How to handle delicate situation

[Anonymous]

I’m in the middle of job interviews (desperate to change jobs).

My former boss (he recently left the org) will be one of my references. We discussed him serving as a reference 2 months ago (it’s been a long slog for me thru a gauntlet of interviews).

I got word this morning that his partner had a heart attack and is hospitalized. I sent him a short note of empathy and offered to help in any way possible.

My question - if I advance in the hiring process and they finally ask for my references - how appropriate is to give his name? I know I’m being selfish - but I’m desperate to get out of my current environment and don’t know if it’s inappropriate and insensitive to let him know a future employer may reach out.


What can I do? I don’t have another direct supervisor who I trust to provide a reference. I worked for him for ) years.

What should I do?

[Anonymous]

I think it’s fine. He’s already agreed to serve as a reference and at this point you’re not at the stage to give his name. It could be another 10 days before you reach that stage.

[Anonymous]

Keep his name on your list but alert the interviewer that you heard about his spouse…so wanted to make them aware (in case they can’t reach him, for example).

[Anonymous]

That's tricky. I'd do it, but if his wife is still in the hospital, text him first so he's not surprised when he gets the call. He agreed two months ago so a reminder is polite anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's tricky. I'd do it, but if his wife is still in the hospital, text him first so he's not surprised when he gets the call. He agreed two months ago so a reminder is polite anyway.

Why "wife"?