Taking Over The Finances - Input Wanted Please...

[Anonymous]

Dad is 95 and has been diagnosed with progressing cognitive decline to the point that he's confabulating stories & situations and has significant memory and logic issues. However he reads several newspapers everyday and can have some pretty normal conversations. We have a POA and I am on all his accounts (bank, investment, etc) as a co-trustee.

He is moving into assisted living this month.

He often makes mistakes when paying bills and handling finances to the point that he calls me (several states away) to help undo or fix whatever happened. This takes a lot of time to say the least.

I want to make his (and my) life easier by taking over paying all the bills and handling his finances for him. I would absolutely allow him to make any big decisions but the day to day has become too much for him and it would probably take me only 20 minutes a month to handle.

He still wants to handle his own finances and banking and thinks he's capable of doing so. When I point out his significant mistakes he dismisses them as minor errors, which they are not.

Has anyone else been in this situation and if so, what did you say or do that made your elder parent turn over the keys, so to speak?

Thanks in advance for any advice or input.

[Anonymous]

Would he allow you to put bills on a recurring pay schedule and auto pay?

[Anonymous]

Can you schedule a monthly call to go over the bills? Then you pay them?

[Anonymous]

What makes life “easier” is not necessarily what your dad wants.
It sounds like he wants to exercise what functionality he has left. He’s willing to accept the risk that he might do it imperfectly and lose some money.
Personally I would let him and help him, unless the mistakes were costing thousands and thousands of dollars and truly risking his ability to have means to care for himself in the future.
He’s already giving up *so much* control and Independence, moving into assisted living, etc. he probably doesn’t drive, right?
There are so few “adult” things he can do. There’s a reason he is clinging to this. It’s likely deeply meaningful to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would he allow you to put bills on a recurring pay schedule and auto pay?

NP with similar issue to the OP and I like this approach and will try this with my dad. There are always bills that can’t be handled this way - medical, for example- but those are easier to “fix” if not laid on time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would he allow you to put bills on a recurring pay schedule and auto pay?

OP here.

His income is somewhat sporadic as to when it arrives each month, and I want to monitor the service fees from the assisted living place for the first year to make sure they aren't over-billing before I simply grant them auto-pay access.

But I also realize things will get much simpler once he moves because the assisted living bill will cover almost all of his expenses and there will only be a couple extra ones. So maybe he'll be able to handle it... but I'm skeptical.

Thanks everyone for the ideas!

[Anonymous]

Can you schedule a monthly call to go over the bills? Then you pay them

And then, if there's no immediate, or if an objection is not logical ... just use your best judgement and pay them. And yes, autopay what you can.