Charity vs grandchild

[Anonymous]

Sadly, my mom was put on hospice care today in the hospital. While the last few days were very hard, the previous years have been fun, supportive, wonderful — and we are very close and spent a lot of time together. Esp wonderful is the relationship she had with my young daughter.

My parents unfortunately had some financial issues later in life after living a good, nice, comfortable life for all of their 50 plus years together. After my dad died we uncovered unknown debts that really hurt my moms financial situation.

She had said many times her goal was to leave money for her only grandchild for college which she won’t be able to do. She was embarrassed and very disappointed about this when we discussed it esp because they were so generous with my sister and I growing up. They paid for our college which gave us both the lifelong gift of being debt free after graduation.

My mom really didn’t have much of an affiliation with a specific charity or church, etc. In preparing her obituary the funeral home recommended listing a charity that her loved ones may like to donate to in her name. Is it in bad taste to request any donations go to our children for their college education? How could we go about that tastefully and is there something that could to be set up (account)?

[Anonymous]

Very bad taste even though I'd prefer to donate to the grandkids over a charity. I would not recommend any charity. Let people do what they want.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it’s bad taste.

I’m very sorry for your loss.

[Anonymous]

VERY bad taste, do not do this. I'm sorry for your loss, but this is not an opportunity to fundraise for your kids

[Anonymous]

Awful taste. And it surprises me that you even thought of taking time to post this suggestion, despite your mom being close to death. A mom who is loving and close to you. One would think you'd have other more important thoughts right now...

But since you are thinking of money, it begs the question: Why haven't YOU saved for your daughter's education? If your parents funded yours, so you were debt-free, why haven't you been putting aside money for your own daughter?

[Anonymous]

Charity in lieu of flowers.

If you must, donate less to charity from yourself, and save for college.

Your mother paid for her grandchildren by paying for YOU, as you explained in the first post. Honor her by showing that her investment in you was well placed.

[Anonymous]

Do not ruin your relationship with literally everyone you know by trying to profit from your mother's death. You will not recover from that.

[Anonymous]

You don't need to direct donations to a charity in someone's name, OP! I think that's borderline rude too (why tell people what to do with their money?), and let's not even entertain the notion you touched on in your first post.

Just say nothing. Let people bring flowers. I love flowers. They will make her ceremonial passing beautiful. Whatever your mother leaves will go to the next of kin, and that's fine.

[Anonymous]

You won't get enough money to make it worthwhile

[Anonymous]

It will leave a terrible taste in everyone's mouth.

You're the parent. You're supposed to fund your daughter's college.

If your mom does not have any charity that she cared about, then say nothing about donations.

[Anonymous]

Sorry but please don't do that.

Your mom paid for you. You honor her memory by you paying for your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You don't need to direct donations to a charity in someone's name, OP! I think that's borderline rude too (why tell people what to do with their money?), and let's not even entertain the notion you touched on in your first post.

Just say nothing. Let people bring flowers. I love flowers. They will make her ceremonial passing beautiful. Whatever your mother leaves will go to the next of kin, and that's fine.

Really? I come from a long line of farm families on both sides and all of them consider flowers a waste. They prefer donations and usually specify where to contribute in the obituary.

[Anonymous]

I gotta hand it to you OP. This is such an out-of-left-field idea that, despite reading the subject line, once I actually got to the relevant question in your post my eyes STILL bugged out of my head in surprise.

I assume that's not a reaction you want to get to the obit.

[Anonymous]

Very bad taste. Pick any charity but please do not ask for college donations. Maybe you can direct them to donate to the hospice center? Or a cause related to her illness?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I gotta hand it to you OP. This is such an out-of-left-field idea that, despite reading the subject line, once I actually got to the relevant question in your post my eyes STILL bugged out of my head in surprise.

I assume that's not a reaction you want to get to the obit.

+1. me too. out of nowhere. please don't OP.