If you let your child fail...

[Anonymous]

DC with ADHD is in high school and combative, insulting and just angry about having to do any work at all. I am driving myself to the ground trying to help in every way possible (tutors, talking with teachers and staff, and spending hours helping 1:1 with work) but they have no consideration of the sacrifices everyone else is making for their schooling and future. If you let your child like this fail, what happened to your child?

Did they get a job? Go to community college? What is your relationship with them like?

[Anonymous]

If they fail out of HS how do you expect them to successfully go to community college? A HS diploma is one of the most important keys to a successful adult life. If you don’t want to be supporting your child into adulthood you need to keep working with them.

A couple of suggestions. Reevaluate medication and possibly diagnosis. Second, try to get them into a program where academic classes isn’t a significant part of the day, like a vocational program.

[Anonymous]

This is my life and my daily struggle I have every day. Every Damn day. I don’t think I’m there yet with the natural consequences of bad grades but I am getting really close. I found a therapist for my son so he can vent his frustration and anger. Its not great though S0 I will be following this. hang in there!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If they fail out of HS how do you expect them to successfully go to community college? A HS diploma is one of the most important keys to a successful adult life. If you don’t want to be supporting your child into adulthood you need to keep working with them.

A couple of suggestions. Reevaluate medication and possibly diagnosis. Second, try to get them into a program where academic classes isn’t a significant part of the day, like a vocational program.

I agree with this. They get to do more hands-on stuff and lots of trades pay big and are in demand.

[Anonymous]

This is tough and exhausting. Hang in there!

[Anonymous]

This was my high school kid in early high school. I think there is a difference between doing what you are currently doing, which is clearly unsustainable and doing zero.

I think you have to start slowly backing away and letting them have tutors and saying you won’t do one on one if they’re yelling at you and try to get the school to help more I’m back away slowly so that hopefully they have support

My ADHD kid is now in college-he really pulled it together later in high school as I backed off and he did actually file couple of tests and then I got him to recover. In college, he is succeeding with extra time and tutoring-but it’s a small college with support

[Anonymous]

Part of this is waiting for the brain to mature. You should also re-evaluate any meds that could be causing irritability. Is he like this in all settings, or just with school stuff?

Take him to visit a traditional college and ask him if this is what he wants to work for. Have him meet with a guidance counselor to have explained the options for after high school, and see what speaks to him. See if he can visit a trade school or whatever.

A few sessions with a family counselor can help to smooth out home interactions and what you can do to support and how he needs to be respectful. A good family therapist will let everyone feel heard. Tell him the sessions are not because he is the problem, but because you need help as a parent.

You will have to come to terms with the fact that he may not follow the same path as everyone else’s kids, and that the main thing is that he is healthy and happy and able to support himself.

You should also have him drug tested.

He might benefit greatly from a summer program like Outward Bound, where he will have a different group of people and will learn a lot about himself.

Try to have some positive interactions with him that are just a moment of fun and appreciation for who he is now.

[Anonymous]

That was my sibling, now a successful business executive, multi-millionaire. YMMD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That was my sibling, now a successful business executive, multi-millionaire. YMMD.

That was my sibling. Drinking by age 15, dropped out by age 17, unemployed by age 20, dying in a hospital from liver failure by age 40.

Somehow he made it, stopped drinking largely due to his wife's support, went back to school, now works as an addition counselor at age 50.

Not recommended.

[Anonymous]

This is what I worry about with my DD, but she's also dyslexic. When you all talk about trade or vocational schools in the area, can you list some here? I'd love to start looking into some of them to see if they might be a fit for my kid. She'll be in high school next year, but is hugely combative and needs so much support and I'm terrified she's gonna just drop out. The aptitude is there but the work is hard and it's much easier to walk away.

[Anonymous]

OP I am there with you. I’ve decided that the only help I will now give is pay for therapy, psych for meds, make sure 504 plan is in place. And of course tutors but she always finds a reason to not work with the tutor so it was pointless.

It’s hard to back off but my help wasn’t working anyway and it was affecting our relationship and frankly my own mental health.

I have no idea how this will turn out.

[Anonymous]

What are the dads doing?

Just do the same as them. Teamwork makes the dream work.

[Anonymous]

Are you trying medication? Both an ADHD med and a an antidepressant? Have they had a full evaluation to see if there are other issues beside ADHD? Do they have a 504 plan. Do they have a therapist?

Have you sat down and talked with them in a non-judgmental way about what they like and what they want? Are there any classes or subjects they like? Do they have any interests outside of school?

[Anonymous]

Just want to say that I’m in the same boat, OP. I’ve thought about letting him fail and I just can’t do it. Keeping up with him and his classes is like a second job. And he has tutors to help him as well. He has no idea that he is so disorganized and things would completely fall apart if I was not so involved. It is so exhausting. So you are not alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This was my high school kid in early high school. I think there is a difference between doing what you are currently doing, which is clearly unsustainable and doing zero.

I think you have to start slowly backing away and letting them have tutors and saying you won’t do one on one if they’re yelling at you and try to get the school to help more I’m back away slowly so that hopefully they have support

My ADHD kid is now in college-he really pulled it together later in high school as I backed off and he did actually file couple of tests and then I got him to recover. In college, he is succeeding with extra time and tutoring-but it’s a small college with support

Which college, PP?