Still Reeling - feeling up and down after almost 5 months of separation -- is this normal?

[Anonymous]

I feel like I am finally settling down, and possibly coming out of denial and well, feeling all kinds of emotions that i've locked away. I kicked my ex out of the house after he was leeching off me on and off for a decade -- while racking up debt, not working and not doing too much around the house. I also felt from year two that he wasn't right for me -- that I felt he was limited, was holding me back from being my best while draining my energy by saddling me with all the responsibilities of an adult life while he floated from job to job or most of the time not worked at all. I stayed for the last six years b/c we have a child together. The final break was when he was unemployed again for the last two years -- and I got the feeling of - here we go again (he was unemployed for three years before our child was born) and has been fired from every job (5 in four years). Anyway, I've been shut down all these years to function - to work and take care of our child while dealing with the up/down drama of a constantly unhappy, depressed, insecure, defensive, passive-aggressive and non-functioning ex. for the first few months, I was constantly in motion to take care of our child, house and my job but now that we're settling into our life, my emotions have been reeling even more -- up some days feeling free and ecstatic and others, feeling scared, lonely, lost, rethinking my decision of separating -- not b/c I miss the ex but the life of a couplehood (not that I really had a happy couplehood anytime in the past.). Is this normal? would love some advice and support -- I know I need to chart a new life course but feel lost.

[Anonymous]

I read your post and thought, "Wow, I'm not alone." The situation you described was almost exactly like my own. It's been two years since I kicked the bum out and I still have my ups and downs. However, within the last several months I have been more up than down. All I can say is that it takes time. I also find myself recently really feeling the ache of not having a partner. I can't really say it is a loss since I never really had a "partner" in my marriage.

Although it is very hard, I make myself feel better by remembering the living hell I was in while still with my husband. He continues to be miserable and if I had stayed with him, I would have been dragged down too. Instead, I chose to get out and make a better life for me and my children. It sounds like you made the brave choice to do this as well. It will get better.

[Anonymous]

OP,
This is normal. You exchanged one set of problems for another. I think people forget that. Life as a single parent is complicated. Hang in there. It flies by, childhood, so enjoy every moment of it.