Son feels chubby and wants to work on losing weight

[Anonymous]

8 year old son has become "chubby" this past year. His friends are all thin with no upper body fat (except a couple kids who are objectively a bit overweight), lean kids.

He looks at his torso and sees some cellulite on his belly, his chest is a bit too round too (mini man boobs). He has rounder cheeks. His weight is healthy (he is probably 60th percentile height and 60th percentile weight, when he used to be 60/50) but because of his body type he does have love handles. He loves to eat pasta, rice, cheese, quesadillas etc.. anything that is "cheesy, carby, salty". and has a big appetite, always wanting second servings (which we allow, he can get a second serving of the protein/veggies/carb combo if he is still hungry at dinner).

We already eat very healthy food at home. Processed, convenience food is very rare at our table but i dont want to restrict food quantity either or ban entire food groups. The rest of the family is naturally on the thin side. He already does team sport outside of school, swimming, walks to school etc.. Objectively, he should be as thin as us but his metabolism/hunger and body type are not the same.

Bottom line is: he wants my help losing weight. He wants to exercise every day in our gym on top of his activities. He wants me to refuse to serve him seconds "even if i beg you to". He wants me to "make sure i eat tons of veggies and good food even if i dont want to". Those are his evenings request at bed time. Of course different story when he is hungry...

How do you help a kid who basically wants to go on a diet? I dont want to encourage an 8 yo to diet. But i dont want to see him unhappy with himself either. Anyone dealt with something similar? I see 2 options:

1- Do nothing. Keep creating the right context at home and giving hime choide: keep feeding him when he says he is hungry even if it looks like too much. Keep the pasta, cheese, rice as part of the menu etc.. Focus on telling him that his body is beautiful as it is.

2- Do what he asks me to do. keep him accountable on his exercise regimen. Double the veggies portion and start "restricting" the carbs and cheese and fat to smaller portion (the amount most kids his age would eat) and say no to seconds. Encourage him not to be thinner but "stronger/fitter".

WWYD? Option 1 or 2? Or is there a third i am not seeing?

[Anonymous]

How tall is he and how much does he weigh? What does your ped say?

[Anonymous]

Challenge him to train for a 5k with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How tall is he and how much does he weigh? What does your ped say?

I forget his exact measurements but he is ~60th percentile in height. He used to be 40-50th percentile in weight but this has climbed up, i am thinking now 60th percentile.

According to my DH the pediatrician said last year to him "limit the second serving of pasta". When i went back 6 months later and said we were not great at "limiting the second serving of pasta" the ped looked at me like a was a mean mom for talking about less food and told me to "just focus on exercising more". Not sure if DH misundertsood of ped changed her mind.. In any case my son is not fat. He is just chubby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Challenge him to train for a 5k with you.

Great idea. Will do that

[Anonymous]

BMI?

I'm having a hard time envisioning a 60th percentile for height and weight kid being chubby.

[Anonymous]

My son got chubby at 8 and did not start leaning out until 13. He also definitely did not ask for help losing.

If he did, I would have done this. 1 I would have told him that we focus on health and strength, not on weight. That I think he's perfect and doesn't need to look any different but that if he wants to get healthier I would help him.

I would have told him that he doesn't need exercise in a gym, he needs to be active and play. So no lifting weights, but yes to hikes and shooting hoops with the family.

For food I would say that he needs to honor his hunger. Seconds are okay. But snack on veggies and hummus not goldfish between meals. And swap out some of the ingredients in main meals for healthier ones. Quesadillas can have Whole grain tortillas, less cheese, more veggies inside. You can make brown rice and add veggies to the side dish. You can make whole wheat pasta and have him help you make a sauce with shredded zucchini mixed in. Maybe breakfast is yogurt with berries and a little granola instead of a bagel with cream cheese. So swap but tell him that depriving himself will not help him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son got chubby at 8 and did not start leaning out until 13. He also definitely did not ask for help losing.

If he did, I would have done this. 1 I would have told him that we focus on health and strength, not on weight. That I think he's perfect and doesn't need to look any different but that if he wants to get healthier I would help him.

I would have told him that he doesn't need exercise in a gym, he needs to be active and play. So no lifting weights, but yes to hikes and shooting hoops with the family.

For food I would say that he needs to honor his hunger. Seconds are okay. But snack on veggies and hummus not goldfish between meals. And swap out some of the ingredients in main meals for healthier ones. Quesadillas can have Whole grain tortillas, less cheese, more veggies inside. You can make brown rice and add veggies to the side dish. You can make whole wheat pasta and have him help you make a sauce with shredded zucchini mixed in. Maybe breakfast is yogurt with berries and a little granola instead of a bagel with cream cheese. So swap but tell him that depriving himself will not help him.

Thank you. great advice

[Anonymous]

Please be careful to watch for signs of disordered eating. That may not be at all what is going on--but it is a fine line and boys are so much more susceptible to ED than most people realize, especially athletes. A nutritionist might be able to help too-particularly to provide guidance on target protein amounts etc. PS You sound like a great mom btw and are thinking about the right things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:BMI?

I'm having a hard time envisioning a 60th percentile for height and weight kid being chubby.

Maybe now it is more? But in any case if he is dressed noone in the US would call him chubby. A lot of it is weight distribution to upper body.

[Anonymous]

Does he graze after dinner…snacks etc? Could start with just some form kitchen is “closed” after dinner and before breakfast and a family walk

Bring in things like cauliflower rice instead of rice, and protein / lower carb pasta / low carb mission tortillas.

Or, keep the food the same and just suggest he fill half the plate with veg, 1/4 protein, 1/4 carbs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please be careful to watch for signs of disordered eating. That may not be at all what is going on--but it is a fine line and boys are so much more susceptible to ED than most people realize, especially athletes. A nutritionist might be able to help too-particularly to provide guidance on target protein amounts etc. PS You sound like a great mom btw and are thinking about the right things.

Thank you. it does worry me. I noticed he weighed himself this week. He used to be proud of weighing more and "growing". But now i feel like he is watching the needle hoping it would go in other direction . Makes me incredibly sad that he could be starting a lifelong battle with himself.

[Anonymous]

Most 8-year-old boys don't feel this way. So, I'd consider whether he got teased for his weight.

I'd try to deemphasize weight and just encourage him to be really active. Chances are good he'll hit a growth spurt and grow a couple of inches with little weight gain. Make sure he is really PLAYING ... not just sitting around playing video games. Lots of shooting hoops, tossing a frisbee, riding bikes. Make it all fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does he graze after dinner…snacks etc? Could start with just some form kitchen is “closed” after dinner and before breakfast and a family walk

Bring in things like cauliflower rice instead of rice, and protein / lower carb pasta / low carb mission tortillas.

Or, keep the food the same and just suggest he fill half the plate with veg, 1/4 protein, 1/4 carbs

No grazing no. He is very hungry at mealtime but we have regular meal hours. Half plate with veggies could be next step (looks more like a third or quarter right now).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BMI?

I'm having a hard time envisioning a 60th percentile for height and weight kid being chubby.

Maybe now it is more? But in any case if he is dressed noone in the US would call him chubby. A lot of it is weight distribution to upper body.

Yeah…what’s his BMI percentile?

https://www.cdc.gov/healthyweight/bmi/calculator.html