Tell how trip is funded or fib?

[Anonymous]

My best friend and I grew up together, often in the same household. She’s technically my friend, but we have a very familial relationship and she knows everything about my life. I say this context for my question. We are not technically related, but our lives are deeply are twined as a sibling would be.

I have grown up to end up making a bunch of money recently. I am going to clear $1million this year. I have never told her this, although I’m sure she’s aware that I have some money as I’ve been doing things like international travel and renovating my house. She might think it’s my husband’s money though. I don’t know. She is a nurse. They are not struggling by any means, but her husband is a stay at home dad and they live in a low cost of living area.

Our 40th birthdays are next year and I’m going to treat her to a trip to a high-end resort for four days. We’ve talked about this, but she’s not totally aware that I plan on picking up the cost. I was going to casually approach her and let her know that I have tons of hotel points so it’ll be fun to do this on points but that would be a lie. I’m just going to book us in an expensive all inclusive resort and have her show up and have an amazing four days.

Should I tell her the truth that I just want to do this for us? Or should I continue my small fib that we get to do this because of my work travel and related points?

It’s also strange to me that my life has changed so much in this manner and I haven’t told her or anyone. I know you should keep the stuff to yourself, but I generally feel like I’m lying through omission a lot with her about my financial situation, and this would be another lie through omission.

[Anonymous]

I would fib. It will change the dynamic in a way that you might not like if she knows you’re paying for the whole thing.

[Anonymous]

I think telling her it's on point is a good idea as it will help to resolve her of any guilt she might feel about not contributing. I don't think it's necessary to tell her the truth and I don't think you need to drive home for her how different your financial circumstances are. She is, I'm sure, generally aware of the differences, but it's probably best for your friendship not to dwell on it too much. Especially since you don't live near each other -- it should be relatively easy to avoid the issue.

Money can make friendships really tricky. The more you can make it a non-issue, the better. This is a good example of a useful white lie.

[Anonymous]

You’re a good friend.

[Anonymous]

Maybe the fib would be a good idea. Then again, my husband has a mega wealthy friend who gets them private jets, suites, etc. for guys weekends and always picks up the tab (a group of guys that have been friends for 30+ years). BUT, they all know how wealthy he is and he loves doing it.

[Anonymous]

Hotel points, less drama, more fun

[Anonymous]

I did something similar for a friend & her husband and suggest also adding that you feel so grateful to HER for agreeing to go on the trip with you as its such a gift to you to enjoy the place with her. I think on some level it deflected some of the focus that it was all one sided and - for me - was an honest statement too.

[Anonymous]

This is such an odd post. I can’t believe that with $1m in the bank, that THIS is what you wake up thinking about on a Sunday morning.

Sad!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is such an odd post. I can’t believe that with $1m in the bank, that THIS is what you wake up thinking about on a Sunday morning.

Sad!

Sunday mornings you don’t mull you best friend and vacations?

Sad!

[Anonymous]

points, all the way. Avoid the discomfort on both your ends.

[Anonymous]

I'd be vague, but I wouldn't outright lie. I'd just say something like DH suggested you do exactly what you want for your birthday, and what you wanted to do was celebrate with her, so her presence is part of your own gift. Maybe mention that you have points from travel.

I wouldn't tell an outright lie that can be discovered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be vague, but I wouldn't outright lie. I'd just say something like DH suggested you do exactly what you want for your birthday, and what you wanted to do was celebrate with her, so her presence is part of your own gift. Maybe mention that you have points from travel.

I wouldn't tell an outright lie that can be discovered.

I think this is a good point. What if she sees the bill?

[Anonymous]

I would just say I got a really huge bonus last year and wanted to treat yourself and her to a trip. Let her buy a dinner or something.

[Anonymous]

Fib. Let her buy some stuff on the trip. Drinks, a dinner. Massages. Anything.

[Anonymous]

Definitely fib