How to improve extemporaneous speaking?

[Anonymous]

I would like to become more articulate. Not for giving speeches or presentations, just for small talk, meetings, even one on one convos. I want to get better at not saying um, uh, like, and rambling.

I can’t find an active Toastmasters group that fits my schedule. (I emailed several and did not hear back.) What other options are there?

I’m seeing lots of books on “public speaking” but they are geared toward oration and true speeches, not what I want. I also think I need ways to practice, so something like a workbook would be good. Any ideas?

[Anonymous]

My advice: get good at asking questions. People love to share how they’re feeling, what they’re doing at work, their hobbies, etc. Then: listen. Really listen. Don’t listen to respond or to turn the conversation back to you. Affirm and ask another question.

I’ll say: this approach can be lonely because SO MANY people stink at it but, bottom line: people want to be seen and heard. And, hopefully, along the way you’ll meet good people who can give the same back to you.

[Anonymous]

Weird but I think learning a foreign language is good for this? You spend a lot of time memorizing scripts of small talk and engaging in staged small talk with your classmates. I feel like it helps get me over the jump of feeling like small talk is stilted/awkward even outside of the context of class.

Going a totally different direction, performance-based things like community theatre and improv are great for teaching you how to put on your best face when things seem weird or uncomfortable and help you learn to make jokes/be witty/etc which all helps with pretty much any interactions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Weird but I think learning a foreign language is good for this? You spend a lot of time memorizing scripts of small talk and engaging in staged small talk with your classmates. I feel like it helps get me over the jump of feeling like small talk is stilted/awkward even outside of the context of class.

Going a totally different direction, performance-based things like community theatre and improv are great for teaching you how to put on your best face when things seem weird or uncomfortable and help you learn to make jokes/be witty/etc which all helps with pretty much any interactions

What is a good improv training provider in DC?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weird but I think learning a foreign language is good for this? You spend a lot of time memorizing scripts of small talk and engaging in staged small talk with your classmates. I feel like it helps get me over the jump of feeling like small talk is stilted/awkward even outside of the context of class.

Going a totally different direction, performance-based things like community theatre and improv are great for teaching you how to put on your best face when things seem weird or uncomfortable and help you learn to make jokes/be witty/etc which all helps with pretty much any interactions

What is a good improv training provider in DC?

I haven’t done any personally but there seem to be a lot of options:

https://duckduckgo.com/?q=improv+classes+dc&ia=web

I would suggest finding one that works for your location and budget and giving it a try.

[Anonymous]

What about a Public Speaking 101 class at a community college or Adult Ed?

I made great strides after a semester in a 101 class in college over 35 years ago. Learned how to speak without a script, pacing, projecting confidence.

[Anonymous]

Op, that's me too. In high school I specialized in humanities. I have studied 6 languages and take Public Speaking class on two continents in two different languages. Still nothing. I also dislike reading and writing.
When I speak, my mind runs so much faster and I know what I want to say, but the words I use don't exactly convey my thoughts. I simply don't have the fancy words to explain what I want to say. (See how I repeated the same/similar thought twice right now).
When I was a kid, nobody wanted to hear from children. We had to be quiet. All the training did nothing to me. I passed the classes and all the tests but barely.
It's just not my thing. Instead fancy words, I simply rearrange the sentence. But I will put this on the list of thing to improve. I had to look up 'extemporaneous speaking'.
All I can do is slow down when I talk and let the other person talk more. I thing it's ok to have a second or two to gather thoughts and get the next sentence ready.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My advice: get good at asking questions. People love to share how they’re feeling, what they’re doing at work, their hobbies, etc. Then: listen. Really listen. Don’t listen to respond or to turn the conversation back to you. Affirm and ask another question.

I’ll say: this approach can be lonely because SO MANY people stink at it but, bottom line: people want to be seen and heard. And, hopefully, along the way you’ll meet good people who can give the same back to you.

NP here. Not sure about this. Have you seen the crazy posts about people asking questions and others getting so irrationally offended at the most innocuous? It is insane - you never know when you are dealing with a crazy person.

[Anonymous]

I taught my DD to stop saying "like" all the time simply because it was driving me nuts. When she was talking, I repeated "like" every time she said it. She cried and yelled at me begging me to stop, and I said I'd stop when she did. It took two days to train her out of it. Do you want me to come over?

[Anonymous]

Practice filming in front of your camera several times a day and watch it back to track your progress.

Pretend to be on a phone call. Pretend to be telling a friend about a movie or book. Pretend to be giving presentations.

Be intentional when out in public and monitor your errors.

You can do this with practice and intentionality.

Good for you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What about a Public Speaking 101 class at a community college or Adult Ed?

I made great strides after a semester in a 101 class in college over 35 years ago. Learned how to speak without a script, pacing, projecting confidence.

Thank you for this suggestion! University of DC and Arlington didn’t have anything, but Montgomery has an online class. Perhaps that’s not ideal, but it’s a start! Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Practice filming in front of your camera several times a day and watch it back to track your progress.

Pretend to be on a phone call. Pretend to be telling a friend about a movie or book. Pretend to be giving presentations.

Be intentional when out in public and monitor your errors.

You can do this with practice and intentionality.

Good for you!

Thank you for the encouragement!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I taught my DD to stop saying "like" all the time simply because it was driving me nuts. When she was talking, I repeated "like" every time she said it. She cried and yelled at me begging me to stop, and I said I'd stop when she did. It took two days to train her out of it. Do you want me to come over?

OMG it's my high school French prof, Mme Sigmund. Toujours les mêmes trucs, hein? Comment allez-vous?

It worked for the girls who couldn't stop saying 'like' even in my french class, PP, let her come over and train you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I taught my DD to stop saying "like" all the time simply because it was driving me nuts. When she was talking, I repeated "like" every time she said it. She cried and yelled at me begging me to stop, and I said I'd stop when she did. It took two days to train her out of it. Do you want me to come over?

Daaaaaaayum. How are you not being FLAMED for this response? Trauma much? LOL but hey if it works, it works!

[Anonymous]

Find a speech therapist who works with adults and tell them you want to work on pragmatics. Sometimes the ones who specialize in this are called pragmaticians.