Any South Asians/Indians here? Need advice about eldercare

[Anonymous]

My mother is 89 and was the picture of health until a couple of weeks ago, when she came down with viral pneumonia. She is still in the hospital but will be allowed to go home soon. She will need full time care for a few weeks till her lungs recover and then 24 hour help and additional assistance to coordinate hospital visits/checkups and general household matters. I have started making some arrangements but would appreciate it if people who have dealt with this can note their experiences regarding reliability, safety and availability of such services in India (Hyderabad, if that matters). TIA

[Anonymous]

Any opportunity for her to go to a rehab center before she goes home? Doing that as a transitional may be a lot easier/safer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother is 89 and was the picture of health until a couple of weeks ago, when she came down with viral pneumonia. She is still in the hospital but will be allowed to go home soon. She will need full time care for a few weeks till her lungs recover and then 24 hour help and additional assistance to coordinate hospital visits/checkups and general household matters. I have started making some arrangements but would appreciate it if people who have dealt with this can note their experiences regarding reliability, safety and availability of such services in India (Hyderabad, if that matters). TIA

OP, I went through this with my father earlier this year. He needed a lot of care for several weeks towards the end before he passed away.

While there are several 'elder care' agencies, we found that we had to work with different agencies for each of his needs - we had one that supplied full time nurses, another that coordinated with the hospital, provided transportation and accompanied him to his chemo appointments etc. Several hospitals offer these types of post-hospital care packages and we had some success with them, so you may want to explore that option. Does your mother live with one of your siblings or a relative? Our experience was that there needs to be someone who can provide oversight - I would not advise leaving your mom alone with the nurse for extended periods of time. My mom was not able to manage all of it and my brother traveled from here to provide the necessary support for several weeks.

Hope this helps. While my parents live in Bangalore, I am sure the same agencies operate in Hyderabad as well. Let me know if you need any names or if you have questions. I know from experience that trying to manage the care of an elderly parent who is sick is tremendously challenging and stressful - good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother is 89 and was the picture of health until a couple of weeks ago, when she came down with viral pneumonia. She is still in the hospital but will be allowed to go home soon. She will need full time care for a few weeks till her lungs recover and then 24 hour help and additional assistance to coordinate hospital visits/checkups and general household matters. I have started making some arrangements but would appreciate it if people who have dealt with this can note their experiences regarding reliability, safety and availability of such services in India (Hyderabad, if that matters). TIA

OP, I went through this with my father earlier this year. He needed a lot of care for several weeks towards the end before he passed away.

While there are several 'elder care' agencies, we found that we had to work with different agencies for each of his needs - we had one that supplied full time nurses, another that coordinated with the hospital, provided transportation and accompanied him to his chemo appointments etc. Several hospitals offer these types of post-hospital care packages and we had some success with them, so you may want to explore that option. Does your mother live with one of your siblings or a relative? Our experience was that there needs to be someone who can provide oversight - I would not advise leaving your mom alone with the nurse for extended periods of time. My mom was not able to manage all of it and my brother traveled from here to provide the necessary support for several weeks.

Hope this helps. While my parents live in Bangalore, I am sure the same agencies operate in Hyderabad as well. Let me know if you need any names or if you have questions. I know from experience that trying to manage the care of an elderly parent who is sick is tremendously challenging and stressful - good luck!

OP here. Thanks and sorry about your father.

My mother lives alone but will have someone dropping in on her every few days. Until now, she had not needed any help, so this was not a consideration at all. There are agencies (which come recommended by relatives) and I will try and set something up. I believe there is a national organization called Samarth which does local hospital coordination etc. I don't have any choice but to have her manage on her own, since I can't be on indefinite leave from work. I will try and assemble as much of a team as possible in the next few days. The bigger concerns that I have are things like managing UTIs etc. which are now a real possibility because of her condition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother is 89 and was the picture of health until a couple of weeks ago, when she came down with viral pneumonia. She is still in the hospital but will be allowed to go home soon. She will need full time care for a few weeks till her lungs recover and then 24 hour help and additional assistance to coordinate hospital visits/checkups and general household matters. I have started making some arrangements but would appreciate it if people who have dealt with this can note their experiences regarding reliability, safety and availability of such services in India (Hyderabad, if that matters). TIA

OP, I went through this with my father earlier this year. He needed a lot of care for several weeks towards the end before he passed away.

While there are several 'elder care' agencies, we found that we had to work with different agencies for each of his needs - we had one that supplied full time nurses, another that coordinated with the hospital, provided transportation and accompanied him to his chemo appointments etc. Several hospitals offer these types of post-hospital care packages and we had some success with them, so you may want to explore that option. Does your mother live with one of your siblings or a relative? Our experience was that there needs to be someone who can provide oversight - I would not advise leaving your mom alone with the nurse for extended periods of time. My mom was not able to manage all of it and my brother traveled from here to provide the necessary support for several weeks.

Hope this helps. While my parents live in Bangalore, I am sure the same agencies operate in Hyderabad as well. Let me know if you need any names or if you have questions. I know from experience that trying to manage the care of an elderly parent who is sick is tremendously challenging and stressful - good luck!

OP here. Thanks and sorry about your father.

My mother lives alone but will have someone dropping in on her every few days. Until now, she had not needed any help, so this was not a consideration at all. There are agencies (which come recommended by relatives) and I will try and set something up. I believe there is a national organization called Samarth which does local hospital coordination etc. I don't have any choice but to have her manage on her own, since I can't be on indefinite leave from work. I will try and assemble as much of a team as possible in the next few days. The bigger concerns that I have are things like managing UTIs etc. which are now a real possibility because of her condition.

My experience is that if you work and sometimes go out of town, you have to have live-in help or use facility care.

It’s very hard to get a limited amount of care, and the part-time professionals flake out. There’s always a reason the family caregiver has to pop in for at least a few minutes unexpectedly.

So, the only way you can survive with just limited home care is if everyone is too poor to pay for the facility, and then you survive by lying to yourself about the elder getting adequate support at home.

It might even be that the elder would-be happier at home and live longer, but there’s just going to be a lot of uncertainty and guilt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any opportunity for her to go to a rehab center before she goes home? Doing that as a transitional may be a lot easier/safer.

Meh. She will probably just get sick in rehab and they might not do much for her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother is 89 and was the picture of health until a couple of weeks ago, when she came down with viral pneumonia. She is still in the hospital but will be allowed to go home soon. She will need full time care for a few weeks till her lungs recover and then 24 hour help and additional assistance to coordinate hospital visits/checkups and general household matters. I have started making some arrangements but would appreciate it if people who have dealt with this can note their experiences regarding reliability, safety and availability of such services in India (Hyderabad, if that matters). TIA

OP, I went through this with my father earlier this year. He needed a lot of care for several weeks towards the end before he passed away.

While there are several 'elder care' agencies, we found that we had to work with different agencies for each of his needs - we had one that supplied full time nurses, another that coordinated with the hospital, provided transportation and accompanied him to his chemo appointments etc. Several hospitals offer these types of post-hospital care packages and we had some success with them, so you may want to explore that option. Does your mother live with one of your siblings or a relative? Our experience was that there needs to be someone who can provide oversight - I would not advise leaving your mom alone with the nurse for extended periods of time. My mom was not able to manage all of it and my brother traveled from here to provide the necessary support for several weeks.

Hope this helps. While my parents live in Bangalore, I am sure the same agencies operate in Hyderabad as well. Let me know if you need any names or if you have questions. I know from experience that trying to manage the care of an elderly parent who is sick is tremendously challenging and stressful - good luck!

OP here. Thanks and sorry about your father.

My mother lives alone but will have someone dropping in on her every few days. Until now, she had not needed any help, so this was not a consideration at all. There are agencies (which come recommended by relatives) and I will try and set something up. I believe there is a national organization called Samarth which does local hospital coordination etc. I don't have any choice but to have her manage on her own, since I can't be on indefinite leave from work. I will try and assemble as much of a team as possible in the next few days. The bigger concerns that I have are things like managing UTIs etc. which are now a real possibility because of her condition.

My experience is that if you work and sometimes go out of town, you have to have live-in help or use facility care.

It’s very hard to get a limited amount of care, and the part-time professionals flake out. There’s always a reason the family caregiver has to pop in for at least a few minutes unexpectedly.

So, the only way you can survive with just limited home care is if everyone is too poor to pay for the facility, and then you survive by lying to yourself about the elder getting adequate support at home.

It might even be that the elder would-be happier at home and live longer, but there’s just going to be a lot of uncertainty and guilt.

I think you are overestimating the amount and quality of care old people get in facilities