Big separation anxiety due to my job

[Anonymous]

Hi everyone, I have an issue with my 2.5yo toddler and work schedule. I’m hoping to hear from parents who also work odd hours/outside of normal preschool hours.

For the past two years, I’ve been on a 1-9 pm schedule with a job I love. Last year, I took a promotion that put me on a Wednesday-Sunday schedule. That used to be fine with my toddler, who goes to preschool 930-530, and then gets picked up by my husband. He also spends Mondays with us as a family, no preschool. (I use my Tuesdays off for chores, and preschool doesn’t let us do a 3-day week anyway.) When he was an infant, he went to daycare around 11. But the preschool doesn’t like it when we drop him off later than 930, since he misses out on activities and isn’t in sync with the other kids.

Lately, though, he’s been having big separation anxiety. He always wants to be with me, including when I’m working (I wfh). Recently, he told me he doesn’t want to eat anymore, since he knows I ‘work to put food on the table.’ He tantrums if I leave the house or go upstairs without him. I calculated that with my schedule, he sees me 23-28 hours less per week than kids with parents on M-F 9-5s do.

Things were a little better recently, since my in-laws are here and we’ve therefore pulled him from preschool for three weeks. I’ve been taking advantage of this time to care for him before I start work. But the anxiety is back today in full force, even after I spent the whole day on PTO with him alone yesterday while the rest of the family was busy.

Luckily, I’m getting a promotion in October that will let me set my own schedule and get out of weekends. But I’m wondering what to do in the meantime. I guess I’m looking for some emotional support, solutions I hadn’t considered, and advice in case the anxiety continues even after my job switch. If you’re a parent with a job that takes you away, what do you do with your toddler to strengthen that bond and make them feel secure?

Fyi, I’m the breadwinner, and my husband was underemployed until recently. So, quitting or going part-time isn’t an option for me.

[Anonymous]

All sounds incredibly normal even if you were home m-f with him all kids get separation anxiety. It spikes higher the older they get. You’re letting your societal guilt overpower a normal development milestone. You work through it like you did before. Routine helps like dropping off at 9:30 every day

[Anonymous]

As a working parent with a kid with separation anxiety, I would choose a childcare option that had the flexibility to allow me to be with my kid every day for some time.

Get a nanny from 1 till you husband is off work or find a program that is flexible on hours.