Fat lady with too much time on her hands

[Anonymous]

Ask away. No plans all night.

[Anonymous]

I hear crickets on the background...
Look, a bunch of hay just flew by...

[Anonymous]

Be more specific. Give us some ideas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be more specific. Give us some ideas.

Okay. How about we start with a nice opener? Anyone in your life bothering you? Tell me all about it. I'll totally agree with you, and probably start to say some really funny things when I hit my third Pinot Grigio. You cannot lose with me.

[Anonymous]

Well, I can't stand my brother-in-law. After being fired from numerous jobs, he has finally landed a lobbying gig and has done well at it. But he now says things like "Guess I can't buy my suits off the rack anymore." Ass.

[Anonymous]

How much do you weigh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I can't stand my brother-in-law. After being fired from numerous jobs, he has finally landed a lobbying gig and has done well at it. But he now says things like "Guess I can't buy my suits off the rack anymore." Ass.

I HATE YOUR GOD DAMNED BROTHER IN LAW TOO! GOD DAMNED LOBBYISTS! ...

Probably doesn't even buy nice suits. Probably just likes to say that but is too much of a cheapskate to actually go to a tailor.

GOD DAMNED BASTARD! WHY DID YOUR SISTER MARRY THAT GOD DAMNED BASTARD?!

See, this is great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How much do you weigh?

200. But I'm tall. I look great for 200. Plus, I'm on Weight Watchers.

You gals are lucky. I saved points all week, so I have 46 points left and I'm shooting my whole wad tonight on WHITE WINE!

[Anonymous]

Do you think Jennifer Aniston is really beautiful or just cute?

[Anonymous]

My husband. While I'm taking care of the baby, is he working on dinner? No. Sitting on his a$$ messing around on the computer.

[Anonymous]

Do you think Andrew Cuomo looks like Moe the bartender on the Simpsons?

[Anonymous]

How tall are you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you think Jennifer Aniston is really beautiful or just cute?

I remember where I was when I found out she and Brad were breaking up. I was at my friend Toni's house (She used to get People magazine).

She's beautiful. But I don't know anything about her.

[Anonymous]

Is it important to be as smart as your (gifted) kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband. While I'm taking care of the baby, is he working on dinner? No. Sitting on his a$$ messing around on the computer.

It's late. You are eating too late. Who is making the GOD DAMNED DINNER?!!!!

Go over there and tell him to get his a$$ off the computer.

But say it really weird so he doesn't know what the hell is going on with you and he gets a little worried. Say stuff like, "Hey you Mr. Greenjeans!!! Where are my beans Mr. Greenjeans?"

Then when he asks what is wrong with you, get real quiet and just keep mumbling how you need dinner.