How often do you check your teen’s phone?

[Anonymous]

Even though mine has downtime and app limits, has 360, and plugs it in at night, knowing I can check at anytime, there is still some shocking stuff on there. If I take it without them knowing in advance (fight or bad grade) there is even more.
What ppl say and do and act online, even as 15yr olds is appalling.

And I sit there and wonder do parents regulate or check their kids phones or social media at all? Or just give them free range and hope their kids aren’t terrible.

Drugs, vaping, bullying, sneaking out to parties at 2am, sex acts, using girls and if they don’t get what they want, ghost them and tell others they did stuff, alcohol, getting high in school, fat shaming, ugly shaming, and using words that would get you removed from school etc…

My kid isn’t close with many of the kids I find stuff on or see on the social medias (snap, tik tok) but I am shocked at how much they say or do.

I talk a lot of what is expected of my son but he is pretty adamant most parents turn a blind eye and do the boys will be boys. He has kept to himself with a close group of 4 friends but is popular I guess based on his sport. I am nervous he will go down this path.

How do you not realize your kid is high on a weekday, or sneaking out at 3am, or drinking on the weekends?

I guess the last few checks have just floored me. Some are my friends kids I have known since they were K students.

[Anonymous]

I mean, some may be doing that…and some may say they are doing that. The false bravado amongst boys is very strong…don’t believe everything they say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, some may be doing that…and some may say they are doing that. The false bravado amongst boys is very strong…don’t believe everything they say.

Are you serious? I hope you don’t have any teen boys. This is extremely dangerous thinking. RAISE THEM RIGHT

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, some may be doing that…and some may say they are doing that. The false bravado amongst boys is very strong…don’t believe everything they say.

Ummm I think the parents that think this way are just avoiding the very real issues of how teen boys with 24/7 porn and internet/social media content change drastically. They don’t want to deal with it.

[Anonymous]

Now more often that I found similar talk, and implemented more restrictions, and expectations.

[Anonymous]

I don’t ever check my 15 year old’s phone. I stopped before high school. He’s pretty open about things and I know a lot of friends are drinking, doing drugs and even driving without a license. I know some of their parents know but I know my kid has also tried drugs and alcohol. We are trying to keep the lines of communication open and think that’s more effective than checking phones. I can’t keep up with what apps they use to communicate. They aren’t texting.

As for the other stuff, we stopped allowing sleepovers many years ago. We sleep with our car keys in our bedroom. I don’t think he’s leaving in the night since I’m the lighter sleeper in the house.

[Anonymous]

Amen, OP. The worst part IMHO is that so many kids get to keep their phone in their room 24/7. That leads to a lot of the problems.

[Anonymous]

I checked my kids phones the first two years they had them. Maybe through 8th grade? By ninth grade it was just reminders. I recall pointing out to each of my kids when they turned a certain age that if they sent nudes or got nudes from someone below their age THEY would be seen as the pedophile. THEY would be seen as the aggressor.

I recall seeing something on my DD's phone that bothered me, and I talked to her about it. My stance was "You're friends with racist people who will use the N word as a slur, AND friends with people dumb enough to put their use of the N word online for anyone to see. Is that who you want to be associated with?"

By the time she was 18 she was off Tik Tok and she'd really increased the quality of her friends.

[Anonymous]

Checking their phone only works if they don’t know you are doing it. If they do, it’ll all go into lockdown on Snapchat or a burner phone.

And yes I know what you are talking about and it’s shocking. My 16 yo has had a recent increase in her social status due to making a bunch of new friends this year and oh my word. The things I’ve been hearing. High at school, sneaking out, sexual antics

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t ever check my 15 year old’s phone. I stopped before high school. He’s pretty open about things and I know a lot of friends are drinking, doing drugs and even driving without a license. I know some of their parents know but I know my kid has also tried drugs and alcohol. We are trying to keep the lines of communication open and think that’s more effective than checking phones. I can’t keep up with what apps they use to communicate. They aren’t texting.

As for the other stuff, we stopped allowing sleepovers many years ago. We sleep with our car keys in our bedroom. I don’t think he’s leaving in the night since I’m the lighter sleeper in the house.

Your kid is only 15 and has already tried alcohol and drugs and you don’t look at his phone ever? You don’t think he is sneaking out but you aren’t even sure? What about girls, sex, bullying, harassment, or getting in cars with drinkers, etc… You think a 15yr old boy tells the truth to his parents. He told you every time he tried things or made mistakes. His friends are the bad ones but he isn’t? Come on!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Checking their phone only works if they don’t know you are doing it. If they do, it’ll all go into lockdown on Snapchat or a burner phone.

And yes I know what you are talking about and it’s shocking. My 16 yo has had a recent increase in her social status due to making a bunch of new friends this year and oh my word. The things I’ve been hearing. High at school, sneaking out, sexual antics

I have all their social media apps and log ins on my phone to check at any time. I rarely do unless I sense issues

I gave a parent code and downtime and app limits

They don’t have money to buy a burner phone

[Anonymous]

Never

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t ever check my 15 year old’s phone. I stopped before high school. He’s pretty open about things and I know a lot of friends are drinking, doing drugs and even driving without a license. I know some of their parents know but I know my kid has also tried drugs and alcohol. We are trying to keep the lines of communication open and think that’s more effective than checking phones. I can’t keep up with what apps they use to communicate. They aren’t texting.

As for the other stuff, we stopped allowing sleepovers many years ago. We sleep with our car keys in our bedroom. I don’t think he’s leaving in the night since I’m the lighter sleeper in the house.

Yikes, I hope you’re a troll!

[Anonymous]

Never.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t ever check my 15 year old’s phone. I stopped before high school. He’s pretty open about things and I know a lot of friends are drinking, doing drugs and even driving without a license. I know some of their parents know but I know my kid has also tried drugs and alcohol. We are trying to keep the lines of communication open and think that’s more effective than checking phones. I can’t keep up with what apps they use to communicate. They aren’t texting.

As for the other stuff, we stopped allowing sleepovers many years ago. We sleep with our car keys in our bedroom. I don’t think he’s leaving in the night since I’m the lighter sleeper in the house.

Your kid is only 15 and has already tried alcohol and drugs and you don’t look at his phone ever? You don’t think he is sneaking out but you aren’t even sure? What about girls, sex, bullying, harassment, or getting in cars with drinkers, etc… You think a 15yr old boy tells the truth to his parents. He told you every time he tried things or made mistakes. His friends are the bad ones but he isn’t? Come on!!!

I’m not a troll. I think a lot of sophomores have tried alcohol or vapes. You are the clueless ones if you think this isn’t common. It’s a blessing and a curse that my kid tells us a lot. No, he’s not perfect at all. But I’m a realist and know the things you are checking on the phone aren’t likely the apps where they do their primary communication. The second you start demanding to see Snapchat they will change the settings and you won’t even know what you aren’t seeing.