How to rediscover romance now that the kids are older
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| Married almost 20 years. Would definitely consider it a happy marriage, not without issues of course. Still have regular sex, lunches out. But I’d love to rekindle some of the romance and intimate connection we had when the kids were younger or not yet born. Is that possible? It’s a lot of co parenting and household managing and working. I’m guessing this is pretty normal. |
Anonymous
|
I think you first have to really decide what “romance” means to you. My husband and I joke around about this a lot. I will specifically ask him to say something romantic to me at times. And if we are watching a movie, I will be like “umm, you should remember what that guy just said so you can say it to me the next time I ask.”
We do a lot of marrriage enrichment stuff through church. So once a year or so, we do love letters, etc. |
Anonymous
| Have you ever taken a dance class with DH? I find they are a very fun way to reconnect with DH. You are touching, moving, working as a team, I find men like that they are formally the “lead.” |
Anonymous
| Keep having the sex. Don't really know what else you mean. |
Anonymous
OP here. I guess I need to decide what I mean too! I’d love to hold hands more or do more playful love taps, etc. Also more comments with innuendo/foreplay (not in anyone’s earshot of course!) I feel like we just got so entrenched in mom/dad roles that I want to get back some of that husband/wife stuff we had before. I find myself bizarrely jealous of people in new relationships because they just seem so “in love.” I do not want a new partner - mine is awesome - but I miss some of the early relationship stuff. I know it’s not realistic to think you can keep that though. |
Anonymous
| I like this topic. I'd love to want my husband in that way again. He's a great partner, but I've really lost all interest in any romantic love from him. I need to reframe my thoughts. |
Anonymous
| You shouldn't have to rediscover romance. It should have been there all along, despite children. |
Anonymous
|
I think you’re in a good place, OP, in that you realize this is important and you want to prioritize connection with your Dh. That’s half the battle, honestly. Keep doing that and ask him to do so too. I agree with an earlier posted: keep having sex. Other ideas:
Carve out time for just the two of you Do stuff you did when you first met Do things you aways wanted to do but haven’t yet (skeet shooting? Ice skating) |
Anonymous
|
Just do it.
You don't have teenage hormones anymore, nor a teenage lover, so it's not as exciting now. |
Anonymous
Lame response… |
Anonymous
Yeah, think back to what you guys did before kids etc…, |
Anonymous
| Sleep naked. We both do, with kids gtown and on their own. Simplt spending time in bed spooning before going to sleep has led to more frequent spontaneous sex and much more time wrapped up together. |
Anonymous
OP here - I like this idea. |
Anonymous
| It sounds like you have a good relationship. From the husband side, I’d say don’t be afraid to turn up the heat a little - like when he’s leaving for work on Friday, whisper in his ear that you can’t wait to be alone with him this weekend when the kids are out of the house and you have some new lingerie. Or whatever is comfortable for you to say, but let him know you want him and can’t wait to have him. It’s flattering to know you’re desired and the anticipation will make things hot |
Anonymous
It sounds like part of the issue may be you have both fallen into a comfortable routine - and that’s very normal! Nothing wrong with that, except: - routines can get boring, especially after 20 years. So, is what you are seeking to maybe “spice things up?” as they say? (And not just in the bedroom sense). |