Do I “have to” help family member get a job?

[Anonymous]

I may be the A. BIL is unemployed again. Has a substance abuse issue which isn’t helping (likely contributing).

I have a connection hiring for his skill set. I’m debating whether to refer him.

I have a cartoon angel and devil on my shoulders saying “he’s family” and the other says “he will ruin your rep when he shows up to the interview drunk”….

To be nice or not?

[Anonymous]

How close is this connection and does BIL ask you for money? It's a big risk.

[Anonymous]

Nope. You don’t have to help him in that way if you aren’t comfortable.

[Anonymous]

I would look over his resume, do a mock interview with him, and pass him listings. All helpful, but all things that are just between you and him.

I would not tell anyone that he would be a good fit, good for a position, etc. I would not pass along a resume.

[Anonymous]

If you vouch for him, you'd be lying ("I think he'd be a great fit"? no, you don't) so no, you don't have an obligation to lie for family.

[Anonymous]

Is he actively trying to treat the addiction? As a former addict who now has a very successful career, I’d wait to put into a reference until he’s really showing signs of progress. Relapse is always a possibility but you should be able to make the reference in good faith at the time vs out of obligation.

[Anonymous]

You are not the A.
If it's an industry that is prone to partying lifestyle and you can hand off the resume and say "Listen Bob, Steve's a little wild but the clients love him" consider it.
If someone you are friends with or business associates with could get bitten if he flakes do not do this without warning.

[Anonymous]

Nope. Don’t stick your neck out for an addict.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I may be the A. BIL is unemployed again. Has a substance abuse issue which isn’t helping (likely contributing).

I have a connection hiring for his skill set. I’m debating whether to refer him.

I have a cartoon angel and devil on my shoulders saying “he’s family” and the other says “he will ruin your rep when he shows up to the interview drunk”….

To be nice or not?

I would not refer someone who could "show up to the interview drunk." But you are likely exaggerating, because that seems obvious, so I'll add that I would not refer anyone I thought would have issues with performance due to a substance abuse problem.

[Anonymous]

Depends. If they are trying to get clean, then yes.

[Anonymous]

You can help him search and prep. You shouldn't lie to get him a nepo job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would look over his resume, do a mock interview with him, and pass him listings. All helpful, but all things that are just between you and him.

I would not tell anyone that he would be a good fit, good for a position, etc. I would not pass along a resume.

Dont enable him. He needs professional help for his vices and addictions. No way would I be a front man for getting him a job. He keeps getting fired!

[Anonymous]

Plus it’s a time sink.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would look over his resume, do a mock interview with him, and pass him listings. All helpful, but all things that are just between you and him.

I would not tell anyone that he would be a good fit, good for a position, etc. I would not pass along a resume.

Even this is above and beyond! But it is solid advice.

I would be so mad if a friend recommended a family member for a job and that family members wound up ruining something or making things worse. And then when I went back to the friend and said "Larlo was completely unable to to do the job and lost me $5k" and the friend said "well he was family." I would be so pissed off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would look over his resume, do a mock interview with him, and pass him listings. All helpful, but all things that are just between you and him.

I would not tell anyone that he would be a good fit, good for a position, etc. I would not pass along a resume.

I agree.