Non-traditional Childhood

[Anonymous]

Anyone have a non-traditional childhood that was amazing and helped you to turn into a solid adult? I'm looking for stories outside of the cookie cutter nuclear arrangement with 30 year mortgage.

[Anonymous]

So someone who grew up with a single mom in a rented apartment is exotic to you?

[Anonymous]

How non-traditional?

My father's job made us move countries every 4-5 years and I parachuted into a variety of interesting schools, until they decided that I needed a solid international private school for my high school years.

My multi-national, multi-ethnic parents bought their first home at 50, with cash, when they decided to stay in one country, after I'd moved out. They made good money before that, but they didn't want to be tied to real estate in the various countries they'd lived in.

When people ask about "home"... it's a confusing question with layers of: an actual childhood house/apartment (which one?), or country (which one?), or nationality (which one?), or citizenship (only one so far, but soon US as well).

[Anonymous]

I had a cookie-cutter traditional American childhood with a nuclear family, no divorce, and a 30 year mortgage. Same house from birth until I moved away to college.

But my parents were abusive and neglectful and my family was deeply dysfunctional and I've spent much of my adulthood working through those issues and filling in the massive gaps in how I was parenting.

I have a friend who was an only child whose parents moved every 2-3 years when she was a kid and she's a well-adjusted, reasonably happy adult. I will say she will tell you that those moves were hard on her. But she's not screwed up and she has good relationships with her parents now.

It's not the mortgage or the appearance of normalcy that makes a childhood good.

[Anonymous]

My dad was a violent drunk who spent most of paycheck on booze. I slept with brother on living room till 16 as no bedroom was a tiny crap hole rental in a dangerous neighborhood.
My two sisters had the tiny second bedroom.

Other than the beatings and such no find memories. As adults all four of us kids got grad degrees and I live in a two million dollar home rarely rarely every drink and is very nice to my kids. So the bad childhood made me want to give a good childhood my kids

[Anonymous]

There was a memoir out several years ago entitled The Astor Orphan. About a cousin of the Astor's who was raised in a bohemian manner in a falling-down mansion on the Hudson River.

Is that the kind of non-traditional you are asking about?

[Anonymous]

Homeschooled on a farm in the 70s…I wouldn’t say it was amazing, it had its pros & cons. But yes, I am a solid adult now.

I think there isn’t really a right way to do it. That nuclear family with 2.5 kids & a house with a picket fence is not fail proof insurance that your kid will grow up perfectly happy & successful. That’s unrealistic. All kids have their own trauma & struggles, & as a parent you can keep that to a minimum (like not inflicting the abuse that PPs have described on here). But you can’t protect them from struggling with something, that’s unrealistic.

So do what you think is best as a parent. There’s no perfect, & there are many configurations that are good.

[Anonymous]

I grew up on government property. We eventually moved, but we can't go home again since that would be trespassing. It didn't prepare me for being an adult. We felt special and now we're just average people living in average places.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who lives in a sort of commune arrangement. She is married with 3 kids (who were birthed at home). It's a big compound with apartments. The kitchen and family areas are shared. The kids are all homeschooled. She doesn't believe in taxes and thinks things like a 401k are the most boring in the world. They both have PhDs.

[Anonymous]

Third culture kid here. I loved it. I don’t know how people can live in one area their whole lives. I guess they find it cozy, but I liked exposure to new learning experiences.

[Anonymous]

Grew up with a hoarder parent who nevertheless “supplemented at home” in the time and place where it wasn’t the norm, so I was a star student.
All was well until I had a child, then got divorced, now I am living a very modest life and am underemployed and I suspect mildly depressed/anxious. But I am generally functional, with a roof over my head and a job.

[Anonymous]

Immigrant parents who got divorced. Sibling with a disability. Incredibly poor.

Doing great now. I met and married my soulmate young and that helped so much. Have a great relationship with my mom.

[Anonymous]

I knew a child of hippies who grew up in a converted school bus in the 70s/80s in California with her many siblings. She is wonderful and very independent, but lives modestly and hasn't built any wealth, no spouse or kids. I also know a set of siblings whose mom joined a religious commune in the 70s/early 80s that was very back to the land. Their mom got out after a few years, but they spent some formative years there. Today they are entrepreneurs and have successful businesses, after starting some that failed and trying again. Their mom also started her own business. They're really practical people, yet not risk-averse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up on government property. We eventually moved, but we can't go home again since that would be trespassing. It didn't prepare me for being an adult. We felt special and now we're just average people living in average places.

That's really interesting. Why did you live on government property? Was your parent there as a caretaker?

[Anonymous]

I was mostly raised by my mom who was into her career. We moved about every five years as a result, including some time overseas.

My dad is gay and was in a throuple when I was young.

I learned/was taught to be independent from a very young age, mostly because my mom was busy with being a single mom and her career.