What is this behavior indicative of?

[Anonymous]

I'm trying to figure this out. My husband is just hyper-focused on weird things, and I feel like I'd be better able to recognize it for what it is if I knew what it is!

Ex: Sunday morning, he's already laid out his work clothes for Monday morning. If he makes golf plans for Saturday morning, those clothes are laid out when he knows he's golfing.
Same with the cereal bowl being left out, ready for him to eat from, on Sunday morning. Just sitting on the counter all day.
Today, he offered to cook dinner. By 10:30 am, he had laid out the ingredients (other than what needs to stay in the fridge) out on the kitchen counter.
There's more, but the dinner stuff all over the counter reminded me of the other stuff, too.

You might think he's just really detailed-oriented, but he's not. He'll also leave chore-type stuff done 80% of the way there. He'll clean the pot, but not the lid, he'll fix something but leave all the tools out, take the garbage out but not replace the liner, that kind of thing.

But I find the other stuff weird. I get planning, but early Sunday morning you're thinking of what you're going to wear to work the next day? Or to golf? and you need to take a bowl out of the cupboard? To sit out all day Sunday? It does have some effect on me, as he lays his clothes out in our shared bathroom, the stuff is all over the kitchen right now, I always think the bowl is dirty and I go to put it in the dishwasher and he acts like I just killed his cat. Like really over the top reaction.

Is this like an ADHD thing? What could this be indicative of? I think I'm looking for a way to say to myself "ah, that's just his XYZ" instead of the internal talk of "what the @#$%?"

[Anonymous]

I'm like this. Dislike last minute scrambling. Want to wake up and have everything ready for work, no "where are my keys stuff". Do not think there is a massive psychological reason.

[Anonymous]

I lay out my clothes the night before. And when we clean up from dinner we sometimes put out the pans and bowls we'll need to cook breakfast the next morning. I pack my work bag the night before going into the office. Just makes my life more streamlined.

[Anonymous]

Coming from the perspective of someone who has ADD tendencies and growing up with my dad, who was definitely ADD (but undiagnosed) this seems like a way to frontload against distractions or things that will make you late.

I don't do this, but I get it. Anything important that I need to plan for I run the clock back in my mind so that I will be there or be ready 5 minutes early. And because I know that I am prone to rushing and being late because I somehow "lose" minutes, I will do things ahead of time right when I think of them - like pack my lunch or whatever.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I get it. I pack a lunch too, and plan for my day. Don't get me wrong, I'm not faulting him for planning ahead. That's not what this is, though, and I don't think I'm describing it correctly.

[Anonymous]

I don't think that is weird at all, I think it is great. I wish I could do that.

[Anonymous]

It's indicative of you looking for things to be mad about for no apparent reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's indicative of you looking for things to be mad about for no apparent reason.

Not mad at all. Just curious is all. Wanting to name something isn't being mad.

[Anonymous]

DP here but I think the issue isn't planning for the next day. It's planning SO FAR in advance.

OP can correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm guessing that leaving stuff out for more than - or around - 24 hours in advance is the issue.

OP I think it's a combination of ADD and OCD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DP here but I think the issue isn't planning for the next day. It's planning SO FAR in advance.

OP can correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm guessing that leaving stuff out for more than - or around - 24 hours in advance is the issue.

OP I think it's a combination of ADD and OCD.

OP here, and yes, this is it. It's not planning. We all do that. To me at least, and this may be my issue, I'm not thinking of what I'm eating for breakfast on Monday morning as early as Sunday morning and then actually acting on it by leaving a bowl to sit out all day. Does that really help Monday's morning so much? That the bowl is already out? That takes what, three seconds? And leaving clothes out sometimes for two full days (golf)? It's just odd is all. He's a great guy, no anger here.

[Anonymous]

I do some stuff like this because I’m an extreme early bird and I “mind” doing stuff much much less early in the morning than late in the day-could that be it (not bring an early bird necessarily but just having a consistently more energetic time of day)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DP here but I think the issue isn't planning for the next day. It's planning SO FAR in advance.

OP can correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm guessing that leaving stuff out for more than - or around - 24 hours in advance is the issue.

OP I think it's a combination of ADD and OCD.

OP here, and yes, this is it. It's not planning. We all do that. To me at least, and this may be my issue, I'm not thinking of what I'm eating for breakfast on Monday morning as early as Sunday morning and then actually acting on it by leaving a bowl to sit out all day. Does that really help Monday's morning so much? That the bowl is already out? That takes what, three seconds? And leaving clothes out sometimes for two full days (golf)? It's just odd is all. He's a great guy, no anger here.

I write out my meals for tomorrow in the Notes section of my phone, today. It helps me to eat healthier and avoid snacking. I used to do terrible things like eat chips while waiting for a bagel to toast, which I'd eat while waiting for water to boil for ravioli. Now I just type "Lunch: Ravioli, carrots, blueberries" and I eat carrots while the ravioli is cooking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DP here but I think the issue isn't planning for the next day. It's planning SO FAR in advance.

OP can correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm guessing that leaving stuff out for more than - or around - 24 hours in advance is the issue.

OP I think it's a combination of ADD and OCD.

OP here, and yes, this is it. It's not planning. We all do that. To me at least, and this may be my issue, I'm not thinking of what I'm eating for breakfast on Monday morning as early as Sunday morning and then actually acting on it by leaving a bowl to sit out all day. Does that really help Monday's morning so much? That the bowl is already out? That takes what, three seconds? And leaving clothes out sometimes for two full days (golf)? It's just odd is all. He's a great guy, no anger here.

Isn't he just putting out items when he thinks of them/thinks of the upcoming work day/breakfast/golf outing? He's in that moment and does the prep then and there, rather than waiting. As others have noted, it's not that big a thing.

But OP, I think the question really to consider is: Why does it bother you, to the point that you wanted to find out if it's "indicative of" something bigger? The behavior doesn't harm you or him. In fact it might make him feel more secure, in control and confident!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DP here but I think the issue isn't planning for the next day. It's planning SO FAR in advance.

OP can correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm guessing that leaving stuff out for more than - or around - 24 hours in advance is the issue.

OP I think it's a combination of ADD and OCD.

OP here, and yes, this is it. It's not planning. We all do that. To me at least, and this may be my issue, I'm not thinking of what I'm eating for breakfast on Monday morning as early as Sunday morning and then actually acting on it by leaving a bowl to sit out all day. Does that really help Monday's morning so much? That the bowl is already out? That takes what, three seconds? And leaving clothes out sometimes for two full days (golf)? It's just odd is all. He's a great guy, no anger here.

Isn't he just putting out items when he thinks of them/thinks of the upcoming work day/breakfast/golf outing? He's in that moment and does the prep then and there, rather than waiting. As others have noted, it's not that big a thing.

But OP, I think the question really to consider is: Why does it bother you, to the point that you wanted to find out if it's "indicative of" something bigger? The behavior doesn't harm you or him. In fact it might make him feel more secure, in control and confident!

I think it's more of a "WTH?" than bothering me. But sometimes it actually is annoying when he leaves his bowl for tomorrow morning in front of the appliance I need for dinner now; or when he leaves his clothes for tomorrow morning in the bathroom where I'm needing the tub today, and his clothes are draped over it, and then gets put off when I try to move them. But that's really it. I was just wondering, honestly. I'm not nitpicking him and I have never said anything to him about it. It just seems obsessive, but all the replies seem on point. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

My husband has ADHD and part of how he deals with things is early and when he thinks of them. So, let’s say we have tickets to a show on Saturday. The moment the tickets are in his hand he might say “which car will we drive in three days, so I can put them I. That car right now.”

Honestly, my husband has figured out a ton of coping mechanisms that work for him. And I really respect that. While I have some complaints that are ADHD related, the reality is that he is a fully engaged parent and partner. I really try not to interfere with his own regulation of stuff that keeps him on track.