Pretending you’re fine with friends when you’re not

[Anonymous]

Going to my hometown for the first time in years soon to visit some very good friends. My life is somewhat in crisis right now because of problems with DH (return of addiction). While these friends know the general ups and downs, they don’t know the latest and I definitely don’t want to spend my time with each of them rehashing my problems. But I also feel sick with worry over the situation and don’t know I can manage other genuine conversation without seeming off and distant. Is there any way at all to make this the refreshing break I desperately need instead of 1) strained fake convo or 2) just talking about my problems. I’d soooo been looking forward to seeing these friends I haven’t seen in years

[Anonymous]

Focus on them, not yourself. If they ask about you then you can say "We're in a downswing right now, but I really want to focus on you and enjoy my visit here. What's new with YOU?!" and turn it back on them or neutral things.

[Anonymous]

If they’re your good friends speaking with them about your issue may be exactly what you need. They also may see it on your face so be prepared to share.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If they’re your good friends speaking with them about your issue may be exactly what you need. They also may see it on your face so be prepared to share.

If it was one group where I could share it and we could move on I would, but it’s all individual hangouts with people I’ve stayed close with from different eras

[Anonymous]

Q: "How'd DH?"
A: "Ugh, not great. Honestly, I'm really hoping for this visit to be a break from the stresses from home. It's so great to get to relax and be with you."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Q: "How'd DH?"
A: "Ugh, not great. Honestly, I'm really hoping for this visit to be a break from the stresses from home. It's so great to get to relax and be with you."

exactly

[Anonymous]

Is there any way you can call and talk to some of them beforehand? I think a little debrief on phone might help you feel seen, and then when you see them it will be more satisfying. I think hiding and being absent from the interaction doesn’t sound right for them or your

[Anonymous]

^^you not your

[Anonymous]

For me I said: “my marriage is in shambles, x, y, z is going on. But it’s just really too much to get into right now. I’ll email you about it sometime.” (Because in fact I had been meaning to email - these were long distance friends who I only see once or twice a year)

[Anonymous]

If you’re desperate to talk about what’s going on, then pick one of these friends who is the best listener. Get a load of worry off your chest with them and them alone. For the rest, go light one your replies focus conversations on other topics.

I hope you get the break you deserve!

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, I was visiting my hometown and friends and family last weekend after a sudden layoff. I told them in passing conversation. I mostly didn't want them to worry.

Are they able to help you?

[Anonymous]

You could email them beforehand and say "I want you all to know, but I can't focus on it this weekend, so thank you for not bringing it up."

[Anonymous]

When I was as in a similar situation I just said a great friend at work has breast cancer and I’m really sad.

They would never really need to know that person, it explained my sadness, and I git sympathy without lots of questions.

At work I said the same thing but just made it a neighbor.