How do you decide who to invite?

[Anonymous]

Each Halloween and NYE, we have a 'party' at our house. These are really informal affairs - everyone brings something, we make a main dish and have drinks for everyone, and everyone can come and go as they please. Everyone brings their families to these gatherings, so numbers get big quickly. We have 3 kids, and by this point, we know a lot of people and we know them all in the same sort of way - connections through the kids' school, we are friendly with them, we sometimes go out with them on the weekends, etc. The older my kids get, the longer we live in our neighborhood, the more people we know. None of these folks are my best friends, but it would be odd if I invited some of these folks and not others. For example, I can't invite the family that lives 3 doors down from me but not the other family that lives on the other side of me 2 doors down.

How do you decide who to invite? If I had a mansion, I'd invite everyone. Hosting events doens't stress me out, and like I said, they are informal and expectations are low - paper plates, kids are running around, serve yourself whatever food is put out and available. But, if it rains, I'd be in trouble, so if we cant use our outside deck and yard, it would be too many people.

I just made the list for Halloween, and it got to 50 people in a blink, since a lot of families have 2 and 3 kids.

If you enjoy hosting, how do you handle this? Just stop hosting since you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or leave someone out?

[Anonymous]

For Halloween, I'd wait until 10 days out and see what the weather forecast says.

For NYE, I'd only invite close friends.

[Anonymous]

We just invite the people we like who are good guests. If the people Te’o doors down spill things in rooms they shouldn’t have been in, break stuff and leave it, do something weird, we don’t invite them back.

[Anonymous]

I don't automatically invite all the neighbors I'm friendly with. Our relationship with them have gone through changes over the years. Some are unfailingly kind, some are hot and cold, and some are ungracious. I don't invite the latter two to my house anymore.

[Anonymous]

Two options:

Instead of big parties, do small gatherings with one or two other families and rotate the invites.

OR

Do a big party and invite everyone but make it untra casual and more of a drop by. So instead of a backyard party with a huge spread and games for the kids, tell everyone you're hosting cider and snacks on the porch/front yard on Halloween night, and encourage them to stop by during their trick or treating rounds. Some people will swing by for 5 minutes, others will hang out for two hours and help you hand out candy. No one will be offended.

[Anonymous]

I don't mix groups. My DH pushed back on this, but we host a lot and I try to keep it to groups. Friends of older kids, friends of DS's families, neighborhood friends, work friends. I hate mixing groups

[Anonymous]

How big is your house, OP? I'm in the same situation, don't live in a mansion (2k square foot house), but just decided to invite a ton of people (more than 50), set up the basement for kids to play in, make outdoor spaces as welcoming as possible (outdoor heaters, gas fire pit, lots of lighting, and some attraction like hot drinks under an awning). I've don't it before, lots of people came, it was a little squished but a ton of fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How big is your house, OP? I'm in the same situation, don't live in a mansion (2k square foot house), but just decided to invite a ton of people (more than 50), set up the basement for kids to play in, make outdoor spaces as welcoming as possible (outdoor heaters, gas fire pit, lots of lighting, and some attraction like hot drinks under an awning). I've don't it before, lots of people came, it was a little squished but a ton of fun.

Thanks. Op here. Yes, part of me just thinks - eh, invite everyone and if it's squishy, so what. The more the merrier.

I also like the idea of waiting 10 days out from the event date and check the weather if I need my outside space.

[Anonymous]

We invite everyone and just set up tables and chairs in the garage if we have to.

[Anonymous]

We have been left off the invite list before, it is ok. I understand not everyone can be invited, we still chat at school pickup and while I don't know exactly how they're coming up with the list, it's vaguely closer parent friends who have more in common, like they'd be friends even without the school connection at this point.

[Anonymous]

I went through something similar for a party we recently hosted and I completely understand how tough it is to cut people from the guestlist. That being said a party with over 50 people is very different than a party with 20 people because you, as a host, have to really limit how much time you can spend with each guest. Also when you mix groups you have to make sure you have people that like to talk to new people and aren't just going to stay with their clique.

I would decide on an ideal number and then come up with a list of people that you truly want to invite. Then see if you are excluding a small amount from any one group. With neighbors in can be tricky but I settled on inviting less than half of my normal neighborhood crew. I could fill the whole party with just neighbors but I wanted to have room to include school and work families. I also felt obligated to include some families that I haven't hosted in the past that I really needed to reciprocate over families that I'm friendlier with but have hosted multiple times without reciprocation. Since you have two parties you can also choose to make one more neighborhood focused and the other more school friend focused.