Unfairness of life and guilt

[Anonymous]

Can anyone relate to having a sibling who just had a much harder life and struggles a lot by no fault of their own?

I have a sibling who seems to be cursed and it is always of a case of it can go wrong, it will. From big things to little things.

Life for me has come easy but I feel guilty as life for them is so hard and stressful and painful and distressing.

And I help when and where I can but then they feel worse that they need the help and that I am dealing with my life and theirs.

I just wish for a change that things would go well for them and that I could wave a wand and make their life happy. I worry about them so much and feel down that I can’t make their life better.

[Anonymous]

I'm the sibling. This is just life. Some things come easy to some and some come hard. I know my smart, rich, successful sister also has her trials.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she is like Job from the Bible. We get what we get and make the best of it. Hang in there and she might be surprised how it is all worth it.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s hard to comment without knowing what happened to your sister/what she is facing.

Also there’s likely some habit or attitude you have that resulted in your life being easier.

[Anonymous]

I was the sister, now I’m you. The wheel turns. Life changes. Nothing is set in stone.

[Anonymous]

My siblings both have disabilities. One is doing pretty well now so I feel we basically wound up in the same place as far as our own life goals, but it was more of a struggle for them on the way. The other is more profoundly disabled and will probably never have the life they want (marriage, kids, their own home) because of their support needs. It's really unfair and sad. I don't feel guilty because I was born without a serious disability, but I do feel pretty sad about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was the sister, now I’m you. The wheel turns. Life changes. Nothing is set in stone.

What happened to make you life turn around?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s hard to comment without knowing what happened to your sister/what she is facing.

Also there’s likely some habit or attitude you have that resulted in your life being easier.

I could be the sister in this situation. My child died of a condition similar to cancer in its impact. I don’t think my sister should feel guilty that her kids are healthy, but if she suggested that the difference in our situations was due to some habit of mine?

[Anonymous]

Will sibling accept help from parents?
You can help indirectly through parents.

[Anonymous]

I think life is just unfair.
Unrelated: my friend (33) died of breast cancer this year. My FIL survived leukaemia at 75. How is it fair that someone 2.5x her age gets to live but she doesn’t? She will never get married or have children or grandchildren. He has lived his life.
I feel guilty for thinking this way. I don’t hate him or begrudge his health. But life is definitely not fair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she is like Job from the Bible. We get what we get and make the best of it. Hang in there and she might be surprised how it is all worth it.

Yes, trade the one thing that you know exists from direct observation, an exchange for our promise of something that has never shown any evidence of existing.

Christian theology in a nutshell:

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can anyone relate to having a sibling who just had a much harder life and struggles a lot by no fault of their own?

I have a sibling who seems to be cursed and it is always of a case of it can go wrong, it will. From big things to little things.

Life for me has come easy but I feel guilty as life for them is so hard and stressful and painful and distressing.

And I help when and where I can but then they feel worse that they need the help and that I am dealing with my life and theirs.

I just wish for a change that things would go well for them and that I could wave a wand and make their life happy. I worry about them so much and feel down that I can’t make their life better.

If you are truly bonded, then her life is your life. Caring for her is no different from caring for your kids, spouse, parents, or self. Her problems are your problems. Her joys are your joys. If that's the way you feel, tell her.

[Anonymous]

My two siblings both have disabilities. Growing up, I was told all the time how lucky I am that I don’t have any disabilities. I can identify with the life long guilt. Life really is not fair.

[Anonymous]

My brother have ADHD/depression/learning disabilities. My sister and I do not. This was back in the day when far less was known about their disabilities and they certainly didn't receive the support they needed. Their life outcomes, some are no longer living, have been poor. My sister's and mine have not. We've had our challenges, of course, but we haven't had the hurdles/barriers that are brothers did. I have no guilt about it, just a lot of sorrow.

Two of my three kids also have ADHD/anxiety/LD. I feel sad (not sorrow) about the challenges this presents but I don't feel guilty. I working to set them up success so they don't have to struggle alone with the challenges.