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Do you trust your friends? Do they trust you?
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Anonymous
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There have been several posts recently where people complain about their friends or people suggested that their friends were guilted into something. Specifically: "Can I bring my kid to a wedding?" "She said yes bc you guilted her."
I have enough of a relationship that if I am invited somewhere like a wedding, I feel like I can ask about my kids and my friend will say yes or no. We have a relationship built on trust and honestly. I recently was invited to a girls weekend but I had a newborn (5 weeks). I wanted to bring him or not go and my friends said they would rather I didnt bring him. So I didnt go. Our friendship is fine, I appreciated their honesty, rather than feeling "guilted" into saying yes and then everyone being resentful. Do you trust your friends to tell you the truth? |
Anonymous
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Yes, I do. However, I have been friends with most of my friends for no less than 10 years. So we have built solid relationships.
I can say that if they were newer friends, I may not trust they are telling me the truth so much. At least in that type of situation. To me, if someone says yes, it's because it means yes. Don't feel like you made her feel guilty...quite obviously, that is her own issue. It all depends on how it's being said, how well I know the persona and they know me, and what the circumstances are. |
Anonymous
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I have lots of friends/acquaintances that I might not trust in the way you are describing and wouldn't want to put in the position of having to be honest and it being "rude".
But my 2 dearest best friends in the world I trusty implicitly. One even has the password for my email. I'd give either of them my ATM card and PIN. That level of trust. So, I also am confident that we could be honest with each other about issues (and we have in some cases). |
Anonymous
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OP here -
I kindof think its like people who argue over the check - friends, not on dates. If someone offers to pay, I have to trust thats what they want to do and I say "thanks". I hate having to assume if someone is acting out of guilt or obligation or whatever - even with new friends. If I cant just act normally right from the get-go, I feel like we are just setting up a poor relationship from the start. |
Anonymous
My best friend's daughter was married last summer and shrimp, lobster, and crab were served. I am deathly allergic to crustaceans but I would never have dreamed of asking them not to serve these foods. There were other choices and I tried to sit as far away from seafood as possible, There are some things that you dont ask of your friends--changing a menu or asking if you can bring children to a wedding or party are some of them. |
Anonymous
| I don't even trust my spouse. |
Anonymous
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13:44 - that is the best remark I have heard from the wedding thread. It is selfless and meaningful, unlike the BS on that thread. It is so tiresome to read from/listen to a bunch of self centered whiners that insist on bringing their kids - we all know it is about them, not their kids. It is so obvious - and the more the parent talks/writes, the more obvious it is. |
Anonymous
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Depends on the trust.
Would I be comfortable asking the kids/no kids question? Sure, but my friends usually make it quite clear which it is (my in-laws will state if a get togethor is kid-friendly or not). I appreciate the directness. But if it is not clear, I ask, but make sure to ask in a way that shows i am not trying to force my son into the invite, I just want to plan accordingly. |
Anonymous
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Here - NO. WAY. People here are too interested in themselves and their own agendas. Home - Absolutely. That is why home is home and here is here. |