Am I overthinking this friendship?

[Anonymous]

DD12 has a neighborhood friend. They’ve been walking to/from school together for years. They aren’t super close outside of school, but we’ve had the girl over a few times. They play Roblox together and/or FaceTime very frequently.

On Friday we had school open house and at one point we passed the girl and both DD and the girl completely ignored each other and basically pretended the other didn’t exist. They aren’t in the same in-school friend group; this is what DD explained to me, and they don’t speak in school much.

Today, right now, they are back to chatting it up and hooting and hollering on FaceTime.

Is this typical? It was so bizarre to me, but I know tweens can act weird sometimes.

[Anonymous]

There is probably a power differential at school -- this is the age where the popularity stuff is at it's height and girls especially will exclude each other socially, even people they are friends with outside of school. This reminds me of the nonfiction book Mean Girls, and of the fiction book Prep (which is older kids, but all about a relationship that is secret where the girl and boy in it don't acknowledge each other at school).

[Anonymous]

Omg OP - things are just getting started with girl drama. They are fine. Calm down

[Anonymous]

Totally normal.

Chill out mom.

[Anonymous]

Yup. One of them is way higher in the pecking order at school.

Kind of F-ed up but also normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Totally normal.

Chill out mom.

Wow. Was I overreacting? I just asked a question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yup. One of them is way higher in the pecking order at school.

Kind of F-ed up but also normal.

Thanks! I went to middle and high school at small private schools (class of 50) so I can’t relate to what is “normal”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Totally normal.

Chill out mom.

Wow. Was I overreacting? I just asked a question.

The fact that you’re still ruminating about this two days later tells me that you’re way too invested in this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Totally normal.

Chill out mom.

Wow. Was I overreacting? I just asked a question.

The fact that you’re still ruminating about this two days later tells me that you’re way too invested in this.

I’m not. I hadn’t even thought about it until I heard her in her room laughing up a storm so I thought I’d pose my question.

[Anonymous]

Ignore the trolls who like to throw empty insults a OPs.

"They aren’t super close outside of school, but we’ve had the girl over a few times. They play Roblox together and/or FaceTime very frequently. "

Huh?!

Maybe they are lesbians afraid of being bullied at school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ignore the trolls who like to throw empty insults a OPs.

"They aren’t super close outside of school, but we’ve had the girl over a few times. They play Roblox together and/or FaceTime very frequently. "

Huh?!

Maybe they are lesbians afraid of being bullied at school.

In the 7 years since K we’ve had her over a handful of times. They mainly chat on the phone and walk. By comparison, she sees other friends outside of school almost weekly. Upon reading it again you’re right, it doesn’t make sense.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know if it is the same thing but my ultra social tween son doesn’t say hi or acknowledge people he knows. At open house, there was a boy my son is definitely friends with. They have played on the same soccer team, alwahs invited to parties, etc. I asked why DS didn’t say hi when we walked by at open house and he said he has known and seen this kid for so many years. He doesn’t have to say hi in the hall. It didn’t really make sense to me but shrug.

[Anonymous]

I don't know if you can do anything about it, but it definitely sucks, especially because they're neighborhood friends. That was such a strong part of my childhood, I'd hate for my child to lose it only 12 years old. I'd maybe try to ask her if there is anything wrong. I know you can't really force a friendship, but I feel for your DD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know if it is the same thing but my ultra social tween son doesn’t say hi or acknowledge people he knows. At open house, there was a boy my son is definitely friends with. They have played on the same soccer team, alwahs invited to parties, etc. I asked why DS didn’t say hi when we walked by at open house and he said he has known and seen this kid for so many years. He doesn’t have to say hi in the hall. It didn’t really make sense to me but shrug.

Lol at the bolded. My DD would do stuff like this. She would see me at the pool and walk right past me if she is in the middle of conversation with her friends.

But then, on their own time, they would come find me to say hello. It's like they are too focused on what is going on in the moment that they don't think it's worth breaking that just to say hi.

[Anonymous]

My DD has a friend kind of like this. They were actually close in early elementary but grew apart in 4th grade and literally stopped talking to one another despite there not being a particular incident per se. They are very different and I think they stopped having much in common.

Fast forward to now, they are in 6th grade, and I was going through the texts on DD’s iPad (which she knows I do) and saw that they have a friendly ongoing text chain that is pretty active. I asked DD about it and her response was that they aren’t friends but they still like to text and play Roblox. To me that does imply some level of friendship but whatever. I told DD we could have her over it they could meet up but she said she isn’t interested and reiterated that they aren’t friends.

So all to say, I would just let it go.