No relationship

[Anonymous]

What do you make of a marriage where spouses have basically no relationship? Where it’s impossible to talk about anything beyond the most superficial day to day organizational stuff. I mean nothing, absolutely nothing of any sort of substance can ever be discussed. And that’s about the extent of it. No meals together, no outings together, sleep in separate rooms, etc. What is the value of such a marriage?

[Anonymous]

As long as there’s no actual animosity or lack of respect and you have no interest in looking elsewhere and otherwise have a fulfilling life I don’t see a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As long as there’s no actual animosity or lack of respect and you have no interest in looking elsewhere and otherwise have a fulfilling life I don’t see a problem.

Can such a life ever be fulfilling?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As long as there’s no actual animosity or lack of respect and you have no interest in looking elsewhere and otherwise have a fulfilling life I don’t see a problem.

Can such a life ever be fulfilling?

Why not? It’s not much different than being single. Can’t a single life be fulfilling?

[Anonymous]

Sounds fine. A partnership of sorts. If not life partners.

[Anonymous]

Someone who would tolerate a relationship like that probably doesn't actually want a traditional relationship at all. If two people like that meet it's a match made in heaven.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someone who would tolerate a relationship like that probably doesn't actually want a traditional relationship at all. If two people like that meet it's a match made in heaven.

So if one person wants a normal partnership but can’t have it with the other person, is there a way to change it?

[Anonymous]

I'd feel lonelier than if I were on my own. But YMMV.

[Anonymous]

I was in a marriage like that and our relationship actually improved and I felt less alone in the world once we separated and I moved out.

[Anonymous]

This is a totally subjective question. What is your dog in this fight?

If you are in this marriage, and you don’t like it & spouse does not want to change it, then I think you should work on getting out.

If you are in this marriage & you and your spouse are happy, great! Don’t let people pass judgement on what works for you.

If you are not in this marriage but are an observer who thinks it sucks & wants dcum to back you up, just stop. Don’t know if this is your kids’ marriage, or a friend’s, or whatever, but don’t judge. Be a sounding board if that’s what they want, & if they are unhappy, suggest they see a marriage therapist for real advice. Otherwise, let them be, myob.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you make of a marriage where spouses have basically no relationship? Where it’s impossible to talk about anything beyond the most superficial day to day organizational stuff. I mean nothing, absolutely nothing of any sort of substance can ever be discussed. And that’s about the extent of it. No meals together, no outings together, sleep in separate rooms, etc. What is the value of such a marriage?

I don't know, only people involved would know. However, there are many plausibles, like kids, family, loyalty, religion, social circle, finances, fear of being alone etc

[Anonymous]

Knowing you have a partner to sleep next to, share house with, attend events with, to make healthcare decisions for you etc. I guess there is enough value.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd feel lonelier than if I were on my own. But YMMV.

This, above.

What OP describes doesn't even sound like a "companionship" marriage where the two spouses are company for each other, are actually friendly, share some interests and activities, even if they don't feel any deeper romantic love or attraction. What OP describes sounds robotic and unemotional. Worse than being solo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a totally subjective question. What is your dog in this fight?

OP is phishing for sympathy as they plan divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd feel lonelier than if I were on my own. But YMMV.

I’d never want to be with anybody who used “YMMV.” It’s so god damned annoying.