bringing advocate to IEP meeting but don't want to escalate things more than I have to

[Anonymous]

I need to email school to let them know she's coming. How should I refer to her? She's not a lawyer. I don't want to pretend she's just a friend. I could say she's a "guest" but that sounds weird.

[Anonymous]

Federal IEP Law to my knowledge doesn’t require parents to identify ahead of time who will be at the meeting. If this isn’t a state law then I wouldn’t bother emailing school ahead of time. You can identify who they are at the meeting. Just identify her as an advocate if that’s what she is. Why would you need to lie about that?

[Anonymous]

Call her an advocate. I'm a sped lawyer, and having an advocate can definitely escalate things, but surprising them isn't going to generate less of a reaction than letting them know up front.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you have to tell them, but it could throw them and make them trust you less. It really depends on the advocate whether things escalate. There are 2 we have used who definitely create chaos-one retired. We eventually decided it was a better use of money to hire tutors.

[Anonymous]

Call her an advocate. It’s a good thing to bring her not because it escalates any thing but because it makes them take you seriously. If she is respected in your school her opinion holds weight. And my advocate radiates calm. No escalation necessary.

[Anonymous]

Please tell them so they don’t have to waste time in the meeting getting the form you have to sign to give permission for them to attend. Please don’t try to keep secrets. Just say you are bringing an advisor.

[Anonymous]

Advocate or education consultant.

You are being a good advocate for your child and that's more important than placating the school.

[Anonymous]

Just inform them you are bringing a friend to support you. NO big deal.

[Anonymous]

If your school would see bringing an advocate as an escalation, you have bigger problems than what to call them (but yes, tell them in advance and just call them an advocate).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I need to email school to let them know she's coming. How should I refer to her? She's not a lawyer. I don't want to pretend she's just a friend. I could say she's a "guest" but that sounds weird.

You should ask your advocate for their advice on this instead of asking DCUM. I always give my clients guidance on how to announce that I am coming to a meeting.

- special ed attorney

[Anonymous]

If you need an advocate at the meeting, you're already at loggerheads with the school. Bring the advocate won't change that basic fact and they should already be aware.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you need an advocate at the meeting, you're already at loggerheads with the school. Bring the advocate won't change that basic fact and they should already be aware.

That's not true. You can have a good relationship with the team and still bring an advocate. In fact, we did both - brought one and didn't bring one for 2 different meetings, and while w/o advocate the team was pleasant, they basically ignored everything we said.

With the advocate, the school was called out on the fact that private reports were never "considered" or discussed with us as they should have been when transitioning from IFSP to IEP. That got us an OT eval and report (the report was absolute crap though with our child's birthdate and placement wrong, basically a poor cut/paste job).

I think there are many educators on this board that are bent on accusing parents of controversy, saying advocate=confrontation, etc. just to guilt parents into silence or giving up. They want your kids there with the IEP funding and you out of their hair so they can do bare minimum based on what their admin is pressuring them to say and do.

Even having used and advocate, we are still unhappy with the public school and are giving up and leaving for a private (and taking that IEP funding from our home school).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I need to email school to let them know she's coming. How should I refer to her? She's not a lawyer. I don't want to pretend she's just a friend. I could say she's a "guest" but that sounds weird.

You should ask your advocate for their advice on this instead of asking DCUM. I always give my clients guidance on how to announce that I am coming to a meeting.

- special ed attorney

+1 - the person you have hired should advise you as to whether their title is advocate or educational consultant

[Anonymous]

you will need to complete a form to allow the school team ti share information with another person besides a parent or guardian. It’s helpful to do that ahead of the meeting so you don’t waste time. You’re going to have to put their name and relationship on the form. You should definitely let the school team know ahead of time and complete the form ahead of time. Be honest and say it’s an advocate or educational consultant.

I will say as a school professional, Just because you have an advocate at the meeting, does not mean that anyone has the right of need to be hostile, rude, or offensive. All parties should be polite and respectful in their communication, even when there is disagreement.

The goal is to collaborate for a child. That cannot be done well when adults (parents, staff, or advocates) are rude or unprofessional and minimizing anyone's opinion. You can advocate and be respectful. That is what staff wants too.

The school team must follow the law.