14 yo DD was very rude to me

[Anonymous]

We had a very heated argument and she lost it. She said some really rude things to me. Something like “you and your little idiotic brain” etc way out of line. This has never happened before in our house (oldest is 19). What do I do? Ground her? Take away her phone? She has apologized multiple times, but it was way way out of line. WWYD?

[Anonymous]

She apologized- that's huge. Tell her calmly that you accept her apology. You also tell her that the way she spoke to you is inappropriate. She can be mad, irritated, etc with you but she has to remain respectful. I would not punish her this once.

[Anonymous]

Also- congrats to getting to 14 before experiencing this.

[Anonymous]

I think you acknowledge the heated argument, thank her for her apology, and hug. Sounds like she’s sorry.

[Anonymous]

Ask her what she thinks an apporpirate punishment is for what she did. See what she says.

[Anonymous]

She’s apologized. What do you want—a pound of flesh?

[Anonymous]

I could see enacting those consequences if she just completely refused to acknowledge her behavior but she has apparently repeatedly apologized so I think you act like the adult you are and accept the apology then when you are both calm (which may be now), talk through why/how it escalated.

[Anonymous]

Teen brains have no filter. My nine year old is doing stuff like this and then super apologizing. Let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had a very heated argument and she lost it. She said some really rude things to me. Something like “you and your little idiotic brain” etc way out of line. This has never happened before in our house (oldest is 19). What do I do? Ground her? Take away her phone? She has apologized multiple times, but it was way way out of line. WWYD?

Show her grace in how to accept an apology and move on. This is an important life lesson that MANY people here on DCUM seem to have missed.

[Anonymous]

She apologized

[Anonymous]

Not, it's actually not way out of line. She apologized, multiple times, and you are a bad parent if you don't let it go.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for your feedback!! I can always count on solid advice on this board. My parents would ground me for months if I did something similar. (But they were not the best role models) Glad I posted I am going to hug her and have a talk when I cool off a bit more. -OP

[Anonymous]

I think you can accept the apology and do a mild consequence like no phone for 48 hours but nothing beyond that.

[Anonymous]

You are the one who needs to grow, OP, if you cannot understand that sometimes teen words will not match their inner turmoil.

My 18 year old son never has outbursts like this. He's very even-keeled.
My 13 year old daughter has ups and downs and sometimes says exactly what your daughter says. She apologizes and I'm not offended AT ALL, because I know she loves me and respects me... it's just that when particularly frustrated or worried, feelings will turn into interesting turns of phrase. She is more polite with others, but feels close enough to me that she can let go. I understand this. We have a very close bond.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s apologized. What do you want—a pound of flesh?

And something tells me she may have been rude, but not entirely wrong.