Justifying a solo destination spa visit.

[Anonymous]

TLDR: If you've done it, how have you justified it to your spouse?

Not sure this is the right place but I am married and am not sure how my DH is going to react to my desire to go away for a week alone. I've never had a solo vacation in our 20 years of marriage. I came into the marriage with my own money and have always earned more than my partner. Together we have a total NW of over 3M. But we don't live like it. The only joy we get out of money is when we travel. We've been to some very nice places but when we are on family vacation, I'm discouraged from having a spa day or even half-day.

Also, I'm curious about spa services. I am having a milestone birthday and think it will help me relax. The ones I'm looking at are expensive but I have never overspent on anything in my life. I've worked since I was 12 (babysitting, housekeeper, fast food, preschool, apartment leasing agent, then my professional jobs. I've had some physically and mentally demanding jobs and b/c I have special needs kids, I have a mentally and physically demanding home-life too.

Not sure what my DH would say, honestly. I'm afraid he'll either say no or say if you get that, I get a vacation home or some other outrageous thing. I should also note that he's taking a 10-day solo trip over the summer with a friend. It's not the same cost but it's about the same days if I fly, go for 7 days so the child-care burden is a wash.

If you've done it, how did you justify it?

[Anonymous]

Why do you have to justify it if your spouse is taking a 10 day trip with a friend? That said, I think a week at a spa would be pretty boring after a couple of days unless you are looking into one that's more like a retreat with other activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you have to justify it if your spouse is taking a 10 day trip with a friend? That said, I think a week at a spa would be pretty boring after a couple of days unless you are looking into one that's more like a retreat with other activities.

OP: Maybe I have to justify it to my (formally very poor) self. It is a retreat that has activities hourly between 9-5 most days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you have to justify it if your spouse is taking a 10 day trip with a friend? That said, I think a week at a spa would be pretty boring after a couple of days unless you are looking into one that's more like a retreat with other activities.

OP: Maybe I have to justify it to my (formally very poor) self. It is a retreat that has activities hourly between 9-5 most days.

OP you want it and should go. No justification needed.

[Anonymous]

Your post makes me sad OP. I am the poster of the other thread asking for recs for a solo spa trip.

I won’t criticize or lecture you. I have to think that after you read what you wrote, you know what is wrong here.

Peace and love.

[Anonymous]

Will he mind more that you are gone for 7 days or that you are going alone?

I think DH is an a$$hat if he doesn't want you to go because he doesn't want to solo parent for 7 days.

If he has an objection that you are going alone, tell him it's a girls weekend. Then right before the trip say the friend(s) cancelled last minute but you are still going.

As for your poor mentality...the purpose of working hard and saving money is to make your life easier and more enjoyable. There won't be some magical day that your poor inner child will finally feel like she has enough money. She will always feel like she is one disaster away from living on the street. So you need to console her and let her know it's safe, you have plenty of money that this splurge will not take you back to the poor house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your post makes me sad OP. I am the poster of the other thread asking for recs for a solo spa trip.

I won’t criticize or lecture you. I have to think that after you read what you wrote, you know what is wrong here.

Peace and love.

OP here: I am sorry to make you sad. I found your tread after somebody else gave me the idea. I looked at all the options in your thread and picked what was right for me. I felt like I "wanted" something for the first time in a very long time. Really wanted it so much it. made me cry. What the heck? I'm a fully functioning adult here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Will he mind more that you are gone for 7 days or that you are going alone?

I think DH is an a$$hat if he doesn't want you to go because he doesn't want to solo parent for 7 days.

If he has an objection that you are going alone, tell him it's a girls weekend. Then right before the trip say the friend(s) cancelled last minute but you are still going.

As for your poor mentality...the purpose of working hard and saving money is to make your life easier and more enjoyable. There won't be some magical day that your poor inner child will finally feel like she has enough money. She will always feel like she is one disaster away from living on the street. So you need to console her and let her know it's safe, you have plenty of money that this splurge will not take you back to the poor house.

OP here: i did the math. he did one last year too and the two together will equal less than this one but not by much. So maybe he won't object. As for my poor mentality, I keep expecting my inner child to grow the hell up. Intellectually I know that I won't be on the street and I've known that for well over a decade. Some things are hard to shake and I won't even miss the money. We won't even miss it. We only know our NW at tax time. It's always a bit of a surprise really. retirement grows fast!

[Anonymous]

Thank you guys.

[Anonymous]

Just go. You deserve it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just go. You deserve it.

+1 Don't devalue yourself.
And tell us which ones you're thinking of going to!

[Anonymous]

Don't justify. You want to go. Go.

[Anonymous]

Reading this thread makes me so happy I never married. OP’s husband sounds like a controlling jerk! OP needs to just go on the trip and not give it a second thought. She’s not a 10-year-old asking her mommy’s permission to go to a sleepover at a friend’s house, she’s a grown adult and doesn’t need to justify anything!

[Anonymous]

Golden Door.

[Anonymous]

That seems excessive. Why can't you do just a long weekend?