11 year old scatterbrained and upset with himself
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Anonymous
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DS is in 6th grade which is middle school here. They have block schedules so he changes classrooms 4-5 times per day plus lunch. He's really stressed out about losing things and remembering things.
He has lost two lunch boxes, a water bottle and a library book so far this year. He also has a really hard time remembering what to bring home every day. He doesn't have homework every day or anything, but for example today he has a science worksheet but forgot to bring home his notebook to refer to. I saw in the weekly parents email that he has a test in Language Arts, so I reminded him to bring home the materials tomorrow to study (as suggested in the teacher email), and he got upset and cried "there's no way I'm going to remember that! That's the problem I can't remember anything!" He gets so upset with himself. I don't come down hard on him or shame him. But I do want to help him and I really don't know how. My husband is extremely scatterbrained like this so I do want to help DS help himself so he can do better. Does anyone have suggestions for this type of thing? How to remember what to bring home from school and how to remember to keep track of things like lunch boxes and books. |
Anonymous
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Classic ADHD
1. He needs to be evaluated for ADHD by a reputable psychologist. 2. He needs to then see a psychiatrist so the right medication at the right dosage can be found for him. 3. With the psychologist's report, you can ask for services and accommodations at school. It will likely take the form of a 504, and have repeated reminders for him, maybe extended time, and any para-educators who are circulating in his classes will keep an eye on him (you need to ask). 4. This can take months to sort out. The immediate thing to do is to teach him how to use a planner. Every morning, you remind him to write down what the teacher said for homework, due which day. Every afternoon, he checks his planner and starts the work. If he finishes something he only crosses it out if he hands it back. Every day, you check with him to make sure he's returned his assignments to the teacher. Inattentive kids often forget to do the work, and when they do it, they forget to hand it in. 5. Your husband should also find out if he has ADHD and try meds - it will make your life less hellish. |
Anonymous
| 6. For the materials left at school, maybe he should make it a rule to bring home the notebooks and whatever else every day, just in case. Backpack will be heavy, but it's worth a try. ADHD people thrive on routine, otherwise it's so easy to forget something. |
Anonymous
| get him an old fashioned planner and teach him how to use it- then once he gets a phone, teach him how to use th phone to do this. I do have add BUT its quite normal to forget to bring home hw sheets and stuff, they are not top of mind or important, also teach him to stand for a but when packing his backpack at the end of the day and review what he has to do in the afternoon and bring in the next day, of course goofing off with a friend will and should supersede that, hence he should check his planner as well. |
Anonymous
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He needs a planner and to learn a routine and a system. Talk through with him specifically what he does with his lunchbox when he is done eating. Carabiners helpful-- my DD's lunchbox is attached to her backpack with a carabiner and she never takes it off, she just gets her stuff out of the lunchbox while it's still connected to the backpack.
Read two books-- Smart But Scattered and That Crumpled Paper Was Due Last Week. |
Anonymous
This. OP, you just described my kid. |
Anonymous
Op. Thanks for these suggestions. Do you have a specific planner in mind? |
Anonymous
Yo are the fourth person to sat this |
Anonymous
| Mine kept doing this so I told him to make up an acronym for the 4 things he must remember to bring home each day. It seems to he working. |
Anonymous
| Yes, classic ADHD. You need to let his teachers know that he needs help in this area, and the guidance counselor, too. He is by no means the only kid in this situation. The school can and should help him with this. Most middle schools teach this organization stuff and provide planners. If he does get the ADHD diagnosis, he will be so relieved to know that there’s a reason and he’s not just dumb. |
Anonymous
NP. But curious what role guidance counselors play. Our middle school has 800 kids and 2 counselors. I highly doubt a kid forgetting stuff is on their list of priorities. They are busy dealing with all the suspensions, kids not showing up to school, fighting, doing inappropriate things in class or with the computers or cell phones etc. |
Anonymous
It's a running joke among those of us with ADHD that the "perfect planner" will cure our ADHD. Not a bad idea, but don't think it's a silver bullet. |
Anonymous
| Is anyone who is disorganized now considered to have adhd? |
Anonymous
Yeah sure, it's totally made up.  You forgot an appointment once? ADHD. You sometimes forget why you walked in a room? ADHD. I love when people without ADHD think those of us who legitimately have it are just lazy or being babies or whatever. What a toxic person you are PP. Maybe just ignorant, but either way it's awful.
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Anonymous
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ADHD medication
Organizational Skills & helpful gadgets Help with confidence & self esteem Most brilliant people are this way, its something to be managed not something to be ashamed of. Also perfectionism is enemy of relaxation. Its fine to mess up from time to time. |