How would you seek a “gramma” for hire

[Anonymous]

If you wanted a mother-ish person to live with your family?

Think of Aunt Bea, Mrs Garret

A woman who has raised her children and seen them off, maybe lonely, would appreciate the financial arrangement & boarding.

[Anonymous]

Okay.

You cannot circumnavigate the responsibilities of employment by finding someone older or otherwise marginalized. It does not matter if you think it’s a “good deal” “for them.” Also not being lonely is not compensation.

Start here.
https://www.dol.gov/agencies/whd/fact-sheets/79b-flsa-live-in-domestic-workers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay.

You cannot circumnavigate the responsibilities of employment by finding someone older or otherwise marginalized. It does not matter if you think it’s a “good deal” “for them.” Also not being lonely is not compensation.

Start here.
https://www.dol.gov/agencies/whd/fact-sheets/79b-flsa-live-in-domestic-workers

This, also you need to figure out exactly the "jobs" you would be paying them to do. You be hiring a stranger so make sure you have boundaries. The kids considering her like a grandma could evolve overe many years, but should not be encouraged in the beginning. Boundaries are healthy and needed with complete strangers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay.

You cannot circumnavigate the responsibilities of employment by finding someone older or otherwise marginalized. It does not matter if you think it’s a “good deal” “for them.” Also not being lonely is not compensation.

Start here.
https://www.dol.gov/agencies/whd/fact-sheets/79b-flsa-live-in-domestic-workers

OP here. I can see how that came off.

I was envisioning a widow (or heck even an older couple) who are nurturing.
Not so much about tasks as much as supporting single parent (recently widowed) to make house feel less sad, but to help out a bit.

[Anonymous]

Aunt Bea was literally his aunt, and that was television. You cannot hire yourself a family. Sorry. It doesn’t work that way.

Old people aren’t as helpful and tidy in real life as they were in 1950s TV. My mother is 75 and lives with us and drives me INSANE with her mess and clutter and intrusiveness. I would never attempt what you’re proposing! Dear Lord.

Hire an au pair.

[Anonymous]

Maybe consider a live in housekeeper. Someone who will help with the day today and live there. But also, since she is an employee, you’ll have set hours or pay overtime.

[Anonymous]

Hell no

[Anonymous]

I do not think this an impossible thing but you have to really lower your concept of grandmother-age. The actress who played Mrs garrett was 52 Also, the actress who played Alice on the brady bunch was 43. 43!!!

There are plenty of women in their 40s and early 50s who have grandkids and a caretaking background who might be interested.

Anonymous wrote:Aunt Bea was literally his aunt, and that was television. You cannot hire yourself a family. Sorry. It doesn’t work that way.

Old people aren’t as helpful and tidy in real life as they were in 1950s TV. My mother is 75 and lives with us and drives me INSANE with her mess and clutter and intrusiveness. I would never attempt what you’re proposing! Dear Lord.

Hire an au pair.

[Anonymous]

You can have my mom! I love her but she’s a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay.

You cannot circumnavigate the responsibilities of employment by finding someone older or otherwise marginalized. It does not matter if you think it’s a “good deal” “for them.” Also not being lonely is not compensation.

Start here.
https://www.dol.gov/agencies/whd/fact-sheets/79b-flsa-live-in-domestic-workers

OP here. I can see how that came off.

I was envisioning a widow (or heck even an older couple) who are nurturing.
Not so much about tasks as much as supporting single parent (recently widowed) to make house feel less sad, but to help out a bit.

Get a dog and a housecleaner.

[Anonymous]

You have two separate asks here. One is to help you with tasks around the house. The other is to have you/your family's home feel less sad.

Hire someone for tasks. People who work (doing tasks) must be compensated.

Contact local senior support services and see if they have an "Adopt a Grandparent" program. Many do. They may be able to connect you with an elderly person who can become a surrogate grandparent. Be advised that they monitor and screen everyone, so if you get matched with an elder don't think you will be inviting them over and then stick a cleaning cloth in their hand.

[Anonymous]

For sure not trying to rage advantage of anyone.

My heartbreaks for this family.

I feel like if my kids were grown & I was retired, living alone I might appreciate the embrace of a family

I think au pairs too young - besides their kids are on high school

It’s really about enjoying a meal, getting breakfast , and being a buffer as dad is sad & lonely

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have two separate asks here. One is to help you with tasks around the house. The other is to have you/your family's home feel less sad.

Hire someone for tasks. People who work (doing tasks) must be compensated.

Contact local senior support services and see if they have an "Adopt a Grandparent" program. Many do. They may be able to connect you with an elderly person who can become a surrogate grandparent. Be advised that they monitor and screen everyone, so if you get matched with an elder don't think you will be inviting them over and then stick a cleaning cloth in their hand.

This. Problems identified and solved.

Also, older people aren’t just bastions of warmth. They’re complicated and bring their own relative neediness, political opinions, and hosts of -isms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Aunt Bea was literally his aunt, and that was television. You cannot hire yourself a family. Sorry. It doesn’t work that way.

Old people aren’t as helpful and tidy in real life as they were in 1950s TV. My mother is 75 and lives with us and drives me INSANE with her mess and clutter and intrusiveness. I would never attempt what you’re proposing! Dear Lord.

Hire an au pair.

Picturing Wilford Brimley “Our House”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay.

You cannot circumnavigate the responsibilities of employment by finding someone older or otherwise marginalized. It does not matter if you think it’s a “good deal” “for them.” Also not being lonely is not compensation.

Start here.
https://www.dol.gov/agencies/whd/fact-sheets/79b-flsa-live-in-domestic-workers

OP here. I can see how that came off.

I was envisioning a widow (or heck even an older couple) who are nurturing.
Not so much about tasks as much as supporting single parent (recently widowed) to make house feel less sad, but to help out a bit.

You have totally unrealistic expectations here. You need to hire a housekeeper on some sort to help with tasks. You may end being friendly with this person, but they are not your emotional support person.

If you really just need companionship, you get this by broadening your friendships and seeing if you can create standing events to spend time with people. Host Taco Tuesday, invite 25 people and hope 2-5 can show up each week. Have a standing once a month game night on Friday or Saturday. Invite boatloads of people so at least a few show up. Try to have a standing Saturday lunch or coffee with a friend, etc.