Does your family think/do this?
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Anonymous
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If parts of your family are retired, do they automatically assume that you too are retired, and have nothing to do (like them)?
Asking because we still have kids at home, and it seems they conveniently "forget" that we are a family still spending time together, and that we are still raising kids, and busy with our family (transporting them, meals, family stuff, etc.)? We have to devote time to our family, and our family's commitments and schedules. Why would I need to explain this? Do people forget this when they are retired or when their kids are no longer at home? Do they assume that others are in their situation, instead of reality? It is especially odd because they helped each other out so much while their kids were little, and now "poof!" it seems they conveniently forget, and expect us to be there for them, at their convenience, while we still have our own obligations. TLDR: First sentence of second line is sufficient, do not want to get sidetracked on the details. Thanks for listening. |
Anonymous
| I think it’s a bit of lost/loneliness. At least that’s how I felt when MIL retired. She no longer had a ‘purpose’ and got a little extra needy for a while until she settled in. |
Anonymous
| All you have to do is explain this to them in a nice way. Lots of people only think about themselves and their needs all day everyday. If you want to help them, then you can, together with them, brainstorm things you can do to help that will fit into your schedule. If you don’t want to help, just make that clear in a nice way. |
Anonymous
| No, but I suppose your folks are older, lonely and forgetful about the very busy parenting moment you’re in. |
Anonymous
Siblings, too! |
Anonymous
I mean you can explain it, but you can't make them believe it. As people age they get more and more salvation self-centered, until they have the personality of toddlers. |
Anonymous
| Above should say selfish and self-centered |
Anonymous
| No, but my DH has friends who have retired over the past 5 years or so and they are driving him nuts wanting to do stuff. |
Anonymous
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Yes. My family and my sister’s family each drove 10-12 hours for a multi-day visit, each with kids. When I said something about packing my mom was like, oh what’s the big deal, just a bathing suit and one set of clothes is all you need.
Never mind that their lake house has no washer or dryer, and the nearest Walmart is 45 minutes away. |
Anonymous
| What exactly are they asking you to do? Is this your retired parents inviting you to dinner or Friday? |
Anonymous
| Yes. Both MIL and FIL (who are divorced) frequently ask to get together in the middle of the work day. It's odd. |
Anonymous
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Yup. My ILs: "We're going to come down and go to dinner with you all this Saturday."
They live 90 minutes away Us: "We are heading out of town for a soccer tournament" My mom at 1pm on a weekday: "What are you doing?" Me: Heading into a meeting/call. My folks are local |
Anonymous
| OP, your post is pretty vague. What exactly is the problem? If they are inviting you to things that don’t work for you, then you just decline. |
Anonymous
It could be the annual vacation, it could be rides, plans, whatever. |
Anonymous
Why is it still ok to be cruel to elderly? God forbid YOU get old. I hope what goes around comes around for you. Who’s being self centered here? You! |