What Should I Do????

[Anonymous]

After dinner last night my 6yo told me that his teacher called him lazy and pushed him into his seat. My mom thinks I should do nothing and wait and see if DS says she did something again. My husband thinks we should seek advice from a lawyer. I believe my son because he has ADHD and can be a handful at times if you don't have patience. I thinking the teacher got frustrated. Any suggestions?

[Anonymous]

Why not ask the teacher what happened and hear her version?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why not ask the teacher what happened and hear her version?

Yes I plan to do that. Should I address it with only the teacher or have a parent, teacher, principal conference?

[Anonymous]

Agreed.

[Anonymous]

Doing nothing would not be a option for me, but I also think that it is too early to call a lawyer. First, I would talk to the teacher and them to the principal or some other administrative person. Depending on what you learn from those conversations you can then decide whether you need to talk to a lawyer.

Good luck

[Anonymous]

Talk to the teacher first. You need to go up the chain of command. Right now you have nothing to talk to a lawyer about except a 6 year old's story, which is not a credible basis for a lawsuit. I'm not calling your son a liar, but a six year does not does not always report a situation accurately or fully. What if the teacher told your son "Your being very lazy today, Johnny, I'm disappointed because you are usually very energetic" -- and then guided him firmly back to his seat? You need to find out what happened here from someone's point of view other than a six year old.

[Anonymous]

I agree with PP. Talk to the teacher first in a very non-confrontational way. It would be kind to give her a chance to say what happened without threatening her or lining up against her.

[Anonymous]

Just wanted to ditto those PPs that say talk to the teacher. Your son probably has a long future in that school and you want to be as effective as possible in getting him the best education that he can get. That means partnering with the teacher and with future teachers. If you go right over the teacher's head, you may be seen as someone that teachers need to protect themselves from as opposed to someone they want to work with. And, if the teacher confirms the story and says hey, I was wrong. Had a bad day and said the wrong thing. You might want to give the teacher another chance before reporting to the principal. None of us are perfect - even teachers who are usually amazing have off days and regret what they do or say. Your giving the teacher the benefit of the doubt may well go a long way in fostering good relationships with that teacher and with other teachers in the school.

Sorry you are going through this. I also have special needs kids and I know how hard it can be to pull back when you feel like your child was wronged and you want to be a protector.

One other thought. You might have to figure out a way to explain this to your son. I don't know if you can spin it in a way that he would believe she wasn't really saying he was lazy or whether you will have to say that she was having a bad day and responded badly to something that happened. But, you can't leave him with the thought that those who care about him think he is lazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One other thought. You might have to figure out a way to explain this to your son. I don't know if you can spin it in a way that he would believe she wasn't really saying he was lazy or whether you will have to say that she was having a bad day and responded badly to something that happened. But, you can't leave him with the thought that those who care about him think he is lazy.

Absolutely -- and hopefully the teacher herself can be part of that explanation and can acknowledge that an apology may be in order.

[TwinsinAdMorg]

OP - is there a special ed/behavioral specialist at the school? Maybe asking to speak with that person along with the teacher would be helpful for both sides.

We had lots of "he said/teacher said" things with my little brother who is on the extreme end of ADHD spectrum. Brining in the specialist was a real help to our family and his teachers in dealing with unpredictable and disturbing incidents.

My understanding is that if a specialist even suspects there was a teacher problem this time (bad day or not), they are legally required as an advocate of your child to formally report it up the chain of command to the principal. Not sure that's the case around here. Probably worth checking.

Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Thank you everyone for your kind responses. I have tried hard to get my son evaluated, but no luck. I was told I needed an IEP? and I don't know how to get one. The school isn't much help and its probably too late in the school year. My son would do better in my opinion in a small class setting. He is behind on his reading, and other school work. Please don't flame me, although he has ADHD my husband and I choose not to medicate him. Maybe if he was medicated he would do better in school? I don't know. I just want whats best for him but I cant get any help. I don't live in poverty so I don't qualify for any aid, My husband doesn't make enough where we can afford to send him to a special school. I'm sorry to rant but I just want him to do good in school before he keeps getting passed and come high school hes on a 3rd grade level. I will speak with the teacher about the incident. He was upset because when she called him lazy everyone laughed. He already has low self esteem because he has no friends, is a loner and overweight. Sorry for rambling, if you have any other suggestions please keep them coming.

Thank you

[Anonymous]

The school is supposed to help your child with an evaluation and IEP. It's required by law.

[Anonymous]

You need to become an advocate for your own child. This means you need to start doing research to find out what resources are available to you, learn about the medications and talk with your doctor. Get a second opinion. I'm not keen on medications myself, but it could be beneficial to your son.

You should also try and find an activity for your son where he's getting exercise and can feel good about himself. As a family you need to work on his self-esteem. Learn about nutrition. Help him to make good choices about nutrition.

I'm not picking on you, but you sound like you know there's a problem, but don't have a clue where to start and want someone to make the decisions for you.

[Anonymous]

OP - have you been checking the Special Needs Kids forum? Looks like a wealth of information and folks who have really BTDT.

Sorry to hear things are so tough. Good for you for taking a stand on the medication front - especially if your child has not had a clear diagnosis. The wrong meds can do more harm than no meds in young children.

Sorry to hear things are tough. Wish you the best.

[Anonymous]

Start by reading the book Driven to Distraction. I have ADD and only wish that book (and that type of information) was available to my parents when I was a child. In the back of the book I think they have a list of resources (some local.)

Good luck!!!