Go looking for answers, or assume this is just his personality?

[Anonymous]

Our son is 8.5 and has never been easy.
-low tone (didn’t walk until he was 19 months and still is weak)
-high anxiety
-low iron
-restless legs
-poor memory (as stated in his test results)

But as he ages, more things become problematic and pronounced…or maybe it’s just who he is and nothing is “wrong”…?

He’s very sensory seeking.
He used to be a great eater, now he’s cut his diet down to a handful of acceptable food.
He’s generally unpleasant and rude.
He is very stubborn and obstinate; it’s nearly impossible to talk to him and teach him things.
He’s wildly immature…we’re shocked he’s almost 9 but he truly has the manners and behavior of a toddler.

I don’t know where to start. We will have an upcoming visit with a developmental pediatrician, but I really don’t know what to ask for. He had some test when he was four, and I don’t even remember what they were. That’s where they nailed down the anxiety, and the very low memory.

Im just… Overwhelmed. He’s a nice and sweet kid but I feel like we’re not doing enough for him.

Please be kind.

[Anonymous]

Just be sure to mention this list of observations to your pediatrician. How does your son do in school? Have his teachers mentioned anything about his behavior or physical differences? If so, bring those up as well. For what it's worth, our daughter was always a picky eater but became even more extreme around the same age, but is slowly coming back around to trying more foods. Hopefully it's a phase your son will grow out of. Try to use good manners around your son, give him gentle reminders, and give lots of praise when he does something well. If your son has diagnosed anxiety perhaps you need to start exploring medications, which could help with some of the other behavioral issues. I'd definitely bring this up with the pediatrician.

[Anonymous]

Make a list of things.
Present them to the dev ped.
Nothing jumps out at me except possibly autism with anxiety (autism almost always comes with anxiety).

[Anonymous]

op yours sounds just like mine who has adhd and may or may not be on the spectrum (experts disagree but it almost doesn't matter). the reason for a diagnosis in the scenario you describe is that it can help you better support the challenges. but it's no a panacea. It could be that he has ADHD, which can delay maturity, lead to oppositional behavior and causes low frustration tolerance. A lot of this 'varietal' of adhd will ALSO get an ASD dx. I more rarely see asd dx alone when the main issue is emotional regulation and frustration tolerance.

For us, ADHD medication, parenting modification, group therapy and sports have been the most helpful but i will still have days like today when I want to scream. so you have my solidarity.

[Anonymous]

Not sure about the diagnosis but an OT and ABA can help a TON with setting up a plan so you can teach him missing skills like manners. PCIT is amazing for problem behaviors.
how does he do at school?

[Anonymous]

You need to be open to whatever diagnosis may come. But if the diagnosis is anxiety, you should try anxiety meds.

[Anonymous]

I would see a specialist for the low tone and restless legs and anemia. And get a sleep study-- he may be sleeping really poorly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would see a specialist for the low tone and restless legs and anemia. And get a sleep study-- he may be sleeping really poorly.

We did a sleep study which confirmed restless legs.

[Anonymous]

He is FINE at school. No outbursts and is fine.

[Anonymous]

Please don't rely just on the developmental pediatrician. At age 8.5, he needs a complete neuropsych assessment and perhaps a complete assessment from a speech and language pathologist including pragmatic speech.

Who did the testing at age 4? Contact that person and get the records of the assessment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would see a specialist for the low tone and restless legs and anemia. And get a sleep study-- he may be sleeping really poorly.

We did a sleep study which confirmed restless legs.

Right, so what can you actually do about the anemia, low tone, and legs? There might be medication that can help him. No wonder he feels crabby if he is anemic with poor sleep.

[Anonymous]

Nothing is "wrong". Everything can be improved. DSM diagnostic categories are arbitrary lines drawn for convenience.

If he unable to do things he (or maybe you) want, look for help.

[Anonymous]

“He’s generally unpleasant and rude.
He is very stubborn and obstinate; it’s nearly impossible to talk to him and teach him things.
He’s wildly immature…we’re shocked he’s almost 9 but he truly has the manners and behavior of a toddler.”

None of the behaviors mentioned above are present at school? His teachers haven’t mentioned that “it’s nearly impossible to teach him new things”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our son is 8.5 and has never been easy.
-low tone (didn’t walk until he was 19 months and still is weak)
-high anxiety
-low iron
-restless legs
-poor memory (as stated in his test results)

But as he ages, more things become problematic and pronounced…or maybe it’s just who he is and nothing is “wrong”…?

He’s very sensory seeking.
He used to be a great eater, now he’s cut his diet down to a handful of acceptable food.
He’s generally unpleasant and rude.
He is very stubborn and obstinate; it’s nearly impossible to talk to him and teach him things.
He’s wildly immature…we’re shocked he’s almost 9 but he truly has the manners and behavior of a toddler.

I don’t know where to start. We will have an upcoming visit with a developmental pediatrician, but I really don’t know what to ask for. He had some test when he was four, and I don’t even remember what they were. That’s where they nailed down the anxiety, and the very low memory.

Im just… Overwhelmed. He’s a nice and sweet kid but I feel like we’re not doing enough for him.

Please be kind.

Go looking for answers. Even if it is just his personality (meaning no diagnosable condition), you will still find professionals to help. And all of this stuff will start to impact him at school in later elem school and beyond. Plus, and this is important: your needs matter too. You can get help for him so that he isn’t rude to you and doesn’t demand special food at dinner, for example. It’s okay to think of the family as a system and seek help if that system is too weighted toward one person’s needs/desires or if another person is being forced to accommodate too much.

[Anonymous]

I have never heard a neuropsych not diagnose something. If you get a neuropsych you get a dx - likely more than one