how do you recharge?

[Anonymous]

When you’re exhausted and sad and feel like school isn’t worth it for your kid because no one cares, what do you do?

We just hired a lawyer last month and after they called for another retainer now, bringing this IEP battle to five-figures (from in-laws who “don’t believe in autism” and tell me what a failure of a mother I am and that this is all my fault), I feel like this is all pointless, because nothing is changing because no one cares, and .. I’m just not sure what to do with myself. Anyone have any experience and can tell me what to do with myself?

[Anonymous]

OP I was just about to do my own burn out email about having no support from family other than my husband, needing the patience of a saint which I don't always have doing backflips to make things OK and how I just have nothing left. Thank you for your email.

It's not pointless. I try everything you can handle. I have been there many times, and then something happens-sometimes something so small and sometimes something big and it makes it worth it.

Some videos that help me...Kerry Underwood "The Champion" for the special olympics and Katy Perry "Rise" for the olympics.

I have also had to distance myself from those who bring me down and drain me- and sadly that was a lot of family. They want grandchildren who will attend ivy league schools and bring them bragging rights. The final straw for me was being called "selfish" when I was too busy with my child's interventions and medical issues to help my wealthy mother with something she easily pay someone to do.

It['s about survival. I exercise and eat healthy to keep myself from having a nervous breakdown. I see friends and watch funny mini-videos to keep myself resilient. I set boundaries and distance myself from emotional vampires to keep myself strong. I celebrate even the smallest victory. I keep a sense of humor. I fall many times, including earlier today and then i get right back up every.single.time because I want to know I did my best. I do what I can handle-I allow myself grace and remind myself I cannot burn out by doing too much.

Rest...give yourself grace, then dust yourself off, get back up and get back your fight. We are cheering you on!

[Anonymous]

OP again,.. Thank you so much. Cheering for you too, and for everyone else there with us. I feel bad/guilty/ashamed for feeling so sad, and then I feel sadder. Will try a video, in car line.

[Anonymous]

I temporarily shut down, ignore everyone and distract myself with my music, food, friends and pets.

I've had my share of interesting comments from relatives, but as a research scientist, I have a small advantage that only the most obnoxious members of my family will tussle with me. The rest trust me to know better. I can smile and provide research-based information to the obnoxious ones and leave it at that.

But it's hard to parent an ADHD/ASD child when the father is also ADHD/ASD. This has been my greatest hurdle. It nearly broke our marriage. Actually, I think it did break it. We're just not divorcing.

Wishing you strength, OP. You will astound yourself with the marvels you bring about for your child!

[Anonymous]

Once or twice a year, I take a day off of work when my kids have school and don’t do anything productive.

I find support groups helpful because they make me feel less alone.

I also read a lot of romance, because I need entertainment with a guaranteed happy ending.

[Anonymous]

Nice single malt.

[Anonymous]

I ask my husband to take the kids somewhere so I can be alone in my own home. I find that so much more restorative than going somewhere myself. But it’s only restorative if it’s a LOT of hours, otherwise it’d just be a chore catch up.

[Anonymous]

I walk, alone, outside, with a podcast. Sometimes i tune in to the content of the podcast and feel productive for learning something or entertained by something funny, and sometimes i just tune it out and let my brain wander.

The air, solitude and distraction helps reset and bring perspective.

Also sometimes I cry in the shower and thats fine too!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I ask my husband to take the kids somewhere so I can be alone in my own home. I find that so much more restorative than going somewhere myself. But it’s only restorative if it’s a LOT of hours, otherwise it’d just be a chore catch up.

This is EXACTLY me. One of the most restorative things for me is to be alone in the house. It gives me space to decompress and let go of everyone else's immediate needs. And I'm not talking about DH leaving with the kids for an errand or two. Unfortunately, th is is rare. There is someone at home almost all of the time with me.

[Anonymous]

Pp. I also pick two streaming series at a time to watch. Usually I'll have a comedy and a drama so I can watch either one based on my current mood. I watch the comedies in one sitting because they're shorter. Sometimes the dramas take multiple sittings to get through an episode because they're longer and more mentally demanding. It gives me a break in my thinking.