? How did your mother act on your milestone days, or when you were excited, or floating on a high thanks to a big win? How did she handle your success?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^Narcissists love to ruin your best days, OP. Can you look back and see a pattern? How did your mother act on your milestone days, or when you were excited, or floating on a high thanks to a big win? How did she handle your success?

It’s always been this way. When I bought my very first car after getting my first “real” job, the first time she saw it she got the same attitude and said, simply, “I wish I could have a new car.”

There are other examples I could give, but that one sticks out in my mind.