Turning down neighborhood babysitting proposal?
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Anonymous
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Since the school year began two weeks ago, I’ve been allowing a neighborhood classmate/friend sort of land at our house about twice a week. It’s sort of complicated, the parents aren’t ready for him to stay home alone (11) but twice a week, neither parent can be home on time to let him in.
The first time it was presented as sort of an emergency, the next time as something they were working to fix, but then this last time, the mom subtly made it clear without actually saying the words that she was hoping this could be a permanent solution. So now I’m expecting the “official” proposal soon. She told me how much her son loves coming over and how helpful this is. The thing is, while I don’t mind helping in a true emergency, this isn’t something I want to do permanently, even if she offers money. It doesn’t really even matter why, but for the sake of this post, here are the reasons: It strangely disrupts our evenings. The boy is here from just before 4 until 6:30-7. I feed him a small snack when he gets here, and have been including him in our dinner, which has always been at 6 and we haven’t altered that because his pickup has been unpredictable. So it’s not exactly an added cost, but it is. Our own younger kid’s after dinner schedule is disrupted because it feels like we can’t properly settle down until the boy inevitably gets picked up, everyone is hyped up, and then we are rushing around to do bedtime routine once he leaves. It also just feels like I also can’t wind down after my day because I have to be “on” while this boy is in my charge. At the same time, I know the family is currently going through some transitions that aren’t ideal, and I would be viewed as a privileged heel who *could* help but chooses not to, like I’m sitting on my butt eating bonbons instead of helping her son. YKWIM? So how would you turn this down when/if she asks without appearing completely inconsiderate? |
Anonymous
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“ I’m happy to help out in an emergency and have an occasional play dates, but it’s not something my family can commit to on a permanent basis.”
I know what you mean, especially about being “on”. |
Anonymous
| The correct answer here is probably just to tell her politely but firmly. But I am pretty conflict avoidant, and what I'd do is come up with some reason that your schedule is going to be different, something that makes it so you're not going to be home for the next few dates when this would typically happen and hope that it breaks the pattern. |
Anonymous
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When you say "some transitions" could you be more specific?
Job change? Still their responsibility to arrange childcare. Parent in the hospital? I might suck it up. |
Anonymous
+1 Nip this in the bud, OP. Are you new to the neighborhood, OP? Seems like those neighbors pounced! |
Anonymous
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You don’t need to explain it, just say “I’m always happy to help in an emergency if I can, but we can’t make this arrangement permanent this year. Thanks for asking.”
I wouldn’t do any excuse making. Some people just see that as hurdles to overcome. A polite no is all you need, repeat as needed. |
Anonymous
Agree with these scenarios. |
Anonymous
| How would you feel about doing it one day a week? Say every Wednesday? |
Anonymous
Geesus. Why does OP have to commit to another family, when Op clearly has her own family to worry about?? |
Anonymous
+2 including that one of these scenarios has a light at the end of the tunnel and the other doesn’t. |
Anonymous
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When I was in high school, I watched a neighborhood boy until his parents got home from work. All I had to do was meet his school bus and hang out with him at his house while he ate a snack and watched tv. Sometimes he’d play with a neighbor boy. It was easy money for me and inexpensive for his parents.
If these parents are willing to pay you, they can pay somebody who wants a job. |
Anonymous
Thanks so far, everyone!
Ugh, no. The two did a one-week sports camp together over the summer and really hit it off. ONE TIME towards the end of summer I sort of put myself out to be very accommodating to a logistics issue, and I think she saw me as someone who might be eager to please? I’m not 100% certain what dad does, but he’s not around often. Mom just switched jobs and works later into the evenings some days, so no proverbial “light at the end of the tunnel”, as far as I know. I think she’s hoping I’m the light! |
Anonymous
+1 They need to find a high schooler to do this work. Because it is work! |
Anonymous
| Establish boundaries. Be assertive. If it’s not something you want to do on a routine basis, say so. |
Anonymous
| An 11 year old is old enough to be left alone for a couple hours a day a couple days a week. |