Moving mom to memory care

[Anonymous]

My heart is broken. She has Alzheimer’s and it has sped up so much recently that my dad (76) can’t care for her any more. The facility is nice and I believe it will be good for her but my dad’s heart is broken- 57 years living together and he feels like he’s failed her.

How do we help ease this transition?

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry Op. I'm not sure, "he feels like he failed her." is anything mindset that helps. I'd focus on being as positive as possible.

[Anonymous]

OP, 13:06 again. Focus on your Dad. What fun things can he still do? Of course, especially initially, he will probably be by her side for long periods of time ... put have your focus be on him, what things he can still do. See friends, hobbies, travel? He was a vibrant person, before he met your Mother. Get to know that person, that person who had interests - premarriage.

[Anonymous]

Oh that’s heartbreaking for your dad. He didn’t fail her, as I am sure you know.

Prepare him for the sad phone calls from your mom. My dad goes to visit my mom for ten hours, then by the time he is in the parking lot Mom is calling him begging him to visit bc she thinks he has never been there. She can’t remember the hours and hours he just gave up to her. It’s just awful.

This might be tough for a male Boomer, but therapy could be really helpful to keep him sane during all this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh that’s heartbreaking for your dad. He didn’t fail her, as I am sure you know.

Prepare him for the sad phone calls from your mom. My dad goes to visit my mom for ten hours, then by the time he is in the parking lot Mom is calling him begging him to visit bc she thinks he has never been there. She can’t remember the hours and hours he just gave up to her. It’s just awful.

This might be tough for a male Boomer, but therapy could be really helpful to keep him sane during all this.

Is there some good reason you decided to use a term that has become an epithet to describe a person? Or that you think the gender differences in how people react to effectively losing a spouse are so different that you had to specify “male?”

[Anonymous]

I’m OP, and I believe they were just saying that men of a certain age were socialized to be “tough” and may not be amenable to therapy. This has been the case for my dad- happy to send mom, help his kids seek it, but doesn’t (yet) feel comfortable having that help for himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m OP, and I believe they were just saying that men of a certain age were socialized to be “tough” and may not be amenable to therapy. This has been the case for my dad- happy to send mom, help his kids seek it, but doesn’t (yet) feel comfortable having that help for himself.

That's what I thought too.
Regardless of any alternative meanings for Boomer, that literally is the name of OP's dad's generation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m OP, and I believe they were just saying that men of a certain age were socialized to be “tough” and may not be amenable to therapy. This has been the case for my dad- happy to send mom, help his kids seek it, but doesn’t (yet) feel comfortable having that help for himself.

That's what I thought too.
Regardless of any alternative meanings for Boomer, that literally is the name of OP's dad's generation.

NP