Responsibility after college?

[Anonymous]

To what extent do parents remain financially responsible for their kids after they graduate from college? Help them with rent, down payment or repayment of student loans?

[Anonymous]

Depends.

[Anonymous]

Are they in grad school? Are they saving up to buy a house? Are they getting married? Do they have trouble finding a job? Once they find one, what does it pay?

There are a million variable here. My goal is for my child to be both financially independent and stable/safe. I would consider helping with rent and other expenses if doing so was a temporary measure intended to help my child toward independence. For instance helping with money while they complete a valuable internship, letting them live with me for a while so they can save up for a down payment, giving them money for a down payment once they have a job that will enable them to pay the mortgage on their own, etc. But I could also see a situation where they just get a job and can afford rent while also saving, and I just periodically take them out for nice meals and buy some groceries when I visit.

It just depends on their trajectory and what makes sense. I do believe in helping when it will genuinely be useful and can help my child achieve a goal. I view my money as "family money" and I think it makes sense to pool resources to help the next generations succeed.

[Anonymous]

It depends if they are going to grad school or work. You can pay until they finish education , if you can. Most people at least grad students on their phone, health and car insurance plans.

[Anonymous]

Once our kids were out of college they were on their own. We did not give them allowances in college which is why they all had summer jobs. We wanted them to work hard and live on their own money and not ours. They lived in some pretty sketchy places with other kids but they made do. They are all married with children and doing well and for estate planning purposes we now gift them a fair amount every year which they invest.

[Anonymous]

It really depends on the circumstances. In general, unless there was an underlying physical or mental health condition, once out of college they get a job and support themselves. I might help with the transition, rent/deposit to get them started, but that's it, unless its an emergency. I would, however, keep them on my health insurance. I think helping them learn to be independent, responsible adults is very important.

[Anonymous]

Oldest: They got a job that was a commutable distance from our house. We said they could live at home rent free for a year if they saved $3k a month on top of 15% into 401k - this was based on their salary and expected costs if they had their own apartment (including food). I inflated the expected costs a bit. While they were at home, Covid happened and it did not make sense for them to leave after a year. They moved out about 2 1/2 years after they moved in - with a hefty savings account.

Youngest, came home after graduation and applied to grad schools. They left for grad school after one year. They came back after one year as grad school did not work out. They are now looking for a job.

[Anonymous]

Totally depends on the situation. Having them stay in my home is always an option that I have no problem with if they need it. Neither of my kids would prefer that so I have no fear that they will just stay here forever. I'm also fine with carrying them on my insurance, cell phone plan etc, as long as they are looking for FT work. I told them both they are welcome to stay here with us for the first year to try to save some money but the fact is that we are not very commutable to anywhere they are likely to work.

Once they have a FT job, I don't expect to have to support them at all. They will be required to live within their means.

I did promise them I'd try to provide college entirely but they will both have to take a small loan due to an unexpected change in my finances, so if I can, I will pay that off once they graduate.

[Anonymous]

you go first Op

[Anonymous]

For us, it's going to dependent entirely on the income that they earn in their first jobs out of college and the COL in the area where they are living and working. I do expect that they will be working in person (I hope) and not from home.

[Anonymous]

They may learn that their salary does not support living in a high COL area. Something needs to change. It helps if they understand this sooner rather than later (because parents helped supplement their living expenses)

[Anonymous]

We will always help them out if they're in trouble or if investing in their needs sooner helps them grow generational wealth later.

For example, loaning money interest-free, for downpayments and such. My husband's family has always done this, and we plan to continue.

[Anonymous]

Our kids both went to grad school - one to med, one to law. The one going to law school took a year off and spent the year in Europe bartending and nannying. We paid for her flights there and back, and her phone. Both kids have academic trusts so there were no loans. I know when our son moved for residency we got him a Dyson, but can't recall anything else we paid for at that point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:you go first Op

+1 lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It really depends on the circumstances. In general, unless there was an underlying physical or mental health condition, once out of college they get a job and support themselves. I might help with the transition, rent/deposit to get them started, but that's it, unless its an emergency. I would, however, keep them on my health insurance. I think helping them learn to be independent, responsible adults is very important.

why? Presumably, their company offers health insurance.

I would let them live at home and pay a small amount of rent so that they could save some money, but that would be it.

Of course, grad school would be different.