Questions I Need to Ask Estate Lawyer

[Anonymous]

My elderly cousin died after a “brief illness” — cancer returned, bad reaction to cancer meds this go around, hospitalized and got sepsis. Less than months prior she had been relatively “fine” but her husband was declining rapidly physically. They contacted me at the beginning of those three months asking for some assistance and we were starting to figure out what I could do from out of state (eg, helping find resources to take care of trash, do light housework, possibly help with personal care, etc.) . They have no children. Though we’re cousin’s, she’s from my parent’s generation (first cousin once removed).

They named me as the executor of their estate about 20 years ago. They’ve handled estates of older relatives, so they seemed knowledgeable in what papers would need to be put in place. Due to my cousin’s recent passing and her husband’s declining physical health, he had me look over the paperwork. And I now have a huge concern.

They had been each others’ general power attorney which made sense while my cousin was living. I am the named successor of the trust, so this I think means I’ll have the ability to pay bills once he passes BUT what happens if he becomes incapacitated?? I had the medical power of attorney but since I’m out of state, I told them to change the designee for logistical reasons (my younger sibling and an older close friend of my cousin are now have medial POA). I didn’t know they didn’t have a back up financial/ general POA until this weekend. His neighbors are very concerned and all seem to think I can take over everything for him. He is cognitively fine and is not ready to relinquish any control. I’m OK with that. (I have a child with some medical issues that required me to get back home after a brief visit with my cousin’s husband to assess the situation there and take care of some of his immediate needs around the house moving furniture, trying to remove trip hazzards, etc.)

We’re working out how much he can afford for assisted living and interim help. (I tried multiple times in the past to get them to get this done but noooo. Now we’re working on semi-crisis mode.)

What, if any questions, should my cousin-in-law or I should be asking his attorney besides does my cousin-in-law need a POA? I’m juggling too many balls in the air right now to think straight.

TIA

[Anonymous]

Don't have legal advice... but I've been through something like this with my dad recently. Here's what I recommend:

Interview him and find out:

- What each monthly bill is
- Where the income comes from and where it's deposited
- Bank accounts
- Insurance policies
- His health history and doctors
- Get him to work with lawyer to update wills, POAs, etc. (sounds like you are already doing this)

Then, help him automate all the bills, if possible. Maybe this stuff is obvious, but once I had a handle of it, I could help my dad make good decisions and know that if he died suddenly, I would be able to handle his affairs.

Also, a short terms solution to care is to hire an unskilled nurse assistant for a four hour shift a few times a week. (there are agencies - try and get a referral from someone local.) It runs about $30 and hour and you can start and stop it easily. Buys you time to figure all this out. Good to get someone's eyes on him.

[Anonymous]

I'm confused. Your cousin has done this before for relatives and he is cognitively fine so he should be able to tell you if the paperwork gives you POA should he be incapacitated. Usually it does.

Also, this is a good lesson for so many people. Your family you created comes first. If you have a child or spouse with medical issues/special needs and you agreed to this sort of thing when life was easier, make sure you communicate with the elders your life circumstances have changed and what your boundaries are. If they had no relatives to do this they could have hired a lawyer or accountant to be financial POA and a medical professional to be health POA. The medical professional keeps records of all medical issues and can easily advocate for your exact wishes.

I would remind him of your other obligations like your child with medical issues and make it clear this needs to be a streamlined as possible. Get the bills on autopay. He needs to do this himself while still cognitively fine. Meet with a lawyer and see if there is anything else he needs to do. Anytime he gets stubborn remind him of your other obligations and that you cannot devote endless time to this. Since he is cognitively fine, if he doesn't like your timeline and requirements, he can find someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't have legal advice... but I've been through something like this with my dad recently. Here's what I recommend:

Interview him and find out:

- What each monthly bill is
- Where the income comes from and where it's deposited
- Bank accounts
- Insurance policies
- His health history and doctors
- Get him to work with lawyer to update wills, POAs, etc. (sounds like you are already doing this)

Then, help him automate all the bills, if possible. Maybe this stuff is obvious, but once I had a handle of it, I could help my dad make good decisions and know that if he died suddenly, I would be able to handle his affairs.

Also, a short terms solution to care is to hire an unskilled nurse assistant for a four hour shift a few times a week. (there are agencies - try and get a referral from someone local.) It runs about $30 and hour and you can start and stop it easily. Buys you time to figure all this out. Good to get someone's eyes on him.

MTH’s knyou!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't have legal advice... but I've been through something like this with my dad recently. Here's what I recommend:

Interview him and find out:

- What each monthly bill is
- Where the income comes from and where it's deposited
- Bank accounts
- Insurance policies
- His health history and doctors
- Get him to work with lawyer to update wills, POAs, etc. (sounds like you are already doing this)

Then, help him automate all the bills, if possible. Maybe this stuff is obvious, but once I had a handle of it, I could help my dad make good decisions and know that if he died suddenly, I would be able to handle his affairs.

Also, a short terms solution to care is to hire an unskilled nurse assistant for a four hour shift a few times a week. (there are agencies - try and get a referral from someone local.) It runs about $30 and hour and you can start and stop it easily. Buys you time to figure all this out. Good to get someone's eyes on him.

MTH’s knyou!

That’s supposed to say thank you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused. Your cousin has done this before for relatives and he is cognitively fine so he should be able to tell you if the paperwork gives you POA should he be incapacitated. Usually it does.

Also, this is a good lesson for so many people. Your family you created comes first. If you have a child or spouse with medical issues/special needs and you agreed to this sort of thing when life was easier, make sure you communicate with the elders your life circumstances have changed and what your boundaries are. If they had no relatives to do this they could have hired a lawyer or accountant to be financial POA and a medical professional to be health POA. The medical professional keeps records of all medical issues and can easily advocate for your exact wishes.

I would remind him of your other obligations like your child with medical issues and make it clear this needs to be a streamlined as possible. Get the bills on autopay. He needs to do this himself while still cognitively fine. Meet with a lawyer and see if there is anything else he needs to do. Anytime he gets stubborn remind him of your other obligations and that you cannot devote endless time to this. Since he is cognitively fine, if he doesn't like your timeline and requirements, he can find someone else.

Thank you.

[Anonymous]

I was in a similar situation and if I could go back I would do the following:

- Ask to see the wills and understand all assets before you agree to be a POA, trustee, executor. You can't agree to something if you don't have all the information -- you're going in blind on whether they have any assets or not, etc. If he does not trust you enough to show you all estate planning/assets, then don't agree. It also makes the job SO much easier if all the assets, life insurance, etc. are documented somewhere before there is a crisis and you can ask questions. So many people have multiple bank accounts, etc.

- Make sure he has successor agents on everything. In my relative's case they had their spouse with no successor agents which is insane but it happens a lot when it is someone who doesn't have children of their own and aren't ready to relinquish control.

- I would push to be medical POA, financial POA, executor, and successor trustee. The reason is you don't want to have to fight someone else to get resources to take care of him. If a relative has financial POA and you have medical, then you can't make decisions unilaterally. Similarly, if you have medical POA and someone else is the trustee, then they might want to guard assets (their inheritance!) at the expense of care. Just a lot of ways it can get messy. You could have a co-POA/executor/trustee as well and it might be better to do that so it isn't all on you -- someone local who you trust a LOT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was in a similar situation and if I could go back I would do the following:

- Ask to see the wills and understand all assets before you agree to be a POA, trustee, executor. You can't agree to something if you don't have all the information -- you're going in blind on whether they have any assets or not, etc. If he does not trust you enough to show you all estate planning/assets, then don't agree. It also makes the job SO much easier if all the assets, life insurance, etc. are documented somewhere before there is a crisis and you can ask questions. So many people have multiple bank accounts, etc.

- Make sure he has successor agents on everything. In my relative's case they had their spouse with no successor agents which is insane but it happens a lot when it is someone who doesn't have children of their own and aren't ready to relinquish control.

- I would push to be medical POA, financial POA, executor, and successor trustee. The reason is you don't want to have to fight someone else to get resources to take care of him. If a relative has financial POA and you have medical, then you can't make decisions unilaterally. Similarly, if you have medical POA and someone else is the trustee, then they might want to guard assets (their inheritance!) at the expense of care. Just a lot of ways it can get messy. You could have a co-POA/executor/trustee as well and it might be better to do that so it isn't all on you -- someone local who you trust a LOT.

Thank you. I agree as I’m learning! I am already the executor and successor trustee. A few years ago they changed their will and narrowed down the beneficiaries drastically based on the amendment, and it’s more manageable

I got “the book” this weekend with all the legal estate documents. That’s when I found out they didn’t have a successor POA and my uncle and his attorney are updating that paperwork. I will be the POA and my sibling as the back up. I have a list of accounts (usernames & passwords). Working on actual account numbers for insurance, bank accounts not just access via the apps. I need credit card account info too.

One other item I think I’m missing that should be added to the helpful lists the PP provided — his social security number.

Thank you all for sharing your lessons learned!

[Anonymous]

Oh — a long-time close friend and neighbor is the medical POA and my sibling (who lives instate and but travels for work). The friend has no interest / is not a beneficiary.