Experience after leaving FCPS

[Anonymous]

We're currently in FCPS and I'm getting anxious as the school year is about to start. I know the schools here are great but I find it to be such a pressure cooker environment and can't keep up with the tiger parenting that seems to be required of FCPS. Anyone leave the schools for Arlington/Falls Church City/Alexandria? We previously lived in Arlington and I remember the parks were always full of kids playing, out here it seems like kids are just never out. And I live right next to a park as that is what attracted us to buy this house! We haven't done the kumon or russian school of math (husband is starting to suggest it) but I'm. just. reeling. I'm looking for advice on whether other parents in the nearby districts feel just as stressed by the kids and parents in their schools/neighborhood.

I was complaining to MIL who recently said 'if you cant take the heat then get out of the kitchen' which got me thinking.... And yes I am in therapy, I started even before covid and talk to her weekly. Kids are still young (4th and 1st, smart but not gifted), but they say they love their school and don't want to move.

[Anonymous]

“They say they love school and don’t want to move.” There you have it. Don’t move. We are in Arlington and it’s a pressure cooker environment here too. In general kids play outside less but we got lucky and our neighbors all force their kids to play outside. I force them at least once a day and take them to the park regularly. Once they are out they love it but I feel kids these days need to be dragged outside. There is so much to do at home so why leave. My kids are in one of those enrichment math classes but we are immigrants and most immigrants have the impression that math in the US sucks (it does). But otherwise we keep activities to a minimal - they can never be enrolled in more than two activities and since they are close in age they have to do the same thing (not spending my entire time shuffling the kids around). Based on what you are saying I wouldn’t move. Nothing you say seems unique to Falls Church. Also i suggest reading the Coddling of the American Mind. Reading it now and based on what you are saying I think you would agree with a lot of the author’s points

[Anonymous]

PP here. When I say it’s not unique to Falls Church m, I’m comparing it to the rest of the DC metro area. I’m sure if you moved further south you would get less of that pressure cooker environment. It’s just that the pace of life here is fasts and everyone is stressed out. Considering moving back to my home country once my kids start middle school for that very reason. It’s just too much here and the schools are huge which is something I’m not used to

[Anonymous]

I live in FCPS and work in one of those districts. Where do you live that you feel it’s a pressure cooker? If it is, it could be self imposed pressure.

What I’ve observed in FCPS and APS/ACPS/FCCPS etc is that standards are much lower. None of these public schools focus on academics anymore and it’s the opposite of a pressure cooker. It’s become worse after covid. Grade inflation is high, academics are bare bottom. My own children attend private school to have some sense of rigor and standards.

Parents seem to be Tiger parents over grades and getting into top colleges at all costs, not about learning.

Don’t move if your kids are happy.

[Anonymous]

9:28 - my kids are in high school and middle school. When they were younger the parents were obsessed with aap. I see yours are still young. My observations are for the secondary years.

[Anonymous]

APS specifically north Arlington is definitely a pressure cooker. Most kids have 4.0+ so competition to get in top Schools is tough. Parents pay top $ for academic and athletic coaches.

[Anonymous]

You don’t need to do what others do. It’s an important lesson. Stay true to your values.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We're currently in FCPS and I'm getting anxious as the school year is about to start. I know the schools here are great but I find it to be such a pressure cooker environment and can't keep up with the tiger parenting that seems to be required of FCPS. Anyone leave the schools for Arlington/Falls Church City/Alexandria? We previously lived in Arlington and I remember the parks were always full of kids playing, out here it seems like kids are just never out. And I live right next to a park as that is what attracted us to buy this house! We haven't done the kumon or russian school of math (husband is starting to suggest it) but I'm. just. reeling. I'm looking for advice on whether other parents in the nearby districts feel just as stressed by the kids and parents in their schools/neighborhood.

I was complaining to MIL who recently said 'if you cant take the heat then get out of the kitchen' which got me thinking.... And yes I am in therapy, I started even before covid and talk to her weekly. Kids are still young (4th and 1st, smart but not gifted), but they say they love their school and don't want to move.

Yes, we quit. The school was a total joke first 2 years, all the kids were in Kumon or Russian School of Math or Spider Math and test prepping like taking practice tests billion times, summer long test prepping, volunteering for brownie points with principal and teachers, probably so little Larla can get a 2nd look for AAP acceptance, it was all a battle to score spots in AAP to get the only decent free education FCPS has to offer, so then the parents can afford to live where they live with no private tuition, then it's about trying to make sure kid can keep up. We quit that toxic environment and it was life changing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t need to do what others do. It’s an important lesson. Stay true to your values.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:APS specifically north Arlington is definitely a pressure cooker. Most kids have 4.0+ so competition to get in top Schools is tough. Parents pay top $ for academic and athletic coaches.

Reading the Arlington posters on the Nottingham thread bash each other endlessly made us so glad we left APS. The academics aren't as good but the parents are just as competitive about stuff that shouldn't matter. Half of them are gloating that an elementary school is going to be closed and the other half are threatening lawsuits because their kids may have to attend one UMC elementary school rather than another. The "Arlington Way" isn't that appealing up close.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:APS specifically north Arlington is definitely a pressure cooker. Most kids have 4.0+ so competition to get in top Schools is tough. Parents pay top $ for academic and athletic coaches.

Reading the Arlington posters on the Nottingham thread bash each other endlessly made us so glad we left APS. The academics aren't as good but the parents are just as competitive about stuff that shouldn't matter. Half of them are gloating that an elementary school is going to be closed and the other half are threatening lawsuits because their kids may have to attend one UMC elementary school rather than another. The "Arlington Way" isn't that appealing up close.

I'm in Arlington and I wouldn't suggest moving here for this reason. Every couple of years APS throws some huge surprise boundary change or something at you out of left field and you spend half your free time on it. APS is exhausting.

As for the pressure cooker, IDK, I've never lived in FCPS. My sense is it's zip code dependent. There are some pressure cooker schools in APS and some that are not. I suspect the same is true with FCPS.

If you're thinking of moving back to your home country in a few years and your kids are happy, maybe stay put for now and just make one big move.

[Anonymous]

Would not suggest moving to APS. Some areas might be more of a pressure cooker than others, but as a whole, it’s a very competitive area. Between grades and extras there’s a lot of pressure on APS students. One example is I just finished tutoring a 5 year old (well she is almost 6) who hasn’t even started K in APS. I also feel like APS is constantly making major changes and the schools (not all but a lot) are overcrowded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t need to do what others do. It’s an important lesson. Stay true to your values.

This. And honestly Northern VA is a pressure cooker-if you want to move away from here I get it but there is no where to run in the DC area.

[Anonymous]

It’s tough not to get sucked up in the DMV pressure cooker. Don’t move to APS, stay put or get out of dodge.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the feedback everyone, I’ve always loved living in the DMV but ever since having kids it’s been stressful and difficult to enjoy. I keep thinking we should move back to arlington but now shudder when reading that folks are getting tutors for kindergartners, ugh.