Teen DS on a Spectrum: How to Help Find Friends

[Anonymous]

Smart, funny, curious freshman looking for friends! Almost sounds like a dating profile. He has plenty of people to talk to at school, he is not alone at lunch time. He is active on social media. But not one has invited him to hang out, no one responds to his invitations to do something together. He hides it well and pretends like he doesn't care but I am afraid he is lonely. He is seen as this nice, funny, quirky kid.

How can I help him? My heart breaks for him. He is not into sports, prefers more nerdy activities like D&D. I was hoping he would make friends there but alas, nothing beyond talking online.

[Anonymous]

Back off and let him find his way.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he is miles ahead of my ASD 14 year old who sits alone at lunch and has people making fun of his tics all the time.

[Anonymous]

Is he in a new school?

My son is outgoing, and sporty and he switched schools for 9th grade. It took him a solid year (A YEAR!) to find friends that he actually hangs out with outside of school. Many of his friends were similar.

Boys can take a LONG time to translate in-school chatting into out-of-school hanging out. Just my experience and doesn't make it easier but I would also advise to let him find his way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is he in a new school?

My son is outgoing, and sporty and he switched schools for 9th grade. It took him a solid year (A YEAR!) to find friends that he actually hangs out with outside of school. Many of his friends were similar.

Boys can take a LONG time to translate in-school chatting into out-of-school hanging out. Just my experience and doesn't make it easier but I would also advise to let him find his way.

He is a Freshman, so about a month in? He knows a lot of kids from MS, everyone's nice to him at school, he has a lot of friends on Snapchat from school, but no invitations to join in after school or on weekends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Back off and let him find his way.

He is on the spectrum. It's hard for kids like mine.

[Anonymous]

Why was my post moved to Kids with SN? Whatever happened to inclusivity? #admin

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why was my post moved to Kids with SN? Whatever happened to inclusivity? #admin

Maybe because when it's not in SN you get posts like the one telling you to let him find his way, and then you point out he's on the spectrum?

In any event, is there a D&D club at school? What about a group at a local game store? My kid doesn't play so I don't really know how one gets involved in a "campaign" (I think that's what it's called) but those are suggestions I've seen in other SN groups.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why was my post moved to Kids with SN? Whatever happened to inclusivity? #admin

Maybe because when it's not in SN you get posts like the one telling you to let him find his way, and then you point out he's on the spectrum?

In any event, is there a D&D club at school? What about a group at a local game store? My kid doesn't play so I don't really know how one gets involved in a "campaign" (I think that's what it's called) but those are suggestions I've seen in other SN groups.

Though I'm sure if you made a post and specifically said "wanting ideas from parents of kids without SN" Jeff would probably leave it?

[Anonymous]

How about starting a D&D club at his school?

[Anonymous]

Definitely try joining clubs or get involved in an activity at school.

[Anonymous]

Ask yourself if he does actually want this. Some ND kids need the weekend for social rest and recovery. Are you projecting your needs or hopes into him?

I think 9th grade boys generally have low social skills and it's only been a month. I wouldn't expect much for another month at least.

[Anonymous]

OP - Have you considered a church youth group, which if you are flexible, might be a good reason to look at a few churches.
Also, Young Life is an outside, Christian group organized by college students which meets weekly in homes that might be a friendly option.
If he has an interest in the arts, a sport could you research a possible small community group? Does he have an interest in volunteering with a community program? Would he be open to trying volunteering with a college mentor?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask yourself if he does actually want this. Some ND kids need the weekend for social rest and recovery. Are you projecting your needs or hopes into him?

I think 9th grade boys generally have low social skills and it's only been a month. I wouldn't expect much for another month at least.

This. What you described would be a very full social life for my autistic teen.

[Anonymous]

It sounds as if he's doing great - one month in & plenty of people to talk with, and he's not alone at lunch. Give it time.