Elderly Parent With Credit Card Debt

[Anonymous]

My 83 yr old mother (widow for 30+ yrs) recently asked for help with her finances. She was struggling to make the minimum payments on her credit card debt, which had ballooned to $70K. She lives in a small house nearby that my wife and I purchased for her. She does contribute toward the mortgage payment. She's still independent - drives and shops for herself, despite having some mobility issues. She receives social security and a modest pension from teaching, which essentially covers her medical insurance. No other noteworthy assets. She did have $25K in an IRA, but I withdrew 1/3 of that to pay off one of her credit cards to provide some financial relief. I also loaned her $10K to pay off another card (thanks, QVC for your enticing products and 31% interest!). Almost every day another package shows up on her porch. Some contain essentials that were bought on-line for convenience, but others are very discretionary purchases such as collectables from Ebay. I suggested looking into Shopaholic support threads, but she got defensive. I also suggested she maintain a "purchase journal" to hold herself accountable for what she's buying, or implementing a 24 hour "cool down" period before any card purchases. She admits she had no intention of paying off her debt - she just didn't think she'd live long enough to face her bad decisions. My wife and I are financially comfortable, but I'm reluctant to get our money entangled with hers, because it feels like we'd be enabling her behavior. Frankly, it's awkward calling her out on her buying habits. She's mentioned declaring bankruptcy or a using a debt relief service. I've reviewed all recurring expenses with her, cancelled unnecessary subcriptions, and reduced internet/cable service levels. Any recommendations or advice would be appreciated!

[Anonymous]

Don't pay it off as no one is going to go after her or do anything about it.

[Anonymous]

Let her declare bankrupcy if ahe qualifies.

[Anonymous]

She's right, you're wrong. Do NOT pay off any debt.

[Anonymous]

Is the house in your name or hers?

[Anonymous]

OP here...Thanks for the responses. The house she lives in is in my name, not hers.

[Anonymous]

And when someone passes, no one else, legally, has to pay the debt of the deceased. Sometimes, the person's estate does though.

[Anonymous]

Definitely stop loaning her money, like for ANYTHING.

Can you change her cable subscription to block that channel? Cut up her cards? Have all of her accounts require your permission before charges go through?
Honestly she sounds really irresponsible and reckless with money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP here...Thanks for the responses. The house she lives in is in my name, not hers.

Then let her declare bankruptcy. But she could have another decade+ of overspending to go. If you can, cancel her credit cards and make sure she only has a debit card for purchases.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And when someone passes, no one else, legally, has to pay the debt of the deceased. Sometimes, the person's estate does though.

OP made it clear she'll have no estate, as sad as that is. My MIL was the same. A lovely human being, but addicted to spending. What we did with her in almostly exactly the same situation was set up auto payments for minimum payments from her checking account. At some point, she maxed out her cards and that was that as far as overspending. Turns out she was able to live within her means once forced to, and was okay with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP here...Thanks for the responses. The house she lives in is in my name, not hers.

Then let her declare bankruptcy. But she could have another decade+ of overspending to go. If you can, cancel her credit cards and make sure she only has a debit card for purchases.

There is no need. The debt will get sold to a creditor who will call a few times, say there is no money and then leave you alone. Been there, done that.

[Anonymous]

I'm confused about something you said. Her modest pension from teaching just covers her medical insurance? I have a pension after working only 15 years as support staff, so I had a significantly lower salary than a teacher who has worked long enough to get a pension. My pension is around $1200 mo and my Medicare plus secondary insurance plus Part D is around $300 mo and I literally never have to pay anything more for doctor visits, surgery, lab tests, urgent care, minor procedures, prescriptions, anything. I would think a teacher pension is quite a bit more than I'm getting possibly double or triple depending on how long she worked. What's up with that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused about something you said. Her modest pension from teaching just covers her medical insurance? I have a pension after working only 15 years as support staff, so I had a significantly lower salary than a teacher who has worked long enough to get a pension. My pension is around $1200 mo and my Medicare plus secondary insurance plus Part D is around $300 mo and I literally never have to pay anything more for doctor visits, surgery, lab tests, urgent care, minor procedures, prescriptions, anything. I would think a teacher pension is quite a bit more than I'm getting possibly double or triple depending on how long she worked. What's up with that?

yeah, i am thinking same and wondering if mom is scamming her DS.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely do not pay it off for her!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused about something you said. Her modest pension from teaching just covers her medical insurance? I have a pension after working only 15 years as support staff, so I had a significantly lower salary than a teacher who has worked long enough to get a pension. My pension is around $1200 mo and my Medicare plus secondary insurance plus Part D is around $300 mo and I literally never have to pay anything more for doctor visits, surgery, lab tests, urgent care, minor procedures, prescriptions, anything. I would think a teacher pension is quite a bit more than I'm getting possibly double or triple depending on how long she worked. What's up with that?

yeah, i am thinking same and wondering if mom is scamming her DS.

OP here...Mom was a part-time teacher for only a few years. I do her taxes and see all of the statements. She gets about $575/month for her pension, from which $480 or so is deducted for her secondary insurance (including vision/dental plans).

Right or wrong, the loan I provided was a 4 yr loan at 4% interest. I only provided enough to pay off her QVC credit card with the understanding that the card gets cut and she never buys from there again. When we cut her cable cord and moved to a more modestly-priced streaming service, I was happy to see that QVC was not one of the available channels.

Thanks again for all of your inputs and advice.