Coming to terms that your child can’t handle college?

[Anonymous]

We’ve given our son so many chances. Had we known what we now know, we would have encouraged the military after high school. I think four years of service from age 18 to 22 would have flown by and forced him to mature a bit. Instead, now he’s about 22 with arrested development, three years of random university courses, a low grade point average. Mostly on our dime. We made him take out some student loans this year and it had zero impact on him. The loans might as well have fallen from the sky. He overslept his very first lecture and we can see he was already late completing an early assignment in another course.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’ve given our son so many chances. Had we known what we now know, we would have encouraged the military after high school. I think four years of service from age 18 to 22 would have flown by and forced him to mature a bit. Instead, now he’s about 22 with arrested development, three years of random university courses, a low grade point average. Mostly on our dime. We made him take out some student loans this year and it had zero impact on him. The loans might as well have fallen from the sky. He overslept his very first lecture and we can see he was already late completing an early assignment in another course.

I’m curious. How can you see he is already late on an early assignment?

[Anonymous]

Why not encourage him to join the military now? It's not too late.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he's in a school that's not a good fit. If you think the military is better for him, he can withdraw and finish college when he is mature.

Also, financial aid can only cover so many attempted credits. He may have to eventually pay out of pocket for all classes, keep that in mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’ve given our son so many chances. Had we known what we now know, we would have encouraged the military after high school. I think four years of service from age 18 to 22 would have flown by and forced him to mature a bit. Instead, now he’s about 22 with arrested development, three years of random university courses, a low grade point average. Mostly on our dime. We made him take out some student loans this year and it had zero impact on him. The loans might as well have fallen from the sky. He overslept his very first lecture and we can see he was already late completing an early assignment in another course.

I’m curious. How can you see he is already late on an early assignment?

After years of lies and underachieving we asked for all his university passwords, including email. So he knows we can see this. The first week of classes and he’s already screwing up and emailing excuses. I’m at my wits end.

[Anonymous]

You can’t force a 22 year old to join the military. Again, and I’m really just curious: how do you know he’s late with an assignment? Did he tell you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’ve given our son so many chances. Had we known what we now know, we would have encouraged the military after high school. I think four years of service from age 18 to 22 would have flown by and forced him to mature a bit. Instead, now he’s about 22 with arrested development, three years of random university courses, a low grade point average. Mostly on our dime. We made him take out some student loans this year and it had zero impact on him. The loans might as well have fallen from the sky. He overslept his very first lecture and we can see he was already late completing an early assignment in another course.

I’m curious. How can you see he is already late on an early assignment?

After years of lies and underachieving we asked for all his university passwords, including email. So he knows we can see this. The first week of classes and he’s already screwing up and emailing excuses. I’m at my wits end.

Ok. Ignore my next post then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can’t force a 22 year old to join the military. Again, and I’m really just curious: how do you know he’s late with an assignment? Did he tell you?

She has access to his account

[Anonymous]

Everyone has a different path. Ask if he's interested in the military now. Or trade school.

[Anonymous]

Is he at an expensive school? You sound British?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why not encourage him to join the military now? It's not too late.

Perhaps. But parents don’t have the same influence at age 22 that we did when our child was a high school senior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’ve given our son so many chances. Had we known what we now know, we would have encouraged the military after high school. I think four years of service from age 18 to 22 would have flown by and forced him to mature a bit. Instead, now he’s about 22 with arrested development, three years of random university courses, a low grade point average. Mostly on our dime. We made him take out some student loans this year and it had zero impact on him. The loans might as well have fallen from the sky. He overslept his very first lecture and we can see he was already late completing an early assignment in another course.

I’m curious. How can you see he is already late on an early assignment?

After years of lies and underachieving we asked for all his university passwords, including email. So he knows we can see this. The first week of classes and he’s already screwing up and emailing excuses. I’m at my wits end.

Whoa. You did to disengage from this adult’s life. He hasn’t fully developed because you have not let go. Back way off.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he might be depressed.

[Anonymous]

Maybe college isn’t for him? Why does he keep going back?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he's in a school that's not a good fit. If you think the military is better for him, he can withdraw and finish college when he is mature.

Also, financial aid can only cover so many attempted credits. He may have to eventually pay out of pocket for all classes, keep that in mind.

Fit is a somewhat indulgent excuse. It’s college. You either care, display maturity, ambition, and competitiveness — or you don’t. He doesn’t in any facet. He’s had years to explore a transfer, he hasn’t brought it up once.