11 year old search history issue :/

[Anonymous]

DD is 11 but I feel like she's 14 half the time - she is a great kid but also VERY high drama (and always has been) as well as very quick to lie to save face, unfortunately. She escalates to tears, screaming, and attitude if she feels at all in the wrong - but she is also seriously a sweet, good kid who has always followed rules (& while I don't think we're absurdly strict, we not very lenient either) and is very thoughtful when she's not worked up. Never been in trouble at school or showed any kind of problematic behavior whatsoever.

We had to buy her a laptop for school this year (6th) - it's literally mandatory for 6th grade+ to use in class - and we set up very clear boundaries around usage; ie, only in the kitchen at home etc. We also have some of the family safeguards turned on, but are just figuring them out. We got her weekly report and found that she must be spending her entire study hall, if not more, randomly surfing the internet. I figured out how to block youtube as she was - as far as I can tell - watching TikTok videos on youtube? They all seemed harmless enough but I just worry.

BUT more pressingly, she googled the answer key for an assignment, which seems massively out of character for her. At the risk of sounding dumb, I'm not sure she would even appreciate that is cheating, although they do have to sign an honor code at school, which makes a big deal out of not cheating etc.

I obviously need to raise this to her but I feel like no matter how ginger I am, it's going to be throwing a match on a powder keg and it runs the risk of being unproductive because the drama will obscure the message. Any one else with an easily triggered drama queen navigate something like this and have tips to share?

[Anonymous]

You need to set limits yesterday. No endless screen time

[Anonymous]

You need to teach her not to cheat but you are mostly worried about her emotional outbursts?😳

[Anonymous]

Kids cheat. There is no earthly way she doesn't know it's not cheating. You need to have a conversation with her on what is considered cheating (my DD for instance, gives answers; she says she can't say no when the other kid is crying about how they're failing the class), and what the consequences are, for getting caught.

I have told my DD, who is very grade conscious, that giving answers IS cheating, and if the consequence is that she'll get a zero on the test, then her grade might end up being unrecoverable, and that will affect other things in her life. I can't keep her from cheating, but I can tell her in very clear terms what the consequences (at home and in school) would be.

[Anonymous]

It is tempting to do stuff like that. Tell her that the school can find out if she googles the answer key and she might get in big trouble.

It is the school's job to monitor study halls, not yours. We used to pass notes and screw around. It wasn't my mom's job to monitor that. What do you mean "she must be" surfing the internet? Like she is or she must be bc her grades are suffering? She is also 11 and just got a computer. This is all normal. Take a deep breath.

[Anonymous]

Children don't have the same understanding or respect for cheating that we do. They look up cheat codes and walkthroughs for video games and Google the answers for Wordle. Then they do the same for assignments or tests. It's all the same for them. We need to make the difference clear, starting now. Talk to her, OP. Spell it out clearly. Group chats about homework, ok; group chats about quizzes or tests, not ok. Using Google or another online resource is appropriate at some times and not at other times.

Also, for laptops at school and study hall, complain to the teachers, AP and principal. If they hear feedback from parents, they may change their policy. Our MS has really dialed back the laptop usage this year compared to last year.

[Anonymous]

Teach your child not to cheat. Limit time on electronics. But you can't control what they are doing online anymore. The second you put on a restriction another child will teach them how to avoid it. If there is a tech problem, always ask the youngest person in the room as there is no way that we geezers can keep up them.

[Anonymous]

Are her grades ok? If she’s a good student then focus on the cheating and leave the watching YouTube alone.

[Anonymous]

Make sure she understands that nothing she does online is private, ever.