Will I be datable as a divorced mom? Will I see people I know on dating apps?

[Anonymous]

Found out earlier this year that my husband had a multiyear affair. I will absolutely not jump into anything too soon, but when I'm ready and the time is right, I would like to eventually date as I have been with soon to be ex since I was 20yo. In the future, I'd absolutely want to build a long term partnership if not marriage. Will I be datable?

-33yo
-Kids ages 6 and 3, would be open to more with the right person
-Owner of a thriving business, very financially independent
-Genuinely good family of origin and friendships (no drama)
-Take good care of myself as far as working out, staying active, grooming, being put together (but do have diastasis recti from the kids ugh)
-Great cook, adventurous, easy going, open minded, hard worker but leave the stress at work

I've never been on dating apps as they didn't exist last time I was single. Am I likely to be looking at divorced guys with kids in their 40s? How often do you see people you know on the apps? I've been curious to download and poke around just to see what they are like, but divorce isn't public knowledge yet.

[Anonymous]

Very dateable.

I was 36 with 3 kids and financially independent (I think this is key) and had tons of dates with men in their 30s. Dated a great guy for 4 years starting at 39 and we were the same age.

[Anonymous]

Of course.

Where does this myth come from that divorced women or moms can’t date, or shouldn’t date?? Don’t internalize that BS!

OP, I was slightly younger than you (31) with two kids under five when I left my ex. I used the apps and found the man who would eventually become my husband. You will be fine! But first, please decondition your belief system and tune out any message that suggests you are somehow less than based on your family status.

[Anonymous]

Very

[Anonymous]

Very dateable.

You have to expect to see people you know on dating sights. There are plenty of "famous for DC" people on there that I recognize without knowing them, as well as having seen colleagues, people in my building, people in my office, clients etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course.

Where does this myth come from that divorced women or moms can’t date, or shouldn’t date?? Don’t internalize that BS!

OP, I was slightly younger than you (31) with two kids under five when I left my ex. I used the apps and found the man who would eventually become my husband. You will be fine! But first, please decondition your belief system and tune out any message that suggests you are somehow less than based on your family status.

This is PP and I just re-read your OP. Again, you seem to think that you’re inherently defective (or will be) as a divorced mother and need to settle. Please do away with this notion. The man I married was/is just a couple of years older than me with no kids. He is also taller then and makes more money than my ex-husband, who also cheated on me. As a sidebar, being betrayed can really rock you to the core - definitely suggest you unpack and process all of that before heading out into the dating world.

You’ll be great!

[Anonymous]

You are definitely dateable. The hard part is having enough free time. But that gets better as your kids get older.

[Anonymous]

Yes and yes you'll see people you know. I saw my ex-BIL on there. With pictures of my kids.

[Anonymous]

You will probably connect with a lot of closeted gays who want the appearance of a straight family.

Age 33 is young. As a physically fit business owner & mother, you should be mature & interesting.

[Anonymous]

Definitely. Make sure DH takes 50% custody though.

[Anonymous]

You are datable as long as you can find time between all your responsibilities to date. Don’t bore childless men with conversations about your kids and you’ll be fine.

[Anonymous]

Many relationship-minded men don't want to get involved with a mother of small kids. Many casual dating men would be open, but many of them don't want to risk you (with your kids) being relationship minded.

A divorced/widowed man with kids is more likely to be open to dating you.

Be efficient. Go online, don't hide your situation, be smart about filtering for matches (not fantasies!), make smart swipes, and if you go out with 1 first date a week out of dozens of swipes, you are doing great. Fine-tune your swiping based on experience.

[Anonymous]

You will be datable but most divorced men don't want to get married and have more kids. So, if you are up for a FWB or situationship you will do great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Found out earlier this year that my husband had a multiyear affair. I will absolutely not jump into anything too soon, but when I'm ready and the time is right, I would like to eventually date as I have been with soon to be ex since I was 20yo. In the future, I'd absolutely want to build a long term partnership if not marriage. Will I be datable?

-33yo
-Kids ages 6 and 3, would be open to more with the right person
-Owner of a thriving business, very financially independent
-Genuinely good family of origin and friendships (no drama)
-Take good care of myself as far as working out, staying active, grooming, being put together (but do have diastasis recti from the kids ugh)
-Great cook, adventurous, easy going, open minded, hard worker but leave the stress at work

I've never been on dating apps as they didn't exist last time I was single. Am I likely to be looking at divorced guys with kids in their 40s? How often do you see people you know on the apps? I've been curious to download and poke around just to see what they are like, but divorce isn't public knowledge yet.

My divorce wasn't public knowledge yet when I matched with a teacher from my kids' school. (She taught a younger grade than they'd reached already and would never have them in her classroom). It was kind of fun having a secret and sneaking around (my ex was aware but wasn't 100 percent ready to go fully public yet, and didn't have a problem with it.)

[Anonymous]

OP, please don't internalize the DCUM first wives club who like to scare every woman into thinking that if they divorce they will be bitter, angry and lonely.

50% of marriages end in divorce. You aren't alone. There are PLENTY of men out there, both with kids and without. If you are cute and fun and not looking for a new daddy for your kids or a paycheck, you will do just fine.

And no, a childless man will likely not want to date you. Would you want to date him though? Your lifestyle will be foreign to him, which isnt the foundation for a successful relationship.