undecided between doing birthday parties with friends or families only

[Anonymous]

DC has not had a real birthday party with friends, and he has only attended a few only by invites since he went to public school. He had attended many when he was back in private daycare, and families invite the whole class. We sent pizza/cupcakes when he was at private daycare, and called it a day. He is turning 8 in early December. A few days ago, I asked him if he would want to do a birthday party this year with friends or the usual with family only. He needs to give me a decision quick or else all venues might be fully booked. I could tell that he would want to celebrate with friends this year but he is also concerned that no one/a few only would attend his birthday party. He is a bit social awkward at school. I have this concern too if how many would say yes to his evite if we plan to do one. No one does whole class invite at this age anymore, and we don't have budget if the whole class attend (even it is unlikely). My budget is less than $1000, but DH has not approved that budget yet. DC says that it is up to me. I have given him another option is if we would go to amusement park or a weekend getaway if he opts out to choose to celebrate with families only. If he can't make the decision, what could I do to help him to make the decision?

To me, it is easier and fun to just plan to go out with family only. I and DH have not had celebration with friends growing up, and I don't want to rip that option off for DC if it is important or essential to DC's friendship.

[Anonymous]

For $1K, do a fun venue. I always worried, we invited almost everyone and usually had a big turnout.

[Anonymous]

Do a friend party. Invite the whole class. They won’t all come. Your $1,000 is plenty. You can do laser tag. They will come out in droves.

[Anonymous]

I had a similarly socially awkward child, and we still did friends parties every year. Some years they were quite small, but that was OK, we always did something fun. We did mostly home parties at first, then I booked venues like laser tag or fencing when he was older. It was always less than $1K, of course. Don't know why you'd think you'd need to spend that much! And don't get me started on your husband needing to "approve" your budget...

Also if you're feeling overwhelmed with all this: don't worry about scheduling the friends party right on his birthday! You celebrate with family on the date, and then you book a party whenever it suits you! Get the invites out 2-3 weeks before the day and invite the maximum amount for the venue. You should get enough yeses to have a fun party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do a friend party. Invite the whole class. They won’t all come. Your $1,000 is plenty. You can do laser tag. They will come out in droves.

+1

[Anonymous]

My DD’s 8th birthday party was this past weekend and we invited the whole class plus a bunch of family and family friends. Most of her class came, with Covid exceptions.

[Anonymous]

My kids are 10 and 12 and I’m the last few years have settled into this:
- Family birthday party - on DC’s actual birthday have a party for immediate family in the area - parents, grandparents, my siblings, kid’s cousins - for me this is ~12 people
- Kid party - an activity for my kid and friends. I stopped inviting the entire class after 1st grade (also was Covid time). I usually have a group of 5-8 kids and they go to Dave & Busters, a trampoline place, a movie or a baseball game. I stopped renting party rooms at places like Climb Zone or D & B because I don’t want a $1k party. Those places are loud and chaotic, definitely not fun for anyone but the kids lol - that’s why I do separate kid and family parties.
If you don’t think your kid has enough close friends for a friend party just do the family party. I think it was really in the 8-9 year age range where my kids started to develop close friendships. That’s when we pivoted to smaller parties with those kids.

[Anonymous]

Do a family party on his actual birthday. Then at another day that works for your venue do a friend party. Do an arcade or laser tag or game truck for an 8 year old boy and I bet you will have 8-10 people that show up if you invite all the boys in his class.

[Anonymous]

We are in the same situation, never did a friend party, shy/not social 6 year old, DH and I never had friend parties growing up. I'm also very concerned no one will show up. But we are going to try a friend party in December just so he has that memory and it's still ok to invite the whole class at a youngish age. Like PPs, we were thinking of a fun venue that'll drive attendance.

[Anonymous]

He might be happily surprised how many kids come to his party. My son was awkward at that age and we invited the whole class plus others. They all came and it was a snowy nasty weather day.

[Anonymous]

$25/kid is enough to throw a fun party at many a fun venue for kids. Bowling, Laser Tag, etc.

[Anonymous]

My son and my daughter each had laser tag parties with big groups at that age. If he’s u sure about turnout, invite the entire class. Many will come and they will have a great time. I also vote for the friend party and laser tag.

[Anonymous]

We are also in a similar situation. I prefer fun weekend getaways for birthdays because they’re fun for the whole family, but my soon to be 8 year old DC has been asking for a party with friends. He has many friends but I am not much of a party person. I had one party as a child and I could have done without it, honestly.

It is an either-or situation for us due to budget and time. My DC is torn between the two as well because we have a lot of fun during the getaways. I’m hoping he’ll choose the getaway but I guess I can take one for the team if he wants the party.

[Anonymous]

Given your child has not had a friends party, seems to want one, and you have a decent budget to do so, I would have one.

FWIW, you don't have to have one every year. We had venue parties for both of our kids last year (turned 5 and 7) and the 7yo is saying he doesn't want a party this year, he wants to do an activity with family instead (grandparents included). And he's a pretty social kid so I was surprised. But he says he just wants to do something different this year.

[Anonymous]

There are definitely still some whole class parties in 2nd grade -- more common for boys too IME. I would 100% do it. Kids will come to his party if the party itself sounds fun (e.g., is at a good venue). It will also help him get invited to other parties & may help with friendships indirectly. I require my kids to invite any kids whose parties they actually attended unless their party is a much smaller group where the kid doesn't fit (e.g., whole class boy party vs DD's small girl only sleepover).