Husband won't talk about death

[Anonymous]

My DH is very uncomfortable talking about death. We have a toddler and we still don't have a will or any life insurance beyond what we get through work. Every time I approach him about these topics, he tells me that I am being morbid, we aren't going to die, and it isn't a good time to have a conversation. We have good communication about everything else, so I think he is just weird about talking about death for some reason. I've found the attorney, I've researched the life insurance options. I just need him to sit down with me and make the decisions. He always finds some excuse about why it isn't a good time. I am terrified about what will happen to our kid if god forbid something happened to both of us. I've gently suggested talking to our pastor or a counselor, but he changes the conversation. Any mention of mortality seems to flip some switch inside his head that makes him shut down completely. Any suggestions?

[Anonymous]

I think you need to just make the decisions yourself and present them to him as a done deal. "I've decided that we should get this life insurance policy, sign here." "We have an appt. on Wed. with the lawyer."

The fact that he believes that you aren't going to die just shows he is being weird and ridiculous and is pretty much forfeiting his right to have input.

[Anonymous]

I've had similar issues with my husband. I've come to the conclusion that the thought of any one of us dying is painfully paralyzing for him. It is difficult for him to plan because of this.

I break everything down into tiny parts and make things into chores. "Today we are stopping by Costco, and on the way home we swing by Rafael's so he can witness us signing those papers." I made the major decisions in our will. I had to accept that he could not make decisions like who our child would go to in the event of our death.

OP, since you've found the attorney and done all the research, just go ahead and make the decisions. Otherwise, it's not going to get done.

[Anonymous]

i've had the same experience with my DH. I thought it was just him because his mother died when he was young.

[Anonymous]

Estate planning attorney here. People just don't want to talk about death. It scares them. It seems obvious that making a will doesn't mean you'll then die, any more than carrying an umbrella on a cloudless day means you'll be struck with a downpour - yet people seem to think talking about death = inviting it. The issue that puts the brakes on for so many people is thinking about who will take their kids - they can't decide, they can't agree, so they do nothing. Doing nothing just means you're leaving it up to the court to decide - not the best plan.

[Anonymous]

Get your will's done ASAP and the right amount of life insurance you need too. You never know when something bad could happen - a car accident, etc. It's not fun to think about that kind of horrible thing happening, but piece of mind will come when each have your will's done (make sure you have someone named as guardian for your kids) and life insurance to know that your guardian(s) can give your kids what you would have wanted them to have. My husband is a cop and my dad was military so we thought hard and fast about these things. You just never know what life brings.