Should a friend of a friend be off limits?

[Anonymous]

They are 18 and 19 by the way. Girl and boy are friends for a long time, but no romantic feelings for each other. The girl has a friend that the boy falls for and wants to date. Is that something that is off limits?

[Anonymous]

Kid, it's OK to date unless your friend objects.

[Anonymous]

its a little young, but aren't the most successful introductions for relationships friends of friends? why would that ever be off limits?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:its a little young, but aren't the most successful introductions for relationships friends of friends? why would that ever be off limits?

Agreed.

As long as the initial friend thinks they would be a good match, it should be encouraged.

That said, if initial friend is opposed, it makes you wonder if there really isn't ANY interest. I 100% believe that adult men and women can be friends. It's MUCH harder for 18/19 old boys and girls to be friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kid, it's OK to date unless your friend objects.

+1

But if things ever go badly, don’t put the friend in the middle. Any relationship is between the two of you and the individual friendships are separate. Don’t make your friend have to referee or choose between you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kid, it's OK to date unless your friend objects.

I'm actually the mom of the boy that wants to date the friend of his friend. His friend told him she won't be friends with him anymore but can't articulate why.

And to the poster that said it's young...do you mean 18 and 19 are too young to date? I know people that their kids were dating much much earlier. This would be my son's first dating experience, and he is almost 19

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kid, it's OK to date unless your friend objects.

I'm actually the mom of the boy that wants to date the friend of his friend. His friend told him she won't be friends with him anymore but can't articulate why.

And to the poster that said it's young...do you mean 18 and 19 are too young to date? I know people that their kids were dating much much earlier. This would be my son's first dating experience, and he is almost 19

I just posted above that if friend is opposed, there's probably more to this story.

If your son values the friendship, he should probably just be patient and respect the friend's wishes. But at the same time, he should be cautious. It's very likely his platonic friend that just happens to be a girl wants to be more than just that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kid, it's OK to date unless your friend objects.

I'm actually the mom of the boy that wants to date the friend of his friend. His friend told him she won't be friends with him anymore but can't articulate why.

And to the poster that said it's young...do you mean 18 and 19 are too young to date? I know people that their kids were dating much much earlier. This would be my son's first dating experience, and he is almost 19

They’re kids, they have messy feelings. Is he in college or still in high school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:its a little young, but aren't the most successful introductions for relationships friends of friends? why would that ever be off limits?

Agreed.

As long as the initial friend thinks they would be a good match, it should be encouraged.

That said, if initial friend is opposed, it makes you wonder if there really isn't ANY interest. I 100% believe that adult men and women can be friends. It's MUCH harder for 18/19 old boys and girls to be friends

OP here. I agree, and although I know that my son has no interest in this girl that he basically grew up with (they've known each other 11 year and were pretty much like brother and sister), I really am wondering if her anger is really jealousy and that she likes my son but won't tell him.

It's a difficult situation because she won't really give a reason why and my son is not flighty with girls, and has a sincere interest in this other girl but is stuck in the middle and doesn't feel like he should have to choose.

Kind of a side note, but my son and this original friend were VERY close friends, told each other everything, and even made a pact when younger that they would always be best friends and wouldn't allow their future partners to disturb that friendship. Of course, they were young and naive at the time and didn't know how difficult and complicated life could get.

[Anonymous]

Is the other girl a close friend of your son's friend or someone she knows more casually? Could be she thinks the other girl is not dating material or could be she likes your son more than a friend.

[Anonymous]

saw your update. yeah no. this is an unhealthy dynamic. she sounds controlling, manipulative, and into him. he should date whoever he wants. including this friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:its a little young, but aren't the most successful introductions for relationships friends of friends? why would that ever be off limits?

Agreed.

As long as the initial friend thinks they would be a good match, it should be encouraged.

That said, if initial friend is opposed, it makes you wonder if there really isn't ANY interest. I 100% believe that adult men and women can be friends. It's MUCH harder for 18/19 old boys and girls to be friends

OP here. I agree, and although I know that my son has no interest in this girl that he basically grew up with (they've known each other 11 year and were pretty much like brother and sister), I really am wondering if her anger is really jealousy and that she likes my son but won't tell him.

It's a difficult situation because she won't really give a reason why and my son is not flighty with girls, and has a sincere interest in this other girl but is stuck in the middle and doesn't feel like he should have to choose.

Kind of a side note, but my son and this original friend were VERY close friends, told each other everything, and even made a pact when younger that they would always be best friends and wouldn't allow their future partners to disturb that friendship. Of course, they were young and naive at the time and didn't know how difficult and complicated life could get.

Yeah, this could get dicey/messy

She definitely has feelings for your son. And its going to be difficult to navigate that without hurting her feelings. I would advise your son to NOT date this other friend, but to feel comfortable going on dates with other girls. The friend will be jealous and maybe even a little upset, but it will spare her from having those feelings towards a friend

[Anonymous]

saw your update. yeah no. this is an unhealthy dynamic. she sounds controlling, manipulative, and into him. he should date whoever he wants. including this friend.

[Anonymous]

A real friend does not get to give ultimatums or dictate your dating life. He needs to start cooling this friendship. I don't think he should date the other girl now, too much drama.

[Anonymous]

I get the people saying he needs to be establish a healthy boundary and he can date who he wants.

And that's true. But he can do that by at least trying to be sympathetic to her feelings. The friend is probably suffering from unrequited romantic feelings, and may have felt this way for a long time.

He should absolutely date girls and should not feel any obligation to date his best friend of years. But he can also take a step backwards and see how painful it might be to her if he starts dating one of her friends and she has to see them happy together.

I think he should stay away from the other friend